Techno-Romance Is Alive And Well In Our Post-Dating World: Part II

Like it or not, online dating is here to stay, and it's becoming more prevalent than ever.

"We may be holding out against the implication that we need to sign up for one of these sites in order to find love, or that we have no choice but to engage in the Techno-Romance that is shaping our love lives in this post-dating world," Jessica Massa argues in "You're Online Dating and You Don't Even Know It!," but even if you've resisted joining a formal online dating site, odds are good that you're still engaging in mainstream online dating practices via a more clandestine source: Facebook.

You don't have to give up on using the Internet to find love if online dating sites do not appeal to you. Facebook, and other social networking Web sites, offers similar functionality with a little more stealth and a lot less stigma. Last time, we discussed the ways in which two of Facebook's most popular features - the message and the poke - mirror the functionality of traditional online dating sites. Today, we're reviewing Massa's examination of some of Facebook's other notable features, and exploring the ways in which they can be used to meet your match.

First up: the friend request. Clicking a button that says "Add as Friend" might seem like an inconsequential action, but "Many people see friend requesting for what it is - a next step forward in any burgeoning friendship, professional relationship or flirtation." "The very decision," Massa concludes, "to send a friend request to someone you've just met, romantically-motivated or not, can send a surprisingly clear signal of interest to a new prospect." If you suffer from anxiety in social situations and find it difficult to meet people in person, a Facebook friend request can be a perfect, stress-free introduction.

The status update is yet another low-key way to indicate interest without appearing overly enthusiastic or needy. Massa compares commenting on someone's status to a "non-date," which she describes in another article as "an ambiguous interaction, sometimes face-to-face and sometimes involving technology, that is not explicitly romantic but does not feel entirely platonic either." The more you share personal stories with someone, and comment on their personal stories in return, the more opportunities you will have to bond over shared interests and goals. When you reach the point that you are commenting regularly on each others' posts, you will feel like very active parts of each others' lives.

If you're the type that likes to mark your territory, the wall post is just what the doctor ordered. Flirting in private messages lets the recipient know you're interested in them, but flirting via wall post lets everyone know you're interested in the recipient. Public Facebook flirting essentially amounts to marking your territory, and presents a warning and challenge to all potential competitors.

And finally, Massa discusses one of Facebook's most notorious characteristics: its ability to turn all of us, at least on some occasions, into private detectives. There is almost no end to what you can learn about someone from their photo uploads (much more than what you would learn from the carefully chosen selection of photos featured on an online dating profile), from reviewing their actions on the profiles of mutual friends, and from checking out the spots listed on the new location-based Facebook Places feature. Wondering if your potential partner is a partier or the quiet type? Assess the pictures in their albums. Wondering if they're single, but too afraid to inquire directly? Ask a mutual friend. Wondering where you can go to "accidentally" run into your crush? See where they've checked in on Facebook Places. It's easy to take this comprehensive access to someone's life too far, but as long as you resist the urge to turn into a stalker you can learn a lot of genuinely interesting and useful things about your romantic prospects that can help you determine your compatibility.

Massa's bottom-line is simple: we are all involved in Techno-Romance whether we are conscious of it or not, and with the introduction of "new partnerships with explicitly dating-centered companies like MeetMoi, a mobile location-based dating app, Facebook seems to be making the effort to bring a little clarity and purpose to its romantic possibilities."