Blunt Motivation
- Thursday, July 04 2013 @ 09:24 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,227
In the world of online dating, one of the quickest ways to get yourself pegged as a “creep” or “just a hookup” or even a potential spammer is to get explicit. When you talk about more than just romance, whether on your profile or in a first contact email, you run the risk that the reader will start to back away.
For some, this can be a puzzling concept. After all, you’re looking for a relationship or a date, right? And most adult relationships have a physical aspect as well as intellectual and emotional ones. When we talk about chemistry or a ‘spark,’ there’s obviously a physical component there as well. So why is it taboo to talk about such things on your profile?
The answer is this: most online dating sites are intended to be used to find someone to meet, not necessarily someone to immediately date or hook up with. While there are people who use them to look for something a little faster and less permanent than a lasting relationship, they aren’t necessarily the majority. So, in general, the “social rules” are the same as when you meet any random person in public for the first time.
Imagine that instead of an online dating site, you’re actually in a room, mingling with all these people. There will be some who are looking for a one-night stand, and by sending more overt, aggressive signals, they’re broadcasting that intent. Chances are, they’ll find someone likeminded. But everyone else moves a little more slowly; they’re expecting the usual greetings, introductions and small talk. The physical element, the chemistry, is still there, but it’s not typically addressed directly, until the couple is ready to get a little closer.
Thus, it’s not necessarily ‘wrong’ to be more forward about physical desires on your online profile, if that’s your main focus, but you have to be aware that that’s the message you’re sending. If someone is not clearly looking to move quickly in the physical realm, you’re not looking for the same thing; thus, don’t be surprised if emailing doesn’t go well. And if you are looking for a more slow-moving, long-term relationship, it helps to be aware that blunt desire is not the most successful approach. So think about the room full of mingling people; which kind are you?
For some, this can be a puzzling concept. After all, you’re looking for a relationship or a date, right? And most adult relationships have a physical aspect as well as intellectual and emotional ones. When we talk about chemistry or a ‘spark,’ there’s obviously a physical component there as well. So why is it taboo to talk about such things on your profile?
The answer is this: most online dating sites are intended to be used to find someone to meet, not necessarily someone to immediately date or hook up with. While there are people who use them to look for something a little faster and less permanent than a lasting relationship, they aren’t necessarily the majority. So, in general, the “social rules” are the same as when you meet any random person in public for the first time.
Imagine that instead of an online dating site, you’re actually in a room, mingling with all these people. There will be some who are looking for a one-night stand, and by sending more overt, aggressive signals, they’re broadcasting that intent. Chances are, they’ll find someone likeminded. But everyone else moves a little more slowly; they’re expecting the usual greetings, introductions and small talk. The physical element, the chemistry, is still there, but it’s not typically addressed directly, until the couple is ready to get a little closer.
Thus, it’s not necessarily ‘wrong’ to be more forward about physical desires on your online profile, if that’s your main focus, but you have to be aware that that’s the message you’re sending. If someone is not clearly looking to move quickly in the physical realm, you’re not looking for the same thing; thus, don’t be surprised if emailing doesn’t go well. And if you are looking for a more slow-moving, long-term relationship, it helps to be aware that blunt desire is not the most successful approach. So think about the room full of mingling people; which kind are you?
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