Safety

Christian Mingle, a popular niche dating sites for religiously inclined singles, learned that one of its members was swindled out of a substantial amount of money from another user of the site.

A 66 year-old divorcee from Santa Fe revealed that she had been emailing with a man through the site who wooed her with flowers, text messages and phone calls. Pretending to be a U.K. citizen named David Holmes who was working on a Scottish oil rig, authorities discovered the suitor was actually Nigerian. According to authorities involved with the case, he did not seem to have a noticeable Nigerian accent.

The Santa Fe woman wired money to Holmes in increments at first totaling $300,000. She contacted authorities after she sent her last check for $200,000 to a Turkish bank account. A hold was placed on the check, and soon after a man named Wisdom Onokpite turned up to withdraw the funds. He was arrested, and authorities assumed they had caught the scammer, but it turned out he was only an associate sent to collect the money. The suspect calling himself David Holmes is still at large.

The woman claimed she had given more than half a million dollars to Holmes to invest in a fictitious oil rig. Authorities confirm they were able to get some of the money back, but not all of it.

Deputy District Attorney Cherie Bourland warned that people need to be more careful on international online dating sites, especially older daters who seem to be the target of a majority of fraud cases.

"You get the love drug in you and you end up getting duped," Bourland said.

As for daters on Christian Mingle and other online dating sites, it's good to use caution and common sense when interacting with strangers. Following are some tips to avoid being catfished yourself:

Don't share personal information. Don't give out your last name, home or work address, or any other personal information to someone on an online dating site. Remember that you don't know each other, and the person behind the profile could be lying.

Don't share financial information. This is especially important, because typically online daters who become victims of fraud do this after they have had some communication and built up a sense of trust. But if an online dater asks you for money, remember: always say no, even if your suitor is wooing you with phone calls, flowers, or messages of love. If you haven't met in person, be especially careful of declarations of love.

Meet in a public place. Never meet an online date at your home, always meet in a public place. You don't know this person or his intentions, so don't take unnecessary risks. Also, let a friend know where you are. Be safe and have fun!

A recent survey from Harris Interactive of 5,517 UK citizens found that one in 12 (8%) users of social media sites have been the victims of online abuse in some form or another. That part of the story won't surprise anyone who's spent even a marginal amount of time on the Internet. We've seen time and time again that when you put people behind a screen name, the anonymity creates a sense of invincibility and depersonalization that makes it easier to bully others.

The part of the story may be a surprise to some is the response we are taking to online abuse. Only a third (35%) of participants in the study said they reported their abuse to the social media platform on which it took place. Half said they would have reported it, if only they knew how. Another 12% said they chose to respond to the problem by turning the situation around and bullying their abusers.

"It's interesting to note the high percentage of people who say they would have reported the abuse had they known how to, or if the process was simpler," Lee Langford, research director for telecoms, media, technology and entertainment at Harris Interactive, said. "More steps need to be taken by networking sites, such as Facebook, Twitter and Ask.fm, to increase the effectiveness of reporting tools to prevent trolling."

Another survey, conducted by campaign group Bullies Out, found that 50% of their response pool had been victims of cyber bullies, some of whom were as young as seven years old. The CEO of BeatBullying, Emma-Jane Cross, believes both the problem and the solution lie with the social networking sites themselves. "Social networking sites need to take their users' safety seriously," she said, "which includes making reporting procedures much clearer and ensuring a swift response when abuse is recorded."

The difficulty in reporting abuse on websites is that it isn't just used for reporting abuse. Even the system for reporting abuse is abused. In many cases, a disgruntled user files an unwarranted abuse report simply to get another user in trouble and exact revenge. There is no system in place to distinguish malicious abuse reports from real abuse reports, meaning that many are never taken seriously.

So what can you do? We can't eradicate abuse from the Internet completely, but there are a few steps that can be taken to decrease the likelihood of bullying:

• Only post things you want the public to know. Once something is online, it is no longer under your control.
• Guard your personal information closely, and ask your friends to do the same. Request that they not post personal info, negative comments, check-ins, or any other information that you're not comfortable sharing.
• Don't say or do anything online you wouldn't in person. It may seem easier to express yourself when you are not face-to-face, but don't forget that online communication has real-life consequences.
• Always report inappropriate behavior, harassing messages, and abusive comments to the site administrators. Even a small amount of action is better than no action.

Somewhere in the back of our heads, rattling around with all the other information we ignore like "You really shouldn't drink that last shot of tequila," we know that having an online account means accepting the risk that that account might be hacked. But no matter how many times we hear horror stories of it happening to someone else, we never quite believe it could happen to us.

Imagine the surprise, then, that Cupid Media users must have felt when the service was hacked early in 2013 and the names, e-mail addresses, and plaintext passwords for 42 million accounts were exposed. Ouch. That has gotta sting.

Ars Technica reports that "The cache of personal information was found on the same servers that housed tens of millions of records stolen in separate hacks on sites including Adobe, PR Newswire, and the National White Collar Crime Center." An official from Cupid Media explained that the hack appeared to be connected to "suspicious activity" that was detected on the site in January and officials say they believe they have notified all affected users, but those actions and explanations are likely to do little to appease users whose personal information has been compromised.

The Cupid Media hack will go down in history as one of the largest passcode breaches on record so far, a dubious distinction made even worse by the fact that the data was in plaintext, rather than a cryptographically protected format that requires significant effort to crack. Because many Internet users reuse the same passwords on multiple websites, a hack on this scale can give thieves instant access to tens of thousands of sensitive accounts tied to a user's e-mail address.

"Making matters worse," Ars Technica speculates, "many of the Cupid Media users are precisely the kinds of people who might be receptive to content frequently advertised in spam messages, including male enhancement products, services for singles, and diet pills."

And making matters even worse than that, a review of the Cupid Media user records that were exposed reveals that a significant portion of them were protected with weak passwords in the first place. More than 1.9 million accounts were protected with the password "123456." Another 1.2 million used "111111." How is it that, in this day and age, there are still people who think those are secure passwords? Have they never seen the Internet before?

Take note, online daters: the more random your password is, the safer it is. And please, please, never use the same password on multiple sites.

In online dating, the user name you choose is essentially your name. It’s one of the first things a potential match will see, and it’s how they’ll remember you, think of you. It’s all part of the first impression package - so let’s make sure you’re sending all the signals you intend to, and none that you don’t.

First, it’s good to have a user name that is somewhat memorable - to others as well as yourself. Sure, your first name and the year you were born might seem simple and fitting to someone who knows you, but here you’re telling potential matches that all you have to say about yourself is the year you were born (which might be a touchy subject to begin with). Similarly, you might want to avoid any names that paint you as lovelorn, like “waiting for Cupid” or “holding out for a pince/princess.” For one thing, it’s something of a cliche; for another, it’s redundant. After all, everyone is waiting for Cupid - how would that make you memorable?

Instead, think about your interests, or something that’s easily identifiable. For instance, if you have curly hair, you could use a play on that, or combine it with an interest. You could also just pick words that are interesting, memorable, and sound good together. If a potential match somehow loses your profile and wants to find you again, they’ll have a much easier time with a more unique name than wading through variations of names and numbers.

At the same time, you want to make sure your name doesn’t reveal anything you don’t want it to. Don’t use a name you tend to use elsewhere; you might have mentioned details about where you live, or work, and that’s not ideal when it comes to safety. You might have mentioned past relationships, or other personal details, and that’s not ideal when it comes to privacy and embarrassment. Either way, it’s best that your dating name is kept separate.

Finally, don’t forget to make use of a search engine and make sure your name isn’t taken by anyone or anything you wouldn’t want to be associated with. In this day and age, it’s hard to be completely unique, but if your user name is clearly held by, say, a company or a famous figure or someone spewing hate all over the internet, it’s worth tweaking it.

Choosing a user name doesn’t have to be stressful, but it shouldn’t be an afterthought, either. With just a few simple tips, you can come up with a name that’s more personalized and memorable - just another way to stand out from the crowd.

On the internet, we tend to be skeptical of anything that looks too good to be true - because, quite frequently, it is. Thus, when you encounter a profile that seems to hit all the right notes with you, it’s not a bad idea to copy and paste a bit into an internet search; is this really a great writer or a one-size-fits-all winner?

Don’t be shocked if your search returns more than one hit; after all, many people sign up for multiple sites, and it stands to reason that they’d crib from their own work for at least some of it. However, if the name, location, and general stats are all drastically different, but the profile itself is identical, it might be time to ask some difficult questions.

That being said, every plagiarized work has to come from somewhere, right? It may not be incredibly likely that you’ve stumbled upon the original author, but the chance does exist. If you’re willing to give your potential match a chance regardless of their questionable profile ethics, tread carefully and critically - do your email interactions sound like the same “voice”? Does this person display any other red flags you might otherwise normally ignore? You can also try the direct approach: ask them point-blank, “Are you aware this profile is used elsewhere on the internet in x different locations?”

If your profile has been sitting unchanged for some time, there’s also a chance you’ve unwittingly been copied elsewhere. Try doing a search for your own profile; you might be surprised at what comes up! The chance of being mistaken for a plagiarizer, or worse, a scammer, is yet another reason to update your profile regularly. And eluding a search engine shouldn’t be your only focus; your profile may have been great when you first wrote it years ago, but does it accurately reflect who you are today? Remember, you want someone to be interested in you as you are now, not a previous version.

An internet search engine seems like an unlikely companion in online dating, but it can be a great ally. Not only can it be an aid in assessing your own gut instincts, it can prevent you from some embarrassment of your own.

In fact, it's so easy that I'm not sure it can be called hacking. It doesn't even have to be done intentionally - just one little oblivious click, and suddenly someone else is logged in under your username.

It works like this: when OkCupid sends you an email, any links included inside the email contain a unique identifier called a token. When you click the link, you are automatically logged into your OKCupid account without having to enter your password. The point is to make it as easy as possible to get into your account, but it also makes it worringly easy for someone else to do the same thing.

A writer at The Verge discovered the security hole after receiving a forwarded OkCupid email from a friend. After reading the funny message her friend had received from a prospective suitor, she clicked on the message to see the suitor in question.

"Suddenly," she writes, "I was in my friend's account, staring at all her read and unread messages. I could see her instant messages. I could edit her profile. Just because I had clicked on an email sent to her, OKCupid thought I was her."

Although your friends probably won't do anything unscrupulous if they land in that situation (you hope!), it might not be your friends who unexpectedly find themselves logged into your account. In another case, a woman blogged about an OKCupid user and included a link to his profile that she copied from her email. Unbeknownst to her, any reader who clicked on it would then be instantly logged in as her.

There may be a little karma involved here - because it doesn't seem very nice to publically blog about a user and include a link to their profile - but no one wants to give every stranger on the Internet access to their online dating profile. The token does expire eventually, but no one has yet determined how long it remains active.

Naturally, the OkCupid forums have exploded over this. In one discussion thread, a user writes "This totally defeats the purpose of having a password for the site. If anybody happens to be able to read my email, they are then able to see my full OkCupid account. Hello, what kind of account security is this?"

The thread has been active since 2009, so as incensed as OkCupid users may be, the site doesn't appear to be in a hurry to address the issue. Although "Login Instantly" is not a new feature, it is perhaps not the wisest choice for a social network, dating site, or other online destination that contains such personal information.

Think twice next time you're tempted to make fun of a fellow online dater by forwarding their hilarious message on to your friends. Stick to screencaps or - here's a really radical idea - just be nice and don't do it in the first place.