Safety

2013 didn't start out well for Cupid plc, the top-5 global online dating company that's responsible for a network of dating sites including Cupid.com. Cupid came under fire for allegedly using fake profiles to boost its membership, after the BBC claimed that members of Cupid's online dating services suspected fake "flirtatious" messages were being used to encourage free users to sign up for paid subscriptions.

Cupid plc denied using fakes and said it was cleared of the allegations by auditors. According to Cupid, the auditors found "no evidence of a company organised practice of staff enticing registered members to subscribe through the use of fake profiles."

The experiences of members and undercover investigators suggest otherwise, and users are still (rightfully) suspicious, but some good news has finally come out of the Cupid camp.

Cupid recently launched 'safe mode' functionality for its network of dating sites. The update still allows users to choose who they want to interact with, but provides the added security of being able to filter out members who choose not to verify themselves on the site. With 'safe mode' on, you can contact any user but will only receive communications from members who have undergone the verification process. Unverified users are welcome to continue using the site, but are encouraged to become "Trusted Members" to unlock access to people already using 'safe mode.'

For some reason, at this point, 'safe mode' is only available for male users and only female members are asked to become verified. Cupid hopes that the new technology will create a "smoother" and "more positive" online experience for its users and...well...I certainly can't blame them for hoping. Cupid needs any boost it can get at this point.

"We have listened to our customers and to dating website users in general," says Sean Wood, Communications Director at Cupid plc. "The main goal here is to give our customers choice to decide who they communicate with. This means they can choose verified users only or indeed if they feel comfortable with communicating more widely, then they have that ability too. Our members can use the sites secure in the knowledge that they are in a safe environment where they can get on with enjoying the experience, making contacts and meeting up."

Right. So...Cupid customers are safe from each other, but the real question is: are they safe from Cupid itself?

You think you may have finally found the one: that one special online dating profile that will take you off the market for good. You've been talking for a couple of weeks, falling for each other's taste in music and mutual love of LOLcats, and now it's finally time to meet in person.

As the big day arrives, you find yourself flooded with emotions. You're happy. You're nervous. But most of all you're excited to finally say hello to the wonderful person behind the computer screen.

Until they make an excuse and cancel. Or they don't show at all. Or they show, but they look nothing like they did in their pictures.

Most people on online dating sites are genuine, but let's face it: some are not, and the Catfish phenomenon is sending online dating right back to the dark ages when everyone was afraid to do it. Dating sites are doing their best to weed out the fake profiles and the scammers, but the margin for error is high. There has never been a good way to determine whether you're wasting your time online...until now?

Enter 'Lots of Fakes,' a new website and app that claims to take the guesswork out of online dating. Lots of Fakes allows members of all the major online dating sites to create reviews of other users they've had experience with.

"The goal is to bring a certain level of accountability to online dating," says Daniel M. of FlashInsight, Inc., the company responsible for Lots of Fakes. "It's a very simple tool that can help people navigate the treacherous waters of meeting people online. For example, if you spent a week talking to someone only to find out they are married, or posted inaccurate photos, why not share that information and save someone else a week of their time?"

Why not indeed?

Using the tool is incredibly simple (and it's all for free!). Anyone interested in getting the dirt on a date can search reviews by username and website. Those who want to leave a review enter the username and website, mark the date as either REAL or FAKE, and leave a comment to describe their experiences. Reviews can be searched and created online at LotsofFakes.com, or on the go using the Android and iOS apps.

The database is entirely user-generated, meaning that it started out empty and will build organically over time as more and more people participate.

Do you think date reviews are the next big thing? Would you consult a review before going out with someone new? Would you leave one?

As if we don't hear enough about the perils of online dating already, this is the latest news about the potential dangers of looking for love online: your online dating site doesn't have to tell you that your date might be a murderer.

Eric Goldman, a Forbes contributor who also teaches Internet Law at Santa Clara University in California, cautions daters in a recent article on Forbes.com. He begins with the story of Mary Kay Beckman, who met a man named Wade Mitchell Ridley on Match.com in 2011. After dating briefly, Beckman broke it off.

Three months later, Ridley attacked Beckman in her home, repeatedly stabbing and kicking her. Later, it was revealed that Ridley already faced a murder charge in Arizona, where he was suspected of killing an ex-girlfriend with a butcher knife. Authorities also believe he robbed a pharmacy of painkillers earlier in the day. He was sentenced to 28-70 years in prison, where he died in May 2012.

Beckman survived the attack, and believes Match.com should take responsibility for the tragedy. She sued the dating site, but her suit was eventually dismissed.

Goldman thinks the outlook is bleak for suits like Beckman's. "Lawsuits against online dating sites tend to generate widespread press coverage going into detail about the victimization," he writes, "as stories like Beckman's prey on common fears about online dating." But although they generate outpourings of sympathy, they have historically been completely ineffective.

Beckman's suit was doomed from the start, says Goldman, because of a law that says websites aren't liable for user content. Plaintiffs have argued that they aren't suing dating sites over posts, but rather for failing to provide protection from dangerous users, but to date they've had zero success.

A similar case ruled that "all of Match.com's conduct must trace back to the publication of third-party user content or profiles. Match.com is a website that publishes dating profiles. There is nothing for Match.com to negligently misrepresent or negligently fail to warn about other than what a user of the website may find on another user's profile on the website."

Plaintiffs will no doubt continue their attempts to hold dating sites accountable for the actions of their members, and get increasingly creative in doing so, but Goldman believes their efforts are unlikely to be fruitful. "I've never seen a successful 'failure to warn' argument make any progress in working around" the law, he notes.

The best hope is that the websites will care enough about their reputation to voluntarily take measures to protect their members from harm.

A friend confessed to me, “I like the idea of online dating, but I’m afraid to try it. You see so many stories about bad people taking advantage. I feel like using an online dating site is the equivalent of walking down a dark alley.”

In fact, online dating is not like walking down a dark alley at all; that would imply that my friend was the only innocent fish in a pool of sharks. However, the online dating world is probably similar to walking down a busy city street in the middle of the day: there are all kinds, including some less-than-upstanding citizens. And with a little research and precaution, you can learn to spot and avoid entanglements with them - if, in fact, you ever encounter them at all.

People tend to worry about two types of danger: the scammers and the physical danger. In both cases, chances are you already have experience dealing with both dangers, whether you realize it or not. First, the scammers - the fake profiles that are out to manipulate you, probably for your money. If you have an email account, chances are you’ve encountered a spam email or several - sob stories, questionable English, and a request for money or account information.

Even if an online dating scammer operates more smoothly than those cut and paste emails, there are still similar elements: stories that seem too good to be true, red flags in language, requests for personal information, convoluted stories about why you can’t meet yet. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t be afraid to trust your intuition - ask a third party for their opinion, or back out altogether.

The worry of physical danger is more scary for most, but there are definitely precautions you can take - meet in a public location, have a friend stationed nearby if you’re feeling particularly nervous, take your own transportation. However, again, you’ve been meeting strangers your entire life; you’ve already developed gut instincts that will sound the alarm if someone feels sketchy. It doesn’t matter whether you meet someone at work, via online dating, at a bar, or at a grocery store; you possess the same logic and instincts.

So once again, don’t be afraid to bail if you don’t feel right; far better to wait for someone with whom you feel comfortable. The truth is, online dating is no more or less safe than the rest of the world, provided you use common sense and listen to your gut. So why let fear stop you from exploring the possibilities?

After a way too long dry stint of no dates and even less prospects it can be all too thrilling to finally score a first date with someone. It doesn't matter if it's with a work crush, blind date, or someone you met through an online dating service, you're exciting that this date could be the first of many. Not to be a wet blanket, but this sense of elation and nerves can often push aside some basic safety precautions that you should take before going on a first date with anyone you don't know well.

Perform a Background Check This might sound like overkill to a lot of you, but a simple background check can pull up a lot of red flags that may have you rethinking a date with someone. Background checks can show you information like marriage licenses (How many exes are too many? What if they're currently married?), not to mention any legal altercations. While every girl likes a bad boy, everybody has a line. Is cancelling a date based off of what you find on a background check fair? Maybe, maybe not. But at the least it will give you things to watch out for and will let you know if they're being honest with you.

Go to a Public Place Never, ever, ever-ever-ever-ever-ever meet for a first date with someone at their private residence or somewhere that's very removed. Meet at a neutral location where plenty of people are sure to be like a restaurant, bar, coffee house, sporting event, or something else along those lines. Along the same lines, don't get in a private vehicle with your date either - even if it's yours.

Let Someone Know Whenever I go on an extended walk or hike I am sure to let someone know where I'm going and what time I'm expecting to be back, and first dates aren't much different. This is doubly true if you've never met your date in person. Let a friend know what you're doing, where you're going, and when you expect to be back. Check in with them afterwards to let them know how the date went and that you're okay.

Have an Out First dates are always iffy and you don't want to be stuck there all night if it turns out to be a big disappointment, for either of you. That being said, it's best to schedule something that won't take too long. But even with short dates, be prepared to excuse yourself from the date. While you don't need an excuse (if you're uncomfortable, just leave!), it can be less awkward for both of you if you have a believable out. I don't mean fake a call from the hospital about your aunt you just got in a car accident.

First dates are fun and exciting, but they can potentially be dangerous if you're meeting up with someone you've only ever interacted with online, or not at all. Take some basic precautions before the date to insure your safety. That way you can relax for real when everything goes smoothly.

Kristen Bright is a blogger living in San Diego who tries to promote safe online interactions by using background checks on people before moving forward.

Online dating: it's great, except when it isn't.

The latest cautionary tale involves Skout, a social networking app designed to link up adults with other users nearby. Skout got its start as a Foursquare-like location check-in service, but didn't hit its stride until it transformed into a location-based flirting app. The company now attracts millions of new users a month and received $22 million in financing from Andreessen Horowitz, a leading venture capital firm in Silicon Valley, earlier this year.

After discovering that minors had gained access to the app, Skout created a service designed specifically for 13- to 17-year olds. Safeguards were put in place, but they may not have been safe enough.

3 men have now been accused of raping children they met through the location-based app. In each case, the men reportedly posed as teenagers in the Skout forum for underage users. In one case, a 15-year-old girl from Ohio said she was raped by a 37-year-old man. In the second, a 24-year-old man is accused of raping a 12-year-old girl in California. In the final case, a 21-year-old man in Wisconsin has been accused of sexually assaulting a 13-year-old boy.

Skout's founder, Christian Wiklund, responded in an interview, saying, "I'm disgusted by what's happened here. One case is too many. When you have three, it looks like a pattern. This is my worst fear." He has decided to suspend the service for minors, who made up a significant portion of Skout's member base, while he works with security experts to put better safeguards in place.

"We're seeing more of these cases," said Lt. Craig Carter of the Escondido Police Department in California. "Parents need to be aware that their kids could be on these Web sites." Many social networking services forbid minors from using them, or separate minors from adult users, but it's nearly impossible to control who ultimately uses the service.

Wiklund has contact law enforcement officials involved in all 3 cases and offered to aid in their investigations. The company has also suspended the app for teenagers and banned all devices registered with the app that belong to minors. Skout is also working with a task force of experts to improve security, age verification, and other company practices.

"I thought we were doing a lot, but obviously we have to do better," says Scott Weiss, an investment partner with Andreessen Horowitz. "This is a five-alarm fire. The entire company is re-evaluating everything it's doing."