Rejection Perspective
- Thursday, December 27 2012 @ 11:02 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,019
Imagine this: you spot a profile and the person looks pleasant and reasonably attractive. You have several common interests, so you send an email. The other person is also interested in seeing whether there’s any chemistry, so you schedule a date.
Alas, there doesn’t appear to be any chemistry. You still think the other person is nice, rather in the way you might have a neighbor that you acknowledge is attractive, but there’s just no spark of attraction. Nor is there anything “wrong” to speak of. Just not a match for you.
Now let’s spin it the other way. You had high hopes for this date. There wasn’t any spark of chemistry, but there wasn’t anything wrong either. Your date was nice, and certainly attractive. You’d be amenable to a second date - but your date tells you later that they’re simply not interested.
If you’re being honest with yourself, you weren’t incredibly interested either. But the undeniable truth is that the rejection still stings. Then the question becomes: why does it, if we know it wasn’t anything personal? Another, interesting question might be: if you had to choose, which person in that ill-fated date would you rather be?
Not every random pair of people share chemistry - even those who seem compatible on paper. If it were that easy, there wouldn’t be much of a dating pool to speak of. Alas, chemistry is a nebulous concept that simply has to be tested out in person - and that means there will likely be rejection.
Perhaps if we were to step into the dating world a little more cognizant of this probability, it wouldn’t sting quite as much. Chances are, if you experience rejection it really isn’t due to anything you said or did; it’s just a matter of that puzzle piece not fitting. After all, as has frequently been said, you’re looking for a good match, not looking to win a contest for being the best date.
And remember: just as no one likes to be rejected, no one likes to do the rejecting either. It’s pretty uncomfortable no matter which way the coin flips. Thus, try not to prolong the awkwardness by demanding the rejector’s thought processes unless you have good reason. Similarly, if you find yourself in a position where you know you’re not interested in pursuing anything further, don’t draw it out. You’re just wasting time - time in which you could both be finding a legitimate match.
Rejection is awkward, painful, and the worst part of dating. Still, with a little perspective, perhaps we can mitigate the sting and make it as bearable as possible. Never lose sight of your end goal: a match with whom you can make a long-term relationship. If that’s not a possibility, is bringing it to a swift end really that terrible?
Alas, there doesn’t appear to be any chemistry. You still think the other person is nice, rather in the way you might have a neighbor that you acknowledge is attractive, but there’s just no spark of attraction. Nor is there anything “wrong” to speak of. Just not a match for you.
Now let’s spin it the other way. You had high hopes for this date. There wasn’t any spark of chemistry, but there wasn’t anything wrong either. Your date was nice, and certainly attractive. You’d be amenable to a second date - but your date tells you later that they’re simply not interested.
If you’re being honest with yourself, you weren’t incredibly interested either. But the undeniable truth is that the rejection still stings. Then the question becomes: why does it, if we know it wasn’t anything personal? Another, interesting question might be: if you had to choose, which person in that ill-fated date would you rather be?
Not every random pair of people share chemistry - even those who seem compatible on paper. If it were that easy, there wouldn’t be much of a dating pool to speak of. Alas, chemistry is a nebulous concept that simply has to be tested out in person - and that means there will likely be rejection.
Perhaps if we were to step into the dating world a little more cognizant of this probability, it wouldn’t sting quite as much. Chances are, if you experience rejection it really isn’t due to anything you said or did; it’s just a matter of that puzzle piece not fitting. After all, as has frequently been said, you’re looking for a good match, not looking to win a contest for being the best date.
And remember: just as no one likes to be rejected, no one likes to do the rejecting either. It’s pretty uncomfortable no matter which way the coin flips. Thus, try not to prolong the awkwardness by demanding the rejector’s thought processes unless you have good reason. Similarly, if you find yourself in a position where you know you’re not interested in pursuing anything further, don’t draw it out. You’re just wasting time - time in which you could both be finding a legitimate match.
Rejection is awkward, painful, and the worst part of dating. Still, with a little perspective, perhaps we can mitigate the sting and make it as bearable as possible. Never lose sight of your end goal: a match with whom you can make a long-term relationship. If that’s not a possibility, is bringing it to a swift end really that terrible?
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