Tips

The Los Angeles divorce of Frank and Jamie McCourt is well publicized, as is their exceptional wealth and key point of contention: they're arguing over who owns the Los Angeles Dodgers. He always assumed the team was his and she always assumed half was hers. It's a $700 million dollar point of contention and a recent Huffington Post article cites the varying dangers of assumptions that we all deal with in the land of relationships. An overwhelmingly powerful read, the article brilliantly articulates the widespread issue of assumptions and how we deal with those assumptions in relationships. Causes, effects and consequences based on these assumptions create chain reactions in love and life. If you don't know what to look for, you could be ending something as soon as it begins.

Unstated Assumptions: When you begin spending time around someone, you get impressions. You had a date, you're going out on Thursday, he's going to pick up the tab. Possible misunderstandings are around every corner and through effective communication, you minimize those unstated assumptions as they become shared understandings. Talk, talk, talk - it's the road to relationship redemption! Just think about matchmaking services and online dating sites - you're shopping for similarities and understand in advance what someone shares with you. There's less ground for assumption and a better ground for understanding.

Shared Perceptions are Earned and Not Assumed: If couples fail to talk about assumptions, it's breeding ground for conflict. Communication is the conduit for minimizing the effect that assumptions can have on your relationship. Those are assumptions that every relationship faces. However, as a relationship progresses, couples begin to operate "on the same page." This is through effective communication.

Violated Assumptions: All relationships inevitably proceed with some assumptions. When someone in the relationship violates one of those assumptions, however, it causes both partners to evaluate how they see the other person moving forward. It's a time to reassess, evaluate and begin communicating so as to prevent future misunderstandings on the same issue.

Bias - it Happens: According to the article, assumptions happen and they tend to skew in a self-serving direction. In other words, the things we assume are more likely to consider ourselves first and our partners second. As with the McCords above, they both feel "Of course I own the Dodgers! How could you think otherwise?" Consistent and open lines of communication go miles towards preventing the dangers that bias presents in the inevitable land of assumptions.

Room for Adjustment: One of the biggest benefits to communication is the "room to move" effect. By consistently communication, a couple can make adjustments along the way and continually hone their relationship. This minimizes the dangers assumptions present along the way. More in-tune couples discuss deeper issues while those with lesser communication skills tend to avoid them and stick with the non-interactive world do assumptions. Is it easier to build a relationship where there's an ongoing dialogue or one that hits a terminal point and you're left with attorneys tasked with sorting out the tangled web of assumptions you've built along the way?

At first, it may seem daunting or even unmanly to talk about things that are important to you in a relationship beyond where you're going to sit at the ball game on Saturday. There's nothing undignified about establishing grounds for being able to talk to one another. The more communicating you get used to doing as a couple, the better off you'll be in the long run. And remember: talking is different than communicating. We talk all day long. It's the conversations that matter and involve a sharing of ideas instead of just a superficial-level agreement or disagreement that will go miles towards propelling your relationships down a path of success instead of one destined for conflict.

Everyone's heard about Sandra Bullock's devastating journey as she moves on from the cheating man who left her heart by the curb. Many of us have been there, so what do you do when your Price Charming turns out to be a Prince Harming? O Magazine recently published an inspiring article that helps men and women alike get through what's not only a brutal time, but one that's a great ground for rebuilding and reveling in who you are and what you bring to the table.

Celebrate YOU. When someone's violated your trust, why not take the time to focus on who you are and what you have to offer? The decision to cheat is one person's and one alone. You can't control their decisions and you can't make the situation to go away. Sit down and make a list of all the things you have going for you and remember that they're all great things!

Trade Anger for Inspiration. Instead of spending your time being angry at the person who violated your trust, look at the bright side. NOW you know who they are. NOW you can focus your energy on finding someone who's worthy of your time and affections. NOW you have a world of love waiting for you when the right person comes along!

What You Learned Versus What You Lost. You learned something in that bad relationship, so why not celebrate it? Take all the warning signs and use them as markers as you move forward. By gathering up all of those points of learning, you're putting yourself in the position to avoid the same mistakes with a new partner. You can also recognize warning signs early on that your Prince Charming might not be all they seem.

Be Proud of Yourself. No one deserves a Prince Harming and you've placed yourself in a position where you can move on with your life. It's a difficult decision to end a relationship so be proud of your ability to dig deep and decide to move on.

Ever wonder why no one is looking at your online dating profile? In the world of e-dating, there are thousands of people from which to choose in your local area. You're a great catch, you're ready to meet someone - but why aren't they clicking? We've put together the top three reasons why you might not be attracting the online attention you think you deserve. Have a read and see if any of these reasons hit home.

Reason #1: No Photo
If you're concerned about privacy or afraid that your co-workers and friends will see you in the midst of your looking for love, maybe you opted to not post a photo. This is one of the prime reasons your profile isn't getting any clicks and likely no messages. People are attracted to people - how they look, first and foremost. All of the other stuff in your profile can make for an interesting person, but you really can't blame people for not clicking through a profile with no photo. If you post a photo, you're going to see the clicks on your profile increase. Need help in selecting one? Ask a friend. Don't have a recent photo? No excuse. Ask a friend, grab a digital camera and get some shots of your mug!

Reason #2: Incomplete Profile
Maybe you've gone the extra step and uploaded a photo. But did you neglect to fill-out the entire online questionnaire for your dating profile? Online dating sites put a lot of thought (and user feedback) into the questions they ask you to answer. If you're not doing your part in filling out your profile, you can't blame your fellow online daters for skipping over your profile. It makes it look as if you're not invested in the process. Set aside an afternoon or an evening and pretend you're IM'ing or chatting with a date and THEY'RE the ones who want you to answer these questions. Be open and honest. Don't sugar coat (but don't be a jerk). Treat the online dating profile questionnaire like a conversation with the date of your dreams. When you invest yourself in the process, it comes across to the people reading it on the other end. And just think - the more complete you are, the better opportunity you have for finding an ideal match. After all, if you fail to mention you have three wonderful children, how much time could you potentially waste by meeting-up with people who don't like kids? That's not fair to you - or them.

Reason #3: Your Activity Level
No, we don't mean how many miles you run on any given day. We mean the last time you logged in to the online dating website. Many sites like Match.com give users the ability to search for matches based on most recent activity or when their last login was. If you're only popping into the site once a week, you're doing yourself a disservice. Granted, it's easy to avoid the actual online interface of most dating sites since you can get your messages and notifications via email. But do yourself a favor: pop into the online dating site of your choice every day or two and if nothing else, purge your inbox or run a search. It takes two minutes and it puts you back up at the top of the pile when users choose to search by activity level. It's likely something you never thought to consider if you noticed your profile isn't getting clicks or emails, but try it if you've been playing hooking from the website. It just might work!

Get your spring dating routine into full bloom! The weather is finally looking up, the snow is melting and the time is right for you and that special someone to kick down the front door, put the top down and head outside. We've got some essential ideas for spring dating sure to put a smile on your face as the days get a little bit longer and the sun shines a bit brighter each and every day.

Cruise the Mountains or Beach
More sun and blue skies mean it's the perfect time to hop in the car and head for the coast or hills. Plan a mid-day trip so you take advantage of the warmest part of the day and pack a lunch or plan a stop along the way for snacks. There's plenty of opportunity to dip your toes in the sand even if the water is too cold and breathe the crisp mountain air before the scorching summer comes along.

Get Parked!
Your local park is the ideal spring dating destination - it's convenient AND free! Whether you're up for a game of Frisbee or catch or simply want to plant yourselves on a blanket and take in the sun, we're betting there's a park near you that can offer you a wonderful afternoon of recreation and relaxation - whatever suits your fancy.

Smell the Roses
Most major cities have a botanical garden and spring is definitely the right time to catch all of the flowers in bloom. Plan an afternoon and schedule a leisurely stroll through one of these wonders of nature in your area. Many have educational programs, how-to classes and seminars that can not only add to the richness of your day but allow you and your special someone to explore something new together in the great outdoors.

Want to take your dating practices to a new level? A green level? There's a lot of mention in the news as of late on green dating and now relationships have a new "eco-sexual" aspect. Maybe you're a recycling pro or opt for the bike before the car. Whatever your bent, there are ways to make your dating experiences green in a kiffy with these easy to follow tips and list of resources:

• Transportation: If you want to stay uber-eco, keep your dating green by choosing destinations along public transit routes. Subway, bus and light rail are all great ways to get around. Not only does shared transit help lessen your carbon footprint, it keeps you from those pesky DUI's if you and your date have had a little too much fun.
• Know Your (Geo) Limits: Ardent biker? You may want to limit your dating geography to those matches who live in a certain mile radius so you can bike to the one you like year-round. As an alternative, make arrangements with your date to explore dating destinations around your local area and if you need to make a hike to a destination further away, explore the option for public transit to get you there safe and sound.
• Cook Smart: Sharing cooking duties is a sexy way to spend an evening. Why not make it eco-sexual? Shop for goods at local farmer's markets, buy only in-season produce and cook in resilient cast iron cookware (your grandmother had it right with this awesome cooking tool!).
• Keep it Local: So many local businesses these days are going the extra mile and supporting other local businesses. Look for restaurants that use local produce, coffee shops that use fair trade beans, teas and local dairy, and stores that offer artwork and goods by local and fair trade-certified vendors.
• Water Smarts. Ditch bottled water and opt for his and hers reusable water bootles. Steel and the new BPA-free Nalgene bottles are great options! Fill them up and make them apart of every date day out on the town.

Congrats! You took the plunge and have indulged in some online dating. One site, maybe a couple...your social life is bumping. How do you keep the rhythm going even through the inevitable lulls that come along with holidays, vacations and the electronic online dating waiting game? Here are six tips to keep you busy and out in the open while you wait for your inbox to fill-up.

Local Meetup Clubs
Just do a web search for "meetup" and you'll be taken to one of the most popular sites people in numerous locales use to find other people just like them. Whether you're a cyclist or a knitter, there are folk out there just like you with regular events and gatherings.

Local Sports and Recreation Departments
Think that city sports are just for inner city kids? Well, they're for big kids, too! Tons of cities host intramural and recreational sports leagues through their recreation and parks divisions. A quick web search should get you on your way to everything from kickball to softball.

Volunteering
Your favorite charity and local zoo/museum - they can always use a helping hand. Not only can you get out to meet people who share your passions, you can spend time around things that you love the most!

Book Nooks
If you're a reader, why not indulge yourself with a tour of local bookstores? Try to visit two new destinations each week. Not only will you likely find some new places to hang, but it makes for a great story when you share it with your fellow bibliophiles.

Get Out
Take the dogs or just yourself and head outside. Whether you ski, hike, climb, bike, run or all of the above, doing what you love is a great way to pass the time and meet fellow enthusiasts. Keeping yourself moving while waiting for the inbox to fill is an ideal distraction and makes you feel better for the date that's just around the corner.