Friendship

Just when you think you've got this dating thing figured out, you enter a new stage of life and everything gets flipped on its head.

Life in your early 20s was very different from life in your late 20s. Both still have some sense of freedom and finding yourself, but things change as you approach 30. You're more comfortable with who you are and have a better idea of where you're going. You're older (duh) but also wiser, and that means a shift in who and how you date.

Dating in your late 20s/early 30s is a different game with a whole new set of rules. Like:

Expand your reach. When you were younger, you probably looked for dates in the same few places. College parties. Your classes. Local bars. But now that you're older, you have starting looking elsewhere – including places you never thought you'd look. Put yourself out there in ways you never thought you would, whether that means taking a tango class or joining an online dating site.

Be direct with your dates. If casual dating is your thing, keep with it. But if you're in the market for something more serious, you have to put in the work to find it. The sooner you can separate the good ones from the horror stories you'll tell your friends later, the better. You have to be upfront with your dates. Don't think of it as “coming on too strong” - you're being honest about what you want (and what your dates want) so you know right away if you're not compatible and no one's time is wasted.

Stand firm with friends and family. This is usually the age when friends and family start peppering you with questions. So...are you seeing anyone? Do you plan to settle down? Don't you want children? Why are you still single? They mean well, but it will probably make you want to throw things at them. There's probably nothing you can do to stop the questions – even if you know you aren't ready for those steps or know that you never want them – but you can be prepared. Come armed with answers you've worked out ahead of time when you know those questions are likely on the way.

Don't compare yourself with others. Whether or not you get those questions, insecurities have a way of creeping up. Your life changes dramatically in your late 20s and early 30s, and so do the lives of everyone around you. Just look at your Facebook feed – engagement photos, wedding photos, baby photos. Wash, rinse, repeat. If you're there and your friends are still getting wasted on Friday nights, that's ok. If you're not there and everyone else seems to be getting hitched and buying houses, that's ok too. Trust that you are in the right place at the right time for your life.

It was only a matter of time before a Denver-based app developer would take advantage of the city’s new legalized pot industry. High There! - a new dating app specifically for weed lovers, launched this month for Android and will be debuting in the iTunes store soon. In addition to the mile-high city, the app is also available in 23 states that have legalized medical marijuana laws.

High There has been described as “the Tinder of pot smoking,” although instead of matching according to proximity and age preferences, the app asks for your weed preferences, such as vaping or smoking, and what your energy level is when you are imbibing – “low energy couch potato or high energy explorer,” according to a report on Mashable.

The design of the app is similar to Tinder, with photos as the main feature and the ability to accept or reject a match by swiping left or right. Besides how you consume your pot, a few extra questions are added to enhance your profile, including what you are in the mood for – “go out, stay in, or chat?” and your interests (“culture, outdoors”).

CEO Todd Mitchem says he was inspired to create the app after his date called it quits when she found out he smoked pot. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, so he decided he’d rather only date pot smokers – but needed a way to meet them. He wanted to build a community around people who might otherwise feel shunned for their habit. He told Mashable that the app “can also act as a kind of social network for smokers who are seeking recommendations on local dispensaries, to share tips or just make friends with other like-minded folks.”   

High There however is not the first dating app to cater to this particular clientele. My420mate launched last year, and 420Singles has been offering their pot-friendly app for a while as well, though High There seems to be getting a lot more attention in the press.

So far, the reception to High There has been mixed, according to reviews in the app store. The main reason for users’ frustration is that they download the free app and then can’t use it because of the marijuana laws in their particular cities. (If it isn’t available to purchase legally in your town, you can’t use the app.) Many people complain that they do have medical marijuana cards from another city, but can’t use the app because of the legal status in the city where they live.

High There is free and available for Android users, and will soon be available for download from the iTunes store.

Valentine’s Day can stir up a lot of emotion for singles. The holiday is pervasive –there’s the mountain of chocolates and pink hearts on display when you walk into your local grocery store, not to mention the bouquets and presents being delivered to your work colleagues as they squeal in delight.

Maybe you wonder: why is it that a Hallmark-manufactured holiday is still around, making couples spend money they don’t have and making singles feel like uninvited party guests? Sure, some people are now calling February 14^th “Singles Awareness day,” but does that really help the situation?

There are a few ways to buck the holiday – or at least, try to have some fun in spite of it. Instead of getting frustrated or venting with your friends about your single V-Day, try one or some of these to have a little fun:

Throw a party with your friends. There’s nothing stopping you from celebrating Valentine’s Day without a romantic partner. Why not acknowledge the love you have for your group of friends? They have been there through it all, so it’s good to recognize this. Grab some fondue, some wine and cheese and make it a night to celebrate!

Take a spa day. Why should couples have all the romantic fun? Treat yourself to a little TLC and splurge for a massage – maybe throw in a scrub or a facial, too. The point is – pamper yourself. There’s no reason you can’t have love for yourself on Valentine’s Day.

Host a dinner. If you’re not into throwing an informal party, invite a few friends over and try your hand at cooking a fabulous meal. If you’re not a chef, then see if one of your friends wants to pitch in or pick up some food from your favorite local spot. Then serve in fancy dishes around your table to make the night special. The point is to cultivate love.

Call a friend who’s far away. Not really feeling social? That’s okay, too. But if you choose to spend the night at home watching rom-coms in your pajamas, it might make you feel worse. Try calling your old friend who you talk to maybe once every couple of years. There’s nothing more meaningful than telling someone how much they mean to you, no matter how far away.

Volunteer. Valentine’s Day is a good time to acknowledge how much we have in our lives, and to share love with others. Do you love dogs? Try walking them at a local shelter. If you want to work with people, try reading to kids at your library. There are lots of opportunities if you look around you. In fact, everyone should look into this for Valentine’s Day, whether or not they are in a relationship.

The point of Valentine’s Day is to spread love, right? So let’s start with it in our own lives.

Did you make out with your boss at the company holiday party? Or hook up with the guy in the next cubicle after a happy hour? Or maybe you have secretly been pining for a hot co-worker who you don’t know well, except for brief flirtations over Snapchat or Whisper.

If any of these scenarios make you squirm a little in your chair, you might be grappling with the age-old question of – should I or shouldn’t I? – when it comes to dating a co-worker.

It’s easy to understand why people would form romantic attachments to their fellow colleagues and bosses. After all, you spend most of your days with them, you work on projects together, and you bond over coffee breaks and happy hours. They are in a sense like another family. But what happens when you cross that line and start entering relationship territory, even if it’s all in secret from your other co-workers?

Following are some things to keep in mind before you take that next step:

Stay away from the hierarchy. If you are interested in your boss or a subordinate employee, you are treading dangerous ground. Most company policies have rules against this, because it can lead to unfair workplace advantages (or at least the perception of them among the other employees). Instead of throwing caution to the wind, look elsewhere – for another love interest or another job.

Understand the consequences. This might sounds harsh, but if the relationship ends, do you want to keep working next to your ex? Do you want to hear about his new relationship? If you can’t handle the idea of seeing your ex on a daily basis, then you might want to reconsider the relationship.

Think of career ambitions. Are you willing to quit your job and find another? Sometimes when office relationships don’t work out, it can mean problems for your career. If you’re in a specialized field with limited job opportunities, it would be better to look outside of work for a relationship.

Does the relationship have long or short-term potential? You might be in the heat of passion, but this doesn’t mean it’s good for you in the long run. Maybe you worked for hours together on a project and it created intimacy between you. It’s hard to let go of that – but ask yourself: do you have other things to talk about besides work? Are there other areas of your life that intersect? This makes all the difference in its success. If you are only caught up in the heat of the moment, it will pass. So choose your moves wisely.

The New Year is here, and this means a new chance at love for everyone. You might have made a few mistakes in 2014, but that doesn’t mean you can’t turn things around from this point forward. The beauty of life is that we are always growing and changing – and this means in our love lives, too.

Instead of doing the same old things in your social life, or recycling that old online dating profile, the New Year is a time to toss out the old and start fresh. That said, following are five dating resolutions you can make in the New Year:

Try new places. Dating doesn’t have to be a boring series of drinks and coffee dates. Instead of local watering holes, think of things you like to do on your own and incorporate them into your dating life – like hiking, art classes, sports, or finding treasures to fix up at flea markets. Even if you don’t get along with your date, you won’t feel it’s a waste of time. Plus, it puts you in a good mood – the right frame of mind for dating.

Expand your social circle. I know there are many introverted people out there who hate the idea of going to parties alone or joining an online dating site. But rest assured – most people hate going alone to parties and joining online dating sites. You aren’t alone. The point is, you never know where you’ll meet someone special, so it’s good to expand your opportunities instead of restricting them. Allowing more doors to open in your life is a good thing.

Develop a hobby. Most people are so tied up with work and obligations towards friends and family that they seldom take time just for themselves. But when you pursue something just because you enjoy it – and not because you make a living out of it – it creates more happiness in your life. Pursuing a hobby isn’t an extravagance – it’s a necessary part of life.

Be thankful. This might sound trite, but the act of acknowledging all you have in your life creates more positive energy and a happier you. Practice giving thanks for something every day – even if it’s something seemingly insignificant like a beautiful sunrise or an invigorating run. There is so much beauty in the small moments of life. Embrace them.

Say yes more often. Dating can be an emotional roller coaster, and many people need a break from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with this, but some people choose to stay stuck by admitting that “online dating doesn’t work for me,” or other excuses based on a few dates gone wrong. Instead of dwelling in what hasn’t worked, try to remain open to future possibilities. Say yes to a date you aren’t sure about, respond to more emails and messages. Taking more chances also brings more opportunities. Seize the moment.

Happy New Year!

In case you haven't noticed, you are now living in a world where online dating is the norm. Millions upon millions of people use dating services around the world. In America, more than half of people say online dating is a good way to meet people. Estimates calculate that as many as one-third of US marriages now begin online. We're on Tinder on our lunch breaks, on our commutes, while we're on the treadmill...

Welcome to the future.

Technology is increasingly a part of our love lives, but... is it the best way to find romance? Is there any reason left to look for love the old-fashioned way?

Well, according to research from Cornell University and the University of Indianapolis, the personal connection – not your Internet connection – may still be most effective way to meet your match. The universities found that those who met their partners through family, friends, or other members of their community experienced “stronger ties” and the positive reinforcement that comes from dating in a more “socially acceptable” way.

Those who met online, on the other hand, were more self-conscious about their relationships, despite the fact that the stigma around online dating has been on the decline for years. Because they didn't meet through in-person connections, those people lacked the automatic support of friends or family. "Our results suggest that those who meet via weak ties perceive lower levels of support for their unions," reports the abstract.

As much as we like to think of ourselves as independent and unconcerned with the opinions of others, very few of us actually live up to that ideal. It is important to us to feel proud of our relationships and supported by those who matter to us. When those things aren't present, it can have a profound impact on the relationship.

"If you meet where there's a supportive social network, you receive encouragement to continue and deepen the relationship – especially when friends or colleagues say: 'We knew you guys were right for each other,'" Cornell's Sharon Sassler told Mic.com. Without that strong foundation, it becomes easier to question the relationship when it hits a rough patch.

Some dating services, like Hinge, are attempting to bridge the connection between in-person and online. Hinge only connects users who share mutual Facebook friends, decreasing the randomness factor while increasing the important elements of support and social approval. It's still online dating, but with a real-life twist.

It's one part old-fashioned, one part new-fangled, and maybe just the right combination of both to be the way of the future.