Body Language Basics: Touch And The Torso

In parts one and two of this series, we talked about the importance of understanding how to interpret the body language of other people, why it's necessary to learn how to control the signals sent by your own body language, and what a person's head and face can tell you about the inner workings of their mind and their interest in you. Now it's time to continue our quest to understand the basics of body language from head to toe with a discussion of touch and the torso.

What can you learn about a person from their shoulders, arms, and hands? What does it mean if someone touches you? When is it appropriate to initiate physical contact with someone else?

Let's start with the first question. The position of someone's body is almost always a physical representation of their mental state. A person with crossed arms is mentally closed off, for example, while a person who keeps their arms at their side is indicating that they feel emotionally open. If you notice that a date is keeping their arms crossed, they are most likely shy, in a bad mood, or not interested in you. A date with relaxed arms, on the other hand, is indicating that they feel sociable, open to new experiences, and curious about you.

The body language of the hands can be read similarly: relaxed, open palms suggest that a person is feeling open and relaxed internally. Take note of the position of your date's hands to determine if they are comfortable around you, receptive to your advances, and open to exploring whatever possibilities your acquaintance might bring.

Another sign of attraction is the position of your date's shoulders. When we are interested in someone we face them directly and lean slightly in their direction, so if you want to indicate that you're into someone, face them with your shoulders back and your arms at your side, and lean in close.

Slouching, as your parents probably told you, is an extremely grave offense. Not only is it bad for your back, it is unattractive and is a sign of low self-esteem. Maintain proper posture at all times to project confidence, which is universally recognized as one of the most attractive traits for both men and women.

Touch is one of the strongest indicators of interest that you will encounter. When meeting someone you're attracted to for the first time, it's essential for physical contact to begin as soon as possible. I don't mean that you should start pawing a date the second you've exchanged names, but I do mean that you should initiate small physical contact like touching their arm when giving them a compliment right away. It builds rapport, and prevents your date from thinking that touching you is awkward or abnormal when the relationship escalates. Besides, is there a better way to cultivate attraction than to demonstrate just how wonderful it feels to be touched by you, even in a completely platonic way? You can also use touch to determine the level of your date's interest in you. If you touch them and their natural reaction is to touch you back, the attraction is mutual and you have permission to touch them more. When they begin to initiate physical contact, you'll know for sure that they're ready to take the relationship to the next level.