When Age Feels Like More Than a Number
- Tuesday, January 17 2012 @ 09:40 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,206
Everyone has something they’re self-conscious about: their weight, some aspect of their appearance, their education, to name a few. For many, the fact they’d most like to fudge on their online dating profile is their age. But should they?
It’s a dicey issue. For some, one year might make the difference between showing up in a slew of profile searches - or not. We tend to think of “magic numbers” and base our profile searches accordingly: under 35, for instance, or under 50. In reality, there’s not much difference between a 34-year-old and a 36-year-old, but most choose nice “round” or “easy” numbers instead of thinking realistically about their own preferences. Thus, it’s not uncommon for a 36-year-old to have temporary amnesia or typo-ridden fingers when filling out their profile.
Does such a white lie hurt anyone? Probably not. But there are reasons to tell the truth, too. For one thing, there’s still a dishonesty stigma attached to online dating - everyone’s heard the story where the date didn’t match their picture or their stats at all, and your potential match might be on the lookout for the merest hint of an untruth. Why get a date off on the wrong foot because you’ve been caught in a white lie?
Secondly, when you’re fudging your age by five or more years, you run the risk of a generational gap. It’s hard to reminisce about those heady teen years listening to a certain band when your date was only seven years old. Five years might not seem like much, but it can make a difference in slang, pop-culture references, even interests. Now, that’s not to say a five-year-plus difference in age is insurmountable - it’s not, when both parties are aware of it! Otherwise it can make for some strange conversations - try explaining why you were only twelve when you had your daughter!
So, you don’t want to lie about your age, but you do still want to have a broad dating pool to choose from: what can you do? Well, one option is to email someone even though you fall outside their preferred age range. You might have more rejections than usual, but on the other hand, they might take a look at your profile and find you have a lot in common. It’s a gamble - but it’s not dishonest.
Ultimately, there’s no right answer when it comes to handling the age issue. If you lie about your age, you’ll have to come clean eventually and face the consequences; if you don’t, you might run the risk of being dismissed prematurely. Use your best discretion - and that also applies if you find yourself on the other end of the issue and your date is the one who fudged the facts! No one likes to discuss the very thing they’re self-conscious about; regardless of age, you and your date are adults, and should address the situation as such. Hopefully you’ll handle the issue gracefully, and move on to the important business of getting to know one another!
It’s a dicey issue. For some, one year might make the difference between showing up in a slew of profile searches - or not. We tend to think of “magic numbers” and base our profile searches accordingly: under 35, for instance, or under 50. In reality, there’s not much difference between a 34-year-old and a 36-year-old, but most choose nice “round” or “easy” numbers instead of thinking realistically about their own preferences. Thus, it’s not uncommon for a 36-year-old to have temporary amnesia or typo-ridden fingers when filling out their profile.
Does such a white lie hurt anyone? Probably not. But there are reasons to tell the truth, too. For one thing, there’s still a dishonesty stigma attached to online dating - everyone’s heard the story where the date didn’t match their picture or their stats at all, and your potential match might be on the lookout for the merest hint of an untruth. Why get a date off on the wrong foot because you’ve been caught in a white lie?
Secondly, when you’re fudging your age by five or more years, you run the risk of a generational gap. It’s hard to reminisce about those heady teen years listening to a certain band when your date was only seven years old. Five years might not seem like much, but it can make a difference in slang, pop-culture references, even interests. Now, that’s not to say a five-year-plus difference in age is insurmountable - it’s not, when both parties are aware of it! Otherwise it can make for some strange conversations - try explaining why you were only twelve when you had your daughter!
So, you don’t want to lie about your age, but you do still want to have a broad dating pool to choose from: what can you do? Well, one option is to email someone even though you fall outside their preferred age range. You might have more rejections than usual, but on the other hand, they might take a look at your profile and find you have a lot in common. It’s a gamble - but it’s not dishonest.
Ultimately, there’s no right answer when it comes to handling the age issue. If you lie about your age, you’ll have to come clean eventually and face the consequences; if you don’t, you might run the risk of being dismissed prematurely. Use your best discretion - and that also applies if you find yourself on the other end of the issue and your date is the one who fudged the facts! No one likes to discuss the very thing they’re self-conscious about; regardless of age, you and your date are adults, and should address the situation as such. Hopefully you’ll handle the issue gracefully, and move on to the important business of getting to know one another!
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