They Won't Fall Out of the Sky
- Wednesday, June 09 2010 @ 08:28 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,063
The other day, as I was proofreading an online dating profile for a friend, I noticed that though my friend is in his early 30s, he was looking for a woman who was at least two years younger. Since I was helping him freshen up an old profile, I assumed it was simply outdated, and pointed it out.
“No, that's sort of intentional,” he said. “I feel like I get along better with people younger than I am.”
Well, it's not the worst reasoning I've ever heard. I was going to let it slide when he added, “Now, if I met someone who was really great, it wouldn't matter how old she was.”
Here's the thing, though – even if there's a completely amazing woman in her thirties out there, he's never going to run into her. His searches would be set to exclude her, and if she came across his profile she'd probably feel like she'd be rejected, so she wouldn't bother trying to contact him.
It's great to think that you would keep an open mind if someone amazing fell into your lap, but it's just not that simple. There's literally no benefit in limiting yourself. So maybe you would prefer someone younger, or older, or taller – if you broaden your search, you'll still have all those “first choice options,” as well as some that are outside your box.
Conversely, let's say that a profile catches your eye. It looks amazing, but you don't meet some basic criteria, like height or age. Even if you aren't a perfect fit, I'd send out an email anyway. What's the worst that could happen? You'll get rejected, and you'll know why. On the other hand, you could be that “really great” person that falls outside the box. Sometimes we don't know what we want until we stumble into it. You won't gain anything by not trying!
“No, that's sort of intentional,” he said. “I feel like I get along better with people younger than I am.”
Well, it's not the worst reasoning I've ever heard. I was going to let it slide when he added, “Now, if I met someone who was really great, it wouldn't matter how old she was.”
Here's the thing, though – even if there's a completely amazing woman in her thirties out there, he's never going to run into her. His searches would be set to exclude her, and if she came across his profile she'd probably feel like she'd be rejected, so she wouldn't bother trying to contact him.
It's great to think that you would keep an open mind if someone amazing fell into your lap, but it's just not that simple. There's literally no benefit in limiting yourself. So maybe you would prefer someone younger, or older, or taller – if you broaden your search, you'll still have all those “first choice options,” as well as some that are outside your box.
Conversely, let's say that a profile catches your eye. It looks amazing, but you don't meet some basic criteria, like height or age. Even if you aren't a perfect fit, I'd send out an email anyway. What's the worst that could happen? You'll get rejected, and you'll know why. On the other hand, you could be that “really great” person that falls outside the box. Sometimes we don't know what we want until we stumble into it. You won't gain anything by not trying!
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