It's Not Winning
- Friday, April 29 2011 @ 09:27 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,365
Usually when we discuss first dates and conversation, we focus on the icebreakers, the small talk. For some people, that’s all they need to worry about; once they get back the initial awkwardness, they can relax and get to know their date. However, there are some people who never fully relax. I’ll call these people the “Interviewers.” These people treat all interaction like an interview for a job position, whether they’re the one doing the questioning or answering. Their questions and answers are calculated, or at least they attempt to be. They’re either looking for “wrong” answers, or they’re trying to avoid giving one.
The tendency to want to “win” or “get the right answers” in dating occasionally surfaces in strange ways. I knew a girl who agreed to a date at a place she’d only vaguely heard of. She didn’t know exactly where it was, and she couldn’t figure it out using the Internet. And she absolutely refused to email her date and ask for more specific directions. “I already told him I knew where it was!” she said. “If I email him now, he’ll think I’m a moron!”
A man I once knew became very well-versed in scrapbooking. His rationale was that if he was familiar with a hobby women liked, he’d always be able to talk about it at dates, or maybe even meet women at scrapbooking events. While this may have been true, he also couldn’t stand scrapbooking! Cultivating a hobby you’re not even interested in is misguided at best, and maybe even a little creepy.
When meeting someone, it’s important to remember that you’re not trying to win a battle or a race; you’re trying to find someone truly compatible. And what does that mean? You’re looking for someone for the long haul: maybe marriage, maybe children, or “just” a friend and companion for the ages. Do you want to spend years with someone you “duped” with the right answers? More importantly, will the relationship even last if you’re not truly compatible?
The tendency to want to “win” or “get the right answers” in dating occasionally surfaces in strange ways. I knew a girl who agreed to a date at a place she’d only vaguely heard of. She didn’t know exactly where it was, and she couldn’t figure it out using the Internet. And she absolutely refused to email her date and ask for more specific directions. “I already told him I knew where it was!” she said. “If I email him now, he’ll think I’m a moron!”
A man I once knew became very well-versed in scrapbooking. His rationale was that if he was familiar with a hobby women liked, he’d always be able to talk about it at dates, or maybe even meet women at scrapbooking events. While this may have been true, he also couldn’t stand scrapbooking! Cultivating a hobby you’re not even interested in is misguided at best, and maybe even a little creepy.
When meeting someone, it’s important to remember that you’re not trying to win a battle or a race; you’re trying to find someone truly compatible. And what does that mean? You’re looking for someone for the long haul: maybe marriage, maybe children, or “just” a friend and companion for the ages. Do you want to spend years with someone you “duped” with the right answers? More importantly, will the relationship even last if you’re not truly compatible?
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