I Don't Care If Your Friend Would Date You
- Saturday, December 18 2010 @ 08:13 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,450
We all know it can be difficult to write an online dating profile. How to come off as a great human being, without sounding like... well, like you think you're a great human being? How to be confident, yet humble? Many people think they've found the trick to it all, the perfect balance. They think that by saying “My friends say I'm” (hot, loyal, terrific, the bee's knees) they can sneak in all the bragging they want. They'd be wrong.
There are many problems with describing yourself through your supposed friends' opinions. First and foremost, it tends to come off as a little insecure and dim. You don't know if you're a nice person or not, so you have to listen to what others tell you? You don't think anyone will believe you, so you've got to give references? It's the absolute opposite of confidence.
On the other hand, sometimes you can give an impression that's on the other end of the spectrum – that you're utilizing made-up friends to thinly veil the fact that you're boasting about yourself. It's another variation on the old “I have this friend – not me – and he has this problem...” routine. Instead, you're saying, “I'm completely fantastic! But don't take my word for it, take the word of my imaginary buds!”
A final reason not to use the old “friends” line is that it's just bad writing. There's an old saying in the world of writing – show, don't tell. By saying, “My friends say I'm loyal, kind, and funny” you're talking about yourself in the most boring way possible. Why not allow the reader to decide that you're loyal, kind and funny by talking about your volunteer work or your latest faceplant into a river? Telling stories and giving examples will make your profile stand out; giving a laundry list of opinions from someone who may or may not exist is the quickest way to make yourself forgettable.
As you construct your profile, remember that people want to know who you really are, not the face you show to the world. By relying on your friends' opinions, you're only telling the reader what others see – it makes you appear closed-off and distant. It can be hard to walk the fine line between confidence and arrogance, but the skill will come in time; plunge in. Do you want to start a relationship exposed and honest, or hiding behind your friends?
There are many problems with describing yourself through your supposed friends' opinions. First and foremost, it tends to come off as a little insecure and dim. You don't know if you're a nice person or not, so you have to listen to what others tell you? You don't think anyone will believe you, so you've got to give references? It's the absolute opposite of confidence.
On the other hand, sometimes you can give an impression that's on the other end of the spectrum – that you're utilizing made-up friends to thinly veil the fact that you're boasting about yourself. It's another variation on the old “I have this friend – not me – and he has this problem...” routine. Instead, you're saying, “I'm completely fantastic! But don't take my word for it, take the word of my imaginary buds!”
A final reason not to use the old “friends” line is that it's just bad writing. There's an old saying in the world of writing – show, don't tell. By saying, “My friends say I'm loyal, kind, and funny” you're talking about yourself in the most boring way possible. Why not allow the reader to decide that you're loyal, kind and funny by talking about your volunteer work or your latest faceplant into a river? Telling stories and giving examples will make your profile stand out; giving a laundry list of opinions from someone who may or may not exist is the quickest way to make yourself forgettable.
As you construct your profile, remember that people want to know who you really are, not the face you show to the world. By relying on your friends' opinions, you're only telling the reader what others see – it makes you appear closed-off and distant. It can be hard to walk the fine line between confidence and arrogance, but the skill will come in time; plunge in. Do you want to start a relationship exposed and honest, or hiding behind your friends?
Subscribe
