Tips

Online dating puts us in touch with hundreds of singles we wouldn't otherwise meet through our own network of friends and family. With all of the choice available, why does it seem so hard to meet the perfect guy or girl for us?

Too much choice can be as limiting as too little, depending on how you approach meeting people online. If you start the search process with specific lists of what you want in a partner and what you want to avoid, you could be hindering your own search and not even realize it. The key is to keep an open mind and open heart, and not let your past mistakes and experiences color your outlook.

Following are some tips for keeping your expectations in check, so you don't lose out on opportunity by being too picky:

• Refrain from listing what you DON'T want in a partner. Although it's tempting to say, "I don't want someone who attracts drama" or "I don't want someone who is too needy", what you're communicating to others is where past relationships have gone wrong, and that you still feel resentful. It's a turn-off to make a list in your profile of what you don't want in a partner.

• Don't make your list too specific. It's fine if you're looking for a girl or guy with similar interests, but don't get carried away and list every single quality you desire. Chances are, you're being a bit unrealistic in expecting one person to be the perfect blend of everything you want, and you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Online dating is about expanding your social circle and dating a variety of people. This is a good way to fine-tune what you really want, so don't filter out too many prospects in the beginning.

• What makes for a fun date doesn't necessarily make for a good partner. I have several girlfriends who envision meeting the perfect partner, say one who is handsome, charming, ambitious, successful, romantic, likes to dance, and likes to have fun. Although this is a good list for having a great date, these qualities aren't necessarily what to look for in the long term. Just because he is handsome and charming doesn't mean he's good partner material. Think about the values you want to share, like kindness and consideration, rather than only superficial qualities.

• Reconsider your "must-nots" or deal-breakers. If you won't date anyone who is older than you, who has been married before, or who makes less than you do for example, it's time to reconsider your filters. These are not relationship deal-breakers, so don't restrict your choices so thoroughly from the beginning. Perhaps the girl who is a few years older is perfect for you in every other way, or maybe the guy who's making less now is saving to start his own business.

Bottom line, keep an open mind and don't limit yourself to who you think you should be dating. And don't let your past get in the way of meeting a great future partner.

The Internet is a powerful tool for connecting people across the globe, but in the wrong hands the convenience and anonymity of the Web transform it into a haven for dishonest users looking to take advantage of others.

Before embarking on an online dating adventure, it's vital that you understand how to protect yourself. Abide by the following 5 rules to stay safe in cyberspace and have a drama-free dating life:

1) Open an email account that is used specifically for online dating communication and nothing else. You might be surprised by how much personal information can be gathered about you from your email address. Your full name might appear in the address itself, or in the "From" field when an email is received. A work address tells the recipient where you are employed, and a digital signature that is automatically included at the end of every message could divulge more information than you are comfortable revealing.

2) Don't rely on the site to protect you. Many dating sites claim that all members must undergo mandatory background checks and tests to confirm that they are, in fact, single. Services like these might sound safer than their counterparts, but the reality is that laws differ from state-to-state when it comes to background checks, rendering them practically ineffective in some locations. Never let your guard down because you think deceitful people are prevented from joining a dating site.

3) Don't share personal information too soon. Create a username that doesn't reveal too many details about who you are, and keep identifying information out of your profile and messages. Don't be in a hurry to share things like your full name, workplace, phone number, and address.

4) Watch for warning signs. It's best to steer clear of people who:

a. Refuse to speak with you on the phone.

b. Offer inconsistent information about details like their marital status, career, employment, and education.

c. Avoid giving direct answers to questions.

d. Pressure you to meet them in person more quickly than you are comfortable with.

5) Always be aware of your safety when taking your relationship offline. Do not accept an offer to be picked up at your home or place of work. Let a friend know where you are going and who you are going with. Meet your date in a public place you are familiar with and can easily leave if you need to. If you have to travel a long distance to meet your date, do not stay with him or her. Book a hotel and do not mention its name.

Above all, trust your gut instincts. Take things at your own pace and never allow someone to talk you into doing something you don't want to do. Always act in ways that feel right to you, even when you think you're being paranoid. It's tempting to succumb to the feelings of instant connection online dating provides, but proceed with caution in all situations and only move forward with a relationship when you feel completely safe.

If you’re a workaholic, you know how valuable your time is and exactly how to use it. It’s probably why you turned to online dating in the first place -- to save time from bad dates by utilizing the high defined searches and developing a finely tuned method of weeding out the duds. But once you’ve found someone you’re interested in, how do you work in dating around your busy schedule? Here are some tips for the inexperienced:

1.) The first step is always to accept that you’re a workaholic. Once you realize that your busy schedule doesn’t naturally leave time for dating, you will be better able to recognize this fact and then prioritize around it. Make sure you give yourself the free time you need -- while there’s nothing wrong with being driven, if it is negatively affecting your life, it’s time to schedule some time off and have fun.

2.) Schedule easy dates close to your office -- at a local coffee shop or deli, for instance. The less out of your way you have to travel to meet, the more likely you’ll be able to keep the date.

3.) Turn off your phone while you’re out! If you’re texting and emailing on your phone through the entire date, it doesn’t count as a date anymore; you’re still working. While you’re out, it is important to be responsive to your partner and put everything else on pause for a moment. While it may be difficult, it is extremely rude and disrespectful to be on your phone while out.

4.) Tell your date you’re a workaholic. If they know you have a really hectic schedule, it will accomplish two important things: 1.) understand that your behavior is not a personal slight against them, but a product of your job and 2.) help them decide whether or not they would like to continue dating a workaholic. Full disclosure is a must when dating and if you’re frank with your partner about your shortcomings, they will respect your honesty.

5.) Try to understand the situation from your date’s perspective. Although it’s easy to get caught up in your own life, priorities, and work, remember that everyone has a busy schedule and that your date’s time is just as valuable as yours. If you need to cancel, do so ahead of time so they don’t stand around waiting for you. Expressing empathy and consideration for your date will help you understand their feelings and, in turn, fulfill their needs as well as your own in the process.

Online dating is all about saving time and weeding out the duds as quickly as possible. By looking a person’s profile, pictures, and messages, there are a few key warning signs that can indicate deal-breakers or duds. Here are a few examples:

1.) He/she presses too hard for personal information. Even if the person with whom you’re speaking isn’t a scam in disguise, pressing too aggressively can indicate that there might be problems in the future if he/she doesn’t properly respect your space.

2.) He/she becomes insecure if you don’t respond fast enough. I’ve had a few experiences with this: the person with whom I’m writing becomes upset if I don’t respond immediately to the email, even if it has only been a few hours. Although I do tend to be fairly prompt when returning messages, I can’t always respond immediately. On occasion, I’ve had a potential match become extremely upset and take it as a form of rejection. The insecurity expressed over the matter essentially killed any interest I might have had and I ended it immediately. If someone is already insecure over a fairly irrelevant matter such as this, it may indicate that they have deeper issues, aren’t ready to date, are clingy, or will drain you of energy with their insecurities.

3.) He/she is inconsistent about the information he/she provides. If someone is constantly changing their story, there might be something deeper and darker going on -- something probably not worth your time. Stay away from this one.

4.) You already know that he/she has some of your deal-breakers. You are your own best judge. If the person in question has some qualities or behaviors that you’ve already deemed unacceptable, don’t waste your time. You’re not going to come around the problem and he/she is not going to change. Better to move on while you’re still uninvolved!

5.) He/she pushes you to meet before you’re ready or wants to meet in a way that makes you uncomfortable. You should always be safe and within your element. If someone is pushing you to meet before you’re ready, it could signal that they’re after something other than what they say.

6.) He/she comes on way too strong! It’s okay to be excited about meeting someone new, but if the person starts to express interest in a way that is clearly too intense given the status of the new relationship, it’s time to bail. This type of person can often become quickly attached and dependent on you long before you’re ready to make any kind of commitment.

Online dating is all about presentation and those initial missives to a potential match. Attention spans can vary, especially without the added stimulus of a physical presence. Your online content needs to be quick to the point, saucy, and insatiable. Furthermore, once you’ve hooked the catch, your online correspondence needs to maintain his or her attention. Here are some tips on how to flirt with someone you’ve never met!

Express interest in his or her life by commenting on likes and interests and asking questions about their lives. The age-old saying is true: interested is interesting. By asking a person to open him or herself to you, you immediately engage their attention because they’re talking about something they’re already interested in.

Give compliments -- but don’t overdo it. Although almost everyone loves a little flattery, overdoing it could make a person uncomfortable or suspicious of your motivations. For instance: I once went out on a first date and my companion spent nearly the entire time complimenting me. While I don’t doubt that his comments were genuine, I felt that he was trying to manipulate me into being charmed by him through the flattery, which was a huge turn off. Where one or two compliments would have been sufficient, he overdid it, lost my attention, and didn’t tell me anything about himself in the process.

Instead, flatter by commenting on things that they’ve already expressed interest in. If they’re really into tennis, you could easily use that information to your advantage by commenting something to the effect of “I bet you look great on the tennis court,” or “I’d love to watch/play with you sometime.” By choosing to compliment and remark on something they’ve already expressed interest in, it will not only be meaningful to them, but also express that you’ve been paying attention and present a possible first date activity!

The biggest tip to take away, truly, is to take an active interest in the person with whom you’re messaging. Step outside yourself and consider how you would want someone to flirt with you; chances are, other people are eager for the same type of attention.

And lastly, charm your romantic interest by being yourself! Your individuality will speak the loudest to any potential match. Your unique qualities are bound to pique the interest of potential matches.

You joined a dating website, searched through dozens of profiles, and sent out numerous emails to make contact with women or men who interest you. The problem is, people aren't responding. You may be wondering what's going on. If they aren't even going to respond to an email, why are they bothering to join a dating website?

There are several things that could be happening, so take heart and don't get frustrated:

• It's possible that the people you are reaching out to are no longer subscribers or active on the site. Many sites don't purge their profile database on a regular basis, including the larger sites, because it's more enticing for daters to have more rather than less people to choose from.

• Some people send mass emails (men are especially guilty of this), and so this makes it harder for women to go through several emails to find yours. It's better to send personalized emails, mentioning something specific about her profile.

• Some women and men get dozens of emails every day. If they aren't logging in to read these on a regular basis, they might not have time to sift through all of them. (Many people get busy with work and let their online dating searches slide.) Again, personalizing is best to capture attention. Make sure your subject line mentions something specific from their profile.

• Make sure your grammar and spelling are accurate. Though we live in an age of text messages, people still prefer their emails to read like letters. Use complete sentences and spell words correctly and fully. Don't abbreviate or use acronyms if you can help it.

• Don't send emails that consist of one sentence, like "Hey, what's up?". If you want someone to respond, you have to engage them. Again, personalizing is key. If you discover from his profile that he likes windsurfing, mention your experience with it or ask a question about it. The more you make your email engaging to the specific person you send it to, the better your results.