Couples

Love doesn’t come with a textbook. There are no rubrics or cheat sheets. And it definitely doesn’t look like what you see in the movies.

Modern dating is complex and constantly evolving. Relationships are not easy to build and maintain, but they never were. Love comes in many guises - some readily recognizable, some not.

Forget what you know from Twilight. Unrealistic expectations can kill a relationship before it even starts. The reality? It isn’t always pretty, but it’s all we’ve got. These 4 life lessons may not be easy to learn, but they’re essential to lasting love.

When we think of romance, most of us think of scenes from movies or luxurious vacations. What woman doesn’t like getting all dressed up as she waits for her man to take her for a romantic dinner by candlelight, or whisks her away on a weekend getaway near the beach?

While these scenarios are great, they are also expensive, stressful, and a little bit cliché. Instead of impressing your date with how much money you can spend on her or what impressive vacation you can take her on, try thinking a little more creatively. There are plenty of ways to be romantic on a budget, so you don’t put such a dent in your wallet.

Following are some ideas:

Dating looks vastly different in 2016, even compared to a few decades ago. But while our methods have changed, the mindset remains the same: at the end of it all, most of us are hoping to find “the one.”

Online dating can raise questions. Is it just about hookups? Will I actually meet anyone in person? Are there real people behind those profiles? How do I make a good impression on someone I’ve never seen face to face? Are there any signs that they could be something serious?

PlentyOfFish knows the struggle of finding a soulmate better than most, so they set out in search of answers. The popular dating site surveyed more than 1,100 former users who married someone who met on their site. After all, if those people don’t know the secrets to long-term love, who does?

Dream of seducing a supermodel with your charming personality and fantastic sense of humor? You may be out of luck, and online dating is to blame. Recent studies suggest that dating sites and apps make it harder to land someone out of your league.

How often have you heard that “opposites attract?” How unique do you believe your preferences are? Research shows that both ideas are myths - preferences matter very little once people meet face to face, and compatible couples are more likely to be alike than different.

Studies repeatedly support the idea of “assortative mating,” which Priceonomics defines as “the hypothesis that people generally date and marry partners who are like them in terms of social class, educational background, race, personality, and, of course, attractiveness.” In other words, 10s date each other and a 2 doesn’t stand a chance with any of them.

Are you a Trump supporter looking for love? PlentyOfFish has some bad news for you.

The dating site recently surveyed more then 4000 American singles over the age of 18 to examine how love lives can be affected by political affiliation. It’s often said that politics (along with religion and exes) is not a first-date discussion, and POF’s research confirms it.

According to the data, singles are hesitant about dating someone with drastically different political views than their own. Twenty-five percent steadfastly refused to do so and thirty-one percent said they are unsure if they would even attempt it. Cross “the U.S. election” off your list of conversation topics if you don’t want to rock the boat.

Is the perfect partner dall, dark, and handsome? Is he a leather jacket-wearing bad boy? Maybe she’s an effortlessly beautiful model, or a geeky gamer girl.

The real answer, of course, goes much deeper than that. A perfect partner should be judged not by their looks, but by their actions. EliteSingles polled 10,000 members from around the world about how they would like their future partner to act in a relationship. Some of the results may surprise you.

Participants were asked to agree or disagree with a series of statements about the behavior they expect from their partners. According to the survey, the top five things singles would like their ideal partner to do are:

1. Share his/her concerns with me: 91%
2. Include me in his/her plans for the future: 86%
3. Accompany me to a family member’s birthday party: 84%
4. Give me freedom to have time (hobbies, interests, etc.) for myself: 83%
5. Find the time to talk to me every day: 80%

The study also delved into things EliteSingles members didn’t expect their future partners to do. Men and women gave mostly the same answers, but they expressed a significant difference in the way they expected their partners to show affection. Only 2% of women wished for their partners to show affection through sex, while men were averse to being shown affection by receiving compliments. Only 3% of men said they expect praise from their partners.

Other key differences between Mars and Venus focused on household chores and fashion choices. Fifty-nine percent of women said expect their partners to do housework, compared to 38% of men. What men were more interested in was lingerie - 62% of men said they would like to be surprised with sexy underwear, compared to just 26% of women.

As silly as some of these stats may sound, and as easy as you may think it is to write them off, expectations are essential to relationships. Standards are necessary and healthy, as long as you don’t saddle a partner with an excessive number of expectations or expectations that are unreasonable.

EliteSingles psychologist Salama Marine offers this caution:

“The problem is when you feel obligated to fulfill your partner’s expectations: when you start to feel limited in your decisions or not free anymore to do what you want; or when your needs are completely forgotten to only respond to your partner’s expectations. If this is the case, then it’s a sign that there is a problem in the relationship.”

If you find yourself in that situation, there’s only one solution: communication. Discuss your expectations with your partner clearly and openly, and be sure to listen to them in return. "Good communication will allow you to negotiate and compromise,” says Marine.

For more information on this dating service please read our Elite Singles review.