Dating

According to The New York Times’ story last year on the current (and dismal) state of dating culture - dubbed the “Dating Apocalypse” - most Millennials using dating apps are just looking to hook up. In this feature story, we read several personal anecdotes from New York singles who were struggling with Tinder, ghosting, and meeting people who had a general lack of interest in serious relationships, which left us feeling like the world of online dating was scary and hopeless.

Turns out, this isn’t a very accurate portrayal of today’s dating culture.

A new study from one of the largest online dating services Plenty of Fish (POF) released a report this month based on over 800 survey respondents ages 18-33 (who also happen to be Millennials). These findings reveal that an overwhelming majority – 75% of Millennials to be exact – are looking for a serious relationship. This means, most are not looking for one-night stands, but real relationships.

In addition, another recent article in The New York Times flips this notion of hook-up culture on its head. Instead of taking Tinder to task for promoting hook-ups in dating, the reporter interviewed couples who had met on Tinder and later married, and even some couples who were expecting their first child after meeting over the notorious app. The conclusion is that Tinder is much more than a hook-up app, and yields successful matches for many members despite its reputation.

Tinder has been associated with hook-ups and the downfall of dating culture, but single people gravitate to it to meet people outside of their own social circles. It is the app with the largest user base, the app that most people have heard of, and because of its unique position, most people are willing to give it a try – simply because there are so many people using it.

The irony is, while some people are using it as a hook-up app, the majority of daters – including Millennials - are using it to seek out serious relationships. Despite the media claim that daters are stuck in a “casual dating” culture whether they like it or not, singles these days are still looking for good old-fashioned love. Dating apps are just a way of finding the right person, despite the superficial methods of swiping left or right based on a few photos.

Dating app culture might just be about convenience – we are always on our phones, and it’s easier to just swipe through photos rather than spending hours reading lengthy profiles. In fact, most of the long-standing dating sites have now launched apps that are more convenient and user-friendly, with photos front and center.

So the next time you are hesitant to try a dating app because you think that people are only looking for hook-ups, remember that 75% of the people you swipe through are looking for love, just like you. For more on the dating services mentioned you can read our POF review and our Tinder review.

You know what they say about first impressions. Choose the wrong profile photo and a potential match will swipe left without ever reading the text. Open with a groan-worthy pickup line and the conversation will end before it’s even started. A new date is sizing you up in seconds, and even the smallest details count.

A recent study of speed dates and online dating profiles found that body language plays an important role in how we evaluate romantic prospects. Subjects who assumed expansive postures with open arms and stretched torsos were almost twice as likely to be rated as attractive, and much more likely to be asked out on a “real” date.

In the new study, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Tanya Vacharkulksemsuk and her colleagues examined videos of 144 speed dates from a 2007 event held at Northwestern University. Each date was paired for 4 minutes at a time, and afterward each dater reported their level of interest on a scale of one to 10 for a variety of categories. They also indicated if they would be interested in continuing to pursue any of their dates.

Each video was additionally reviewed by a team of experts who were unaware of the experiment's goals, but were trained to recognize and record behaviors linked to attraction, such as laughing, smiling, and nodding.

Upon examining the videos, a pattern began to emerge. “Within milliseconds, we can pick up a suite of information about a person,” says Vacharkulksemsuk, “with social dominance and hierarchical standing being one of those things.” In the case of romantic entanglements, the same posture appeared over and over again in individuals who were rated as highly attractive.

“In general, we see an enlargement of the amount of space that a person is occupying, in contrast to contractive postures with arms and legs held close to the torso,” explains Vacharkulksemsuk. Open body language signals that you are relaxed, friendly, confident, and trustworthy - all qualities that are typically considered desirable in a partner.

When we meet people in real life, we don’t see them as static. Their body language constantly evolves over the course of an encounter, and our evaluations evolve along with it. Now that online dating is commonplace, we’re often forced to judge based on a fixed image - and not only that, but given the speed at which many singles flip through profiles, we also have to make those judgments more rapidly.

There’s plenty of room for error in that system, and Vacharkulksemsuk notes that determining all the factors involved in those snap judgments won’t be easy, but this study is a step in that direction. Now that you know the importance of this particular body language clue, you can consider it when choosing your next profile photo.

Ghosting is becoming a familiar term in dating. It’s a passive-aggressive way of breaking up with someone, where one partner goes completely silent by not returning calls or answering texts, offering a not-so-subtle rejection of their partner. While this behavior existed long before dating apps were created, it’s only become more common as dating apps have taken off.

A recent survey confirms this trend. Dating website Plenty of Fish (POF), one of the largest dating sites in the world, surveyed 800 Millennials between ages 18-33 in both the U.S. and Canada to understand attitudes and behavior patterns among young daters. Results of the survey showed that an overwhelming majority - 80% of Millennials - have at some point in their dating lives been ghosted.

There are many reasons behind the trend of ghosting. Dating apps do make it easier, since people can be anonymous. Most daters don’t have mutual friends in common when they meet over apps, so they aren’t really held accountable for their actions or behavior. It’s also much easier to ghost someone you may not know very well instead of confronting them directly. The assumption is that it’s easier to ghost someone than than to reject him outright (like it's easier to text than to call), or that the relationship was a casual one and therefore it’s “not a big deal” to just let it disappear.

In fact, “ghosting” seems to be the new trend when ending a relationship, and daters know it will happen. Fifteen percent of survey respondents admitted to scheduling multiple dates in one night, assuming that at least one date wouldn’t work out.

Some other interesting trends the survey discovered:

There’s no “Dating Apocalypse”: Contrary to popular belief, an overwhelming majority - 75% of millennials - use dating apps because they’re looking for a serious relationship. Forty-nine percent identified “just looking to hookup” as the biggest misconception about singles under the age of 30.

Financial difficulties factor into dating and relationships: According to the study, 30% of millennials live at home with their parents, and not surprisingly, 50% say this living situation negatively impacts their love life.

Savvy Singles: 50% millennial singles over the age of 24 have already been dating online for 5 years or more, with the majority of respondents currently using more than one dating app. Twenty-three percent visit an online dating site or app 3-5 times every day. If a date goes well, 20% of millennials won’t even wait one day to set up a second date.

Millenials aren’t just looking for hook-ups and are serious about finding relationships, which is good news. However, many dating app users need a few lessons when it comes to improving their dating behavior. Ghosting isn't the best way to end a new relationship.

For more information on this dating service you can read our POF review.

Believe the media hype about Tinder and you know it as the epicenter of youth hookup culture. The app is constantly plagued by accusations of promoting casual sex, but a recent survey from college jobs startup WayUp says the perception of Tinder could be a far cry from its reality.

The survey asked 200 college students about their dating habits. Seventy-three percent ranked Tinder as their favorite dating app, followed by Bumble at 13% and OkCupid at 10%. A lone student listed Facebook as her dating site of choice.

It’s not a surprise that college students show a strong preference for Tinder. They were amongst Tinder’s most active users when the app launched in 2012, and today Tinder says 50% of its users are in the college age group.

What’s more surprising is what they say they’re using it for. Twenty percent said they're looking for a hookup, 27% said they’re looking for a significant other, and the majority - at 53% - said they use dating apps to find friends.

So is that Tinder’s deep, dark secret? It’s not the sex-fueled free-for-all everyone thinks it is?

Both college students and researchers believe the survey isn’t an accurate reflection of the dating landscape. Sydney Mastandrea, a sophomore at University of Miami, told CNN Money, "I think people use [Tinder] for random hookups rather than [finding] friends — but say it's for 'friends' so they aren't judged."

Aditi Paul, a Ph.D. candidate researching online dating at Michigan State University, believes students don’t need an app to assist in finding friendships, as the college experiences provides a wealth of opportunities for social interaction.

Or perhaps students say “friendship” because they don’t actually know what they’re getting. Kathleen Bogle, professor and author of Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, told Inside Higher Ed that the tendency for college students to use the term could come from their proclivity for unlabeled romantic interactions. Without a more formal term, they default to “friendship” to keep their options open.

“I don’t know that I believe that people are just trying to make friends via Tinder and have no other intentions beyond that,” Bogle said. “I think that’s just a sign of being open to whatever happens, happens.”

Rosette Pambakian, vice president of communications at Tinder, takes a more open-minded view of the application. In 2014, she told Elle, "The purpose was never just for dating, it was for social discovery in general ... The co-founders wanted to create a really efficient way to meet people around you who you probably would have never met before."

In the end, it doesn’t matter to Tinder. Whether college students are looking for friendships, hookups, or long-term love, they’re still using the app. For more on this service, you can read our review of Tinder

Dating apps are popular in part due to the low commitment factor. Most apps are free to download and begin using, so there isn’t much incentive for people to pay for enhanced services, or pay to use an app at all. You can swipe left and right, checking back for new matches at any time.

Because many dating apps have also modeled themselves after the swiping aspect of Tinder, where potential dates are judged instantly, and some argue, superficially, there is not much incentive for singles to get serious in their searches, and especially to pay for an online dating service. This has contributed to a dating app culture where daters aren’t necessarily invested or interested in serious dating.

However, a new study from Earnest, an alternative lending firm based in San Francisco, California, has revealed that people are willing to pay for a dating app, if it means they get more quality matches and have a better chance of connecting with someone and starting a relationship.

As we saw with online dating sites like Plenty of Fish, free doesn’t necessarily mean that daters are getting their needs met. In fact, many daters tried these free services only to return to the paid services later on, assuming that people using them were more serious.

Online dating services and apps vary in cost, with some starting as low as $10 per month while some can cost as much as $65 per month.

One surprising find from the study is that men seem to be more serious in their search, outnumbering women in terms of who will pay for dating services by sixteen percent.

Another interesting find: those living on the West Coast are 55 percent more likely to pay for a dating service than in other parts of the US. (So no, California residents aren’t so flaky after all!)

Overall, nearly 10 percent of those surveyed said they paid for a dating app, with Match, OkCupid and E-Harmony edging out Tinder as go-to romance resources. Forty-four percent of participants were willing to pay for Match, while 32% were willing to pay for OkCupid’s services and 22% will pay for eHarmony. (Tinder came in fourth at 9%.)    

And no surprise, older singles ages 36-50 are 50% more likely to pay for a dating app than their younger counterparts, aged 18-26.

For more information on the services mentioned in this study, you can read our reviews of Match, OkCupid, and eHarmony.

For the sixth year in a row, Match.com surveyed singles from across the United States to examine what it means to be single and looking for love in the 21st century. More than 5,500 were surveyed for the 2015 edition of the annual ‘Singles in America’ study. The report covers a wide range of topics, but two are especially hot: sex and exes.

The survey begins by comparing the two most talked-about generations. Match found that Boomers, despite being older, are hardly prudes. They’re 118% more likely to have a one-night stand on vacation and 53% more likely to have a threesome. Millennials, on the other hand, are 165% more likely to have filmed sex and 236% more likely to be completely drunk the first time they sleep with someone.

Singles In America goes on to present sex stats on a range of subjects:

• 44% of respondents lost their virginity by 18
• 75% had sex by 21
• 16% of women said they’re open to making a sex tape
• 24% of men admitted to having sex in public
• 55% of women have had multiple orgasms
• 3% of men never orgasm from sex
• 50% of singles have had 6 or fewer partners
• 47% of singles have had fewer than 15 partners
• 46% of singles have had a friends-with-benefits arrangement
• 25% of singles have turned a one-night stand into a relationship

What happens that those relationships don’t work out? Match.com also studied the behavior of exes in America. Unsurprisingly, sex was still a hot topic. Twenty-five percent of singles said they've hooked up with an ex, while 33% confessed to dreaming about doing it.

The biggest questions involved breakups and friendship. Forty-two percent of women said they would stay friends with an ex, but fifty percent of female respondents said they wouldn't be okay with a friend dating their ex-boyfriend. However, 25% of women and 50% of men said dating an ex’s friend is totally cool.

Your likelihood of scoring that date in the first place depends on the language you use in your profile. A ‘LOL’ or a ‘Haha’ boosts your odds of a date by 255% and your chances of hitting the sack by 39%. But the real winner of the language race? It’s 2015’s most trendy phrase: ‘Netflix and chill.’

Match.com found that the sneaky sex reference increases your odds by an astronomical 99%, a sizable advantage over some of the year’s other trendy terms. ‘Ghost’ bolstered your chances by 63% and ‘Bae’ by 64%, with ‘on fleek’ pulling up the rear at a disastrous -26%. Time to give your profile a linguistic spring cleaning. Read our review of Match.com for more information on the dating service which conducted this study.