Editing Reality
- Thursday, February 21 2013 @ 09:23 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 888
I sat with my friend Mia, looking through the pictures she had on her laptop, choosing the best ones for her online dating profile.
“How about this one?” I asked. It was a picture of Mia at a wedding reception. She was laughing with two other bridesmaids. She looked natural and gorgeous, and her personality shone through.
She shook her head emphatically. “Nope. I can’t crop myself out well enough.”
“Maybe you could check with the other girls and see if they mind appearing on your profile,” I suggested.
She looked at me as though I had lost my mind. “I look terrible next to them!” she said. “I might look okay in a vacuum, but put me next to prettier people and it just emphasizes everything wrong with me.”
While I think Mia was being unreasonably insecure (she’s quite pretty), I can see her perspective. An online profile is all about letting the reader learn about you. You shouldn’t have to share the spotlight with anyone else. And, of course, you shouldn’t include anyone else’s picture without their permission. If Mia’s going to feel anxious over a simple photo, there’s no reason to include it and introduce additional stress.
On the other hand, while Mia’s profile may exist somewhat in a vacuum, her life will not. You can edit and omit anyone you feel is prettier from your profile, but go out anywhere in public, or even see a movie, and there’s bound to someone more attractive. If someone is going to be distracted by another attractive person on your profile, won’t they be similarly distracted in everyday life? And if so, is that the sort of person you want to attract and date?
Because we have absolute control over our online profiles - over the first impression we present - it can be tempting to attempt to exert such control over every other aspect of our lives. However, it’s a luxury we simply don’t have. As you write your profile, remember that you’re trying to find someone compatible with you in the real world - not the one you’ve constructed online.
“How about this one?” I asked. It was a picture of Mia at a wedding reception. She was laughing with two other bridesmaids. She looked natural and gorgeous, and her personality shone through.
She shook her head emphatically. “Nope. I can’t crop myself out well enough.”
“Maybe you could check with the other girls and see if they mind appearing on your profile,” I suggested.
She looked at me as though I had lost my mind. “I look terrible next to them!” she said. “I might look okay in a vacuum, but put me next to prettier people and it just emphasizes everything wrong with me.”
While I think Mia was being unreasonably insecure (she’s quite pretty), I can see her perspective. An online profile is all about letting the reader learn about you. You shouldn’t have to share the spotlight with anyone else. And, of course, you shouldn’t include anyone else’s picture without their permission. If Mia’s going to feel anxious over a simple photo, there’s no reason to include it and introduce additional stress.
On the other hand, while Mia’s profile may exist somewhat in a vacuum, her life will not. You can edit and omit anyone you feel is prettier from your profile, but go out anywhere in public, or even see a movie, and there’s bound to someone more attractive. If someone is going to be distracted by another attractive person on your profile, won’t they be similarly distracted in everyday life? And if so, is that the sort of person you want to attract and date?
Because we have absolute control over our online profiles - over the first impression we present - it can be tempting to attempt to exert such control over every other aspect of our lives. However, it’s a luxury we simply don’t have. As you write your profile, remember that you’re trying to find someone compatible with you in the real world - not the one you’ve constructed online.
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