The Skill of Friendship
- Sunday, February 12 2012 @ 08:44 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,202
We’ve all heard the cliche before - that someone’s significant other is their “best friend.” Well, what if it’s not a cliche? What if you really are searching for a new best friend, with whom you also happen to share chemistry? In that case, perhaps the best thing you could do for yourself is not just to practice small talk or find the best outfit to wear on a first date, but also make sure you’re a good friend.
Granted, the first step to starting a relationship is to “get your foot in the door” and make a good first impression, and that’s why we proofread our profiles and try to learn to control our nerves. But finding someone with whom you have chemistry is only the beginning; if you intend to spend your life or even a year with someone, there are all sorts of skills, like communication, that require consistent use.
The bad news is that these skills are harder to learn from reading one article; the good news is that we’ve been practicing them all our lives, in our relationships with friends and family. And there’s nothing wrong with evaluating yourself as a friend and making adjustments accordingly; it’s really a win-win for everyone.
For some reason, though, we’re discouraged from thinking of romantic relationships as being similar to the interactions we’ve had all our lives; fortunes have probably been made by “experts” who want to teach us how to interact with those we’re interested in, as though they’re other species or even aliens. In reality, these people are not alien beings; they’re humans, with personalities that might not always mesh easily with our own, but who we’re certainly capable of understanding.
So next time you’re thinking of brushing up your dating skills, remember that the “long haul” relationship requires a different kind of skill set, one that involves good communication, honesty, and patience. Even if it’s a skill set that isn’t used much on the first date, it’s a good strength to have waiting in the wings.
Granted, the first step to starting a relationship is to “get your foot in the door” and make a good first impression, and that’s why we proofread our profiles and try to learn to control our nerves. But finding someone with whom you have chemistry is only the beginning; if you intend to spend your life or even a year with someone, there are all sorts of skills, like communication, that require consistent use.
The bad news is that these skills are harder to learn from reading one article; the good news is that we’ve been practicing them all our lives, in our relationships with friends and family. And there’s nothing wrong with evaluating yourself as a friend and making adjustments accordingly; it’s really a win-win for everyone.
For some reason, though, we’re discouraged from thinking of romantic relationships as being similar to the interactions we’ve had all our lives; fortunes have probably been made by “experts” who want to teach us how to interact with those we’re interested in, as though they’re other species or even aliens. In reality, these people are not alien beings; they’re humans, with personalities that might not always mesh easily with our own, but who we’re certainly capable of understanding.
So next time you’re thinking of brushing up your dating skills, remember that the “long haul” relationship requires a different kind of skill set, one that involves good communication, honesty, and patience. Even if it’s a skill set that isn’t used much on the first date, it’s a good strength to have waiting in the wings.
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