Tips

Although online dating is extremely convenient in many ways, it also adds the complex problem of reading tone and intention through text. How is it possible to read the subtlety of an email without the added dimension of body language? Through the specific body language of text.

Text has its own secret language of nuances that allow you to read into what your potential match is thinking. Here are some examples:

What kind of language does he/she use? Are your exchanges well-thought out or written in chat-speak (“omg,” “lol,” “jk,” and “btw” are all examples of chat-speak)? The type of language he/she uses may give some indication of the level of seriousness they’re taking to the dating scene. Someone who wants to be taken seriously writes seriously. So if you’re looking for a long-term relationship and your match responds with a series of acronyms, you may have different dating goals.

How fast does he/she respond? A series of rapid exchanges fired across digital space will probably indicate a strong connection. When like-minded people come into contact with each other, it is often fiery and intense, sparking immediate interest and attention. So if you find yourself running to your computer to check your inbox, eager for that next missive, you can probably guess that your partner is doing the same thing. If, on the other hand, the person with whom you’re writing doesn’t respond for weeks and weeks, it indicates either one of two possibilities: 1.) a lack of real interest in dating or 2.) a busy schedule, which in itself could be a deal breaker if you’d like to date someone with more free time.

What are your emails like? Are they largely one-sided, or does your partner engage and ask you questions as well? If your partner pays attention to the details of your email, it is likely than he/she will be equally, if not more, engaged with you once you start real-time dating.

How does he/she respond to your questions? Does he/she give well-thought out answers, expressing genuine consideration for your questions, or does he/she seem evasive or hard to engage? If the person with whom you’re writing opens up and shares his/her life with you, a level of implicit trust is evident, meaning that they’re genuinely interested in you and want you to be interested, as well.

In all avenues of life, career, love and family, we teach people how to treat us. It is the same with dating. When we find ourselves excited by a potential date, it's important to keep ourselves in check so we don't repeat negative or self-defeating patterns in our relationships.

If you're attracted to someone and are feeling pressure about how to act and what to do so you don't come across as desperate, ask yourself the following questions:

Am I making myself too available? If he makes a habit of calling at 5pm to have dinner the same night and you continually accept without hesitation, you are teaching him that this is acceptable behavior. In reality, it's disrespectful of you and your time. So, time to stop accepting these last-minute invitations. The same goes for calling and texting. Put the phone down and let him reach out to you.

Do I seem clingy? If you've only been on a few dates, it's not reasonable to expect you're in a relationship. Don't make assumptions and ask probing questions about where he's been and with whom. If he is dating other people, he's entitled, and so are you.

Am I ignoring other parts of my life, like work or career? If you've stopped making plans with your friends to clear your schedule for your new love interest, or if you've dropped the ball at work, this may be a sign that you're jumping the gun. Take your time and don't stop enjoying your own life!

Am I making excuses for my date's behavior? When you are a desperate dater you'll rationalize bad behavior: is he critical of you, or does he make fun of you? Does he call when he says he'll call? If you find yourself excusing his bad behavior, it's time to reconsider whether this is the right relationship for you.

One of the hardest things about online dating is creating a great online profile. There are so many things to consider, especially which photos to use to show off your best self.

Following are some tips on what you should avoid when going through photos and deciding which ones to post. Event though you might be proud of a certain shot, potential dates might not feel the same!

Photos of yourself surrounded by women/ men. Sure, you may have a lot of friends, but singles looking at your profile would rather see you. Save the group shots for Facebook.

Photos with an ex removed. It's pretty obvious when you've deleted a significant other out of a picture. Even if you feel you look good, the bit of hair on your shoulder gives you away, so leave it out.

Photos of you without a shirt. Yes, I'm talking to the guys. Even if you've worked hard on the six-pack, we don't want to see it all out there in your profile. Save it for when things progress.

Photos in your hat and/or sunglasses. If we can't see what you really look like, how do we know we want to date you? Instead of trying to be cool, fashionable, or hide the fact that your hair is starting to thin, be yourself. We will see the real you on dates anyway.

Old photos. We all are familiar with how disappointing it can be when someone doesn't look like the picture they posted. We don't want to see what you looked like 5 or 10 years ago. If you don't have any recent shots, then ask a friend to take some.

Photos of you drinking. Okay, it's great that you like to have fun, but if your photos consist of you in bars drinking, it's not a good way to introduce yourself to potential significant others. It screams "don't take me seriously", and you will attract those men and women looking only for a hook-up.

First dates can come with a lot of expectations. You want to be attracted to the person you're meeting, and you want to feel attractive. You want things to go smoothly, which puts more pressure on a tense situation because usually, first dates are awkward and uncomfortable.

So, what do you do to feel less nervous and more comfortable in your own skin? Here are some things to try:

Pick a place you are familiar with to meet. Maybe you're considering the new upscale restaurant in your neighborhood to impress your date, but refrain from doing this for a first date if you're nervous. Choose a place that you've been before where you feel comfortable, and preferably a casual place so you don't feel uptight and formal. When you are more relaxed, dates often go more smoothly.

Wear something that is comfortable, but makes you feel confident and sexy. Rather than going out and buying something new that looks trendy for your first date, wear something that you know makes you feel attractive. It's also best to go with what makes you comfortable---the last thing you want to be thinking about on a date is how your shoes or your shoulder straps are hurting you.

Don't feel the need to talk all the time. Women are especially guilty of this. If there is a pause in the conversation, don't try to cover it up by going on about your cat or the people in your office. Also, don't feel the need to constantly ask questions; nobody likes to feel interrogated. It's okay to sit back, relax, and make eye contact rather than small talk.

Don't go overboard on drinking. Sure, we all like to feel relaxed and alcohol does help in these situations, but know your body. Don't drink too fast or try to cover your nervousness by drinking too much. It will be obvious to your date if you're bordering on drunk, and usually a turn-off.

This isn't your job, so take a deep breath and relax. Your work day is hurried, but there is no reason to rush through a date like you're on a mission. A date isn't a job interview or an attempt to land a client---it is supposed to be informal and hopefully fun. Don't bring your business persona; leave that for your boss. Instead, think of your date as meeting a new friend. The potential for romance is there when you relax and be yourself.

July is here, and that means you need to find new ways to keep the romance heating-up while we keep it cool. You don't have to let the heat squelch your summer love. We've put together a fun list of four things you can do to keep it interesting with your sweetie and not melt into a puddle in the process. Who knows - you just might discover something in your neighborhood that you never knew existed and could add to your summertime fun!

Summer Date Idea #1: The Water Park

Grab those beach towels and your sweetie's hand. Spending a day at your local water park is just asking for waterlogged fun! If you're health-conscious, pack snacks as you'll probably want to pass on the hot dogs and nachos.

Summer Date Idea #2: Painting Ceramics

Oh, it's not just a "girl thing." See if there's a local paint-your-own-ceramics workshop in your area. Guys can do something cool like a set of sake cups and gals can flower-up anything their heart desires! You'll probably have to pick up your creations in a day or so since they have to be fired once you're done - a great reason to go on another date!

Summer Date Idea #3: Kooky Movies

Almost every major metro area has a throwback movie theatre. Check out your local listings and beat the heat with an evening viewing of classics like Rocky Horror or a John Hughes masterpiece. Oh - and the popcorn is mandatory!

Summer Date Idea #4: Get Fishy

No, you don't even need a boat. Grab your date and head to the aquarium in your area! Always cool (in more ways than just the temperature), you can rest-assured that your day will be filled with learning, fun and if you bring your camera, some great pics to share as well.

How much do you really know about the potential mates you're talking to via your favorite online dating sites? A large majority of the popular online dating sites don't perform background checks on their members, so you may be walking into the world of online dating with a false sense of security.

The San Francisco Gate just published an article about a convicted murderer who was discovered on popular dating site Match.com. Match doesn't screen its members for criminal backgrounds and the man's profile was deactivated one it was brought to the site's attention that he was misrepresenting himself.

Do we feel safe on online dating sites because we pay a fee to become a member? If we sit down and think about it, thirty dollars or more a month doesn't really entitle us to any sense of safety. It entitles us to access the site's features and benefits and meet new people! By keeping our wits about us, we can have a fun and safe online dating experience. While we can't be 100% sure that the person we're meeting will be our perfect match, we can do everything possible to ensure that we're going about our search as safely as possible.

For Women: Do Your Homework

For ladies who are interested in digging a bit deeper into the background of men they may be interested in dating, you may want to visit WomanSavers.com. A site dedicated to women's safety, they have tools to help you research a potential date.

For Men: Do YOUR Homework

There's nothing wrong with having a look at your date's details, either. For men and women alike, a simple Google search can tell you much of what you want to know. If you want to dig a bit deeper, such as verify marital status, you can always use a report from a site like Intelius.com. Granted, they do cost a fee, but if the information is there and you don't feel comfortable moving forward without it, it's yours.

Look for Warning Signs

If someone's profile is filled with everything they don't want or hate, chances are that person isn't going to be your ideal date! Don't just fire off a wink, flirt or email after looking at a profile picture. Take two minutes and read the details. You may be right on track or you may save yourself a headache you didn't want in the first place.

Don't Be Paranoid

You don't have to walk into every new dating situation as if the other person is inherently evil. There are just a few bad seeds out there that make it rough on the rest of us. Give yourself the time to get to know someone, try not to get caught up in the thrill of meeting someone you click with and let nature take its course. Meet in public places during normal hours, park close by and in well-lit areas (guys and girls alike) and don't disclose your home address until you're comfortable with your date.

Need Some Reassurance?

If you want an online dating site that goes the extra mile, you might want to look at True.com. They perform criminal background checks on all of their members. They've even sued members who have misrepresented their background in an attempt to access the site! I wouldn't doubt that more sites are headed this direction but for now, True is one of the only ones I know of offering this type of pre-screening.

The bottom line is this: keep your wits about you when doing the online dating scene. A picture and some words can easily be manipulated into whatever someone wants you to see. I want to believe that there are more good eggs than bad in the basket, so smile, play it safe and enjoy the journey to your future mate!