Not Just a Statistic
- Monday, August 27 2012 @ 07:51 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 948
It can be tempting to panic when you look at statistics. “Oh, your parents divorced when you were young? Hmm,” your brain might say, clucking in dismay. “That lowers your chances of a successful relationship considerably. How have things been going for you so far? Not so great, hmm?”
It’s easy let that self-doubt creep in, but do your best to resist! After all, every relationship ends at some point, until you’re in one for the rest of your life. Chances are, most people around you are not currently at that point yet, so don’t think you’re particularly worse off than anyone else. When you’re not currently in a relationship, it can be easy to see the glass as half empty - so think about the sort of attitudes you value in others, and do your best to emulate them when you’re feeling shaky.
As for statistics: why might children of divorced parents have a difficult time with successful relationships? Because for many, the parents are the primary and first relationship they watch and emulate. First and primary, maybe - but not the only relationship you’ve ever seen, by far. By the time you reach adulthood, you’ve seen family members and friends in various relationships. You’ve watched the loving neighbors who have been married fifty years. You’ve seen your cousin’s relationship fall apart, to the surprise of no one. Maybe you haven’t been in a successful romantic relationship, but you’ve had the same best friend for twenty years.
By now, you know what a good relationship looks like, and what a bad one does too. You know what you want for yourself; trust yourself in that. Maybe you don’t know all the answers, but neither does anyone else - we’re all just looking for happiness, with a vague idea of what it looks like from the outside. And remember: all relationships are comprised of two unique people; there’s only so much you can learn from any other couple, no matter how great and wise they are.
At some point, you have to discard the how-to manual and sail into the relationship waters with only yourself and your partner at the helm. Some might have to leave their manual behind a little earlier than others; some had only a thin pamphlet, while others had a multi-chapter novel. Still, there’s no guarantee of success or failure. With regular maintenance, respect, and affection, your chance of successfully navigating the waters of love are just as good as anyone’s.
It’s easy let that self-doubt creep in, but do your best to resist! After all, every relationship ends at some point, until you’re in one for the rest of your life. Chances are, most people around you are not currently at that point yet, so don’t think you’re particularly worse off than anyone else. When you’re not currently in a relationship, it can be easy to see the glass as half empty - so think about the sort of attitudes you value in others, and do your best to emulate them when you’re feeling shaky.
As for statistics: why might children of divorced parents have a difficult time with successful relationships? Because for many, the parents are the primary and first relationship they watch and emulate. First and primary, maybe - but not the only relationship you’ve ever seen, by far. By the time you reach adulthood, you’ve seen family members and friends in various relationships. You’ve watched the loving neighbors who have been married fifty years. You’ve seen your cousin’s relationship fall apart, to the surprise of no one. Maybe you haven’t been in a successful romantic relationship, but you’ve had the same best friend for twenty years.
By now, you know what a good relationship looks like, and what a bad one does too. You know what you want for yourself; trust yourself in that. Maybe you don’t know all the answers, but neither does anyone else - we’re all just looking for happiness, with a vague idea of what it looks like from the outside. And remember: all relationships are comprised of two unique people; there’s only so much you can learn from any other couple, no matter how great and wise they are.
At some point, you have to discard the how-to manual and sail into the relationship waters with only yourself and your partner at the helm. Some might have to leave their manual behind a little earlier than others; some had only a thin pamphlet, while others had a multi-chapter novel. Still, there’s no guarantee of success or failure. With regular maintenance, respect, and affection, your chance of successfully navigating the waters of love are just as good as anyone’s.
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