Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

There have been a lot of politicians, celebrities, and sports figures that have recently been in the center of scandal. They have cheated on their spouses, utilizing social media as well as online dating sites to gain access to women and men. Some have even been serial cheaters.

Of course, this doesn't help when you're dating or in a relationship. It makes people seem less trustworthy. Perhaps you've been cheated on before, and so you question the integrity of all of your dates, which doesn't make for a very fun, exciting relationship. You're too busy wondering what their intentions are, what they might be doing, or even where they are when they aren't with you.

But who wants to date someone who is constantly questioning their behavior and motivations?

Once trust has been violated, it's hard to get back. It's easy to succumb to suspicion about all of your dates. The problem with this thinking however, is that it ends up hurting you. You try to protect yourself by withholding your trust, maybe even accusing your dates of being untrustworthy. But instead of protecting yourself, you actually are closing yourself off to the possibility of having a real relationship based in love. You are ensuring that this won't happen.

So how do you move past the pain? How can you trust someone new?

It's important to remember that each person is different. Just because you've dated a few people who have violated your trust doesn't mean that everyone is capable. You must give your dates the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise. It's important to take those kind of risks; otherwise, you won't bring love into your life.

It's also important to learn from your past mistakes. Were there signs that she was cheating that you chose to ignore? Were one or both of you unhappy in the relationship? Did you not communicate well? All of these things can contribute to a breakdown of trust. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself the tough questions. Recognizing patterns is a step to ensuring they won't happen again.

The hardest part of moving on is forgiving yourself and forgiving the ex who cheated on you. As long as you carry resentment in your heart, it translates to your current relationships. Have you been around someone who can't let go of the anger they have towards their ex? Do you find it hard to be around them? If so, take note. In the long run, letting go is the healthiest step you can take towards moving into a better relationship in the future.