It's Just Dating
- Tuesday, August 17 2010 @ 07:48 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,398
Let's say you're new to the world of online dating. You're still not sure if you should tell your friends, and you've been on a couple of dates worthy of a sitcom. Then you meet someone who seems different from the rest, someone more like what you had in mind when you started this endeavor, and you're out on your first date.
It may be tempting, in the course of conversation, to bring up how you met, how they're so much better than the other people you've met through online dating. In general, however, I would avoid this.
Why? Well, no matter how smoothly you might phrase it, this is what you're basically saying: “Wow, I can't believe I'm here. Online dating sites are full of freaks! You are, by far, the least freakiest person I've met through online dating! Of course, who knows how you would stack up in the 'real' dating arena...”
It's a mistake common to people who are new to online dating. They're still feeling a little self-conscious about it themselves, and while trying to be complimentary, are actually saying a whole lot more about their own insecurities.
What to do to avoid a foot-in-mouth moment? Don't think of online dating as a different world than any other kind of dating. Don't place a person you met through a site in a different box than someone you met at the grocery store. Once you've mentally crossed the 'online' out of 'online dating,' consider: is it very polite to bash former first dates – or talk about them at all, really – on a first date with someone else? No? Then move on to something you have in common, and talk about that instead.
Now, I understand, it can be awkward meeting someone for the first time, in any situation. It can be possible to address the awkwardness in a lighthearted manner when you first meet, as long as it doesn't become the only thing you talk about.
Good example: Said with a smile, at the beginning of the date: “Wow, this is funny! We've been emailing for so long, I feel like I should have a keyboard out to talk to you.”
Bad example: Said in the middle of the date: “So, am I the most normal person you've met through an online dating site? Let's compare war stories.”
As you set out on your first date, remember: it's not a novelty – it's a first meeting to determine if you're compatible as people. Nothing can be much simpler than that.
It may be tempting, in the course of conversation, to bring up how you met, how they're so much better than the other people you've met through online dating. In general, however, I would avoid this.
Why? Well, no matter how smoothly you might phrase it, this is what you're basically saying: “Wow, I can't believe I'm here. Online dating sites are full of freaks! You are, by far, the least freakiest person I've met through online dating! Of course, who knows how you would stack up in the 'real' dating arena...”
It's a mistake common to people who are new to online dating. They're still feeling a little self-conscious about it themselves, and while trying to be complimentary, are actually saying a whole lot more about their own insecurities.
What to do to avoid a foot-in-mouth moment? Don't think of online dating as a different world than any other kind of dating. Don't place a person you met through a site in a different box than someone you met at the grocery store. Once you've mentally crossed the 'online' out of 'online dating,' consider: is it very polite to bash former first dates – or talk about them at all, really – on a first date with someone else? No? Then move on to something you have in common, and talk about that instead.
Now, I understand, it can be awkward meeting someone for the first time, in any situation. It can be possible to address the awkwardness in a lighthearted manner when you first meet, as long as it doesn't become the only thing you talk about.
Good example: Said with a smile, at the beginning of the date: “Wow, this is funny! We've been emailing for so long, I feel like I should have a keyboard out to talk to you.”
Bad example: Said in the middle of the date: “So, am I the most normal person you've met through an online dating site? Let's compare war stories.”
As you set out on your first date, remember: it's not a novelty – it's a first meeting to determine if you're compatible as people. Nothing can be much simpler than that.
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