Safety

Finding love on OkCupid: good. Getting scammed out of thousands of dollars on OkCupid: not so much.

Unfortunately for Michael Picciano, he falls into the latter category. Picciano is now suing OkCupid and its parent company, IAC, for failing to conduct “even minimal screening of its subscribers and therefore deceptively creating the impression that their dating service was safe . . . when in fact . . . [it] was a trap for the unwary,” he says in his Manhattan civil suit.

It all began back in February 2013, when he received a message from “genuineguy62.” (Is it just me or is that, like, the least trustworthy name ever?) After 10 days of chatting on the site, Picciano continued the conversation with the man, who called himself Bruce Thompson, via personal e-mails. A month following that, Thompson made his first telephone call to Picciano. And by the end of March, the two had canceled their OkCupid subscriptions because “they had found each other.”

Shortly afterwards, Thompson asked Picciano to wire him money to cover “unexpected fees ”incurred while setting up a new computer parts business. Picciano says he made four wire transfers in steadily increasing amounts to addresses in Texas, Ontario and England. In total, the payments added up to $70,460.

Four weeks following his first payment, Picciano involved the police. A friend of his had found Thompson's photo and information on a site called MaleScammers.com and warned Picciano. Picciano handed over a $100,000 forged check given to him by Thompson to the police, but they were unable to find the con man’s fingerprints.

Picciano is faulting OkCupid for failing to "exercise reasonable care" in communicating "the dangers associated with online matchmaking." There is, however, a page on the site called "Safety Tips" that explicitly warns members against wiring money to other users – or anyone they meet online – because the sender “has no protections against loss.”

In addition to going after OkCupid, Picciano is also suing Capital One for "failure to comply with proper procedures for the transmission of wire funds transfers." The lawsuit allages that none of the wire transfers contained the address of the recipient "as required by law."

According to the court papers, Picciano believes Thompson is back on OkCupid, trolling for new victims under the screen name "bigheartedbt.” While this hasn’t been confirmed, OkCupid users should take note – better safe than sorry.

There are plenty of niche dating sites available for the picky dater – whether you’re into men or women with the same political preferences, vegetarian eating habits, or love of horses, there’s a site for you.

But what about the touchy subject of STDs? Although our society is more open to talking about sex, many people are still freaked out by the mention of contracting an STD. It’s not sexy – in fact, it’s enough to kill the romance on any date. So what’s the best way to approach dating when you have an STD?

According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control) even though one out of every six people aged 14 to 49 years have genital herpes, there is still a stigma about it when it comes to dating. According to research from the University of Michigan, giving someone an easily cured STD is considered to be worse than giving that person a fatal flu.

Which is why a number of online dating sites have been created to serve this growing market of singles who test positive for anything from Herpes to HIV. Instead of making STDs a stigma, these sites are helping people move past the inevitable and uncomfortable conversations with their dates to be able to focus on getting to know each other. In other words, STD dating sites help members date like everyone else.

Some STD-focused dating sites include PositivesDating.com, STDMatch.net, and PositiveSingles.com among others. (You can match by the type of STD on most of these sites.) Many offer systems of support to members, too – including counseling, support groups, and STD treatment locations. They are providing a much-needed service for those who feel intimidated or embarrassed by their disease.

But there’s a catch: even if you and your date share the same STD, you might not share the same strain. There are more than 100 types of HPV for example. Because an STD can weaken your body’s immune system, it makes it easier to pick up other ones, too. So you might be accumulating and worsening the problem by having sex with a date who shares the same STD.

Ultimately, whether you use an STD dating site to meet people or not, you should still exercise the same precautions as you would with anyone else. Don’t look at joining an STD site as a sexual free-for-all. Use protection like you would with anyone else you date, whether or not you have an STD. And don’t hesitate to get tested.

For more on a dating site for members with STDs you can read our Positive Singles review.

There's a lot to learn from reading about online dating (trust me, I know!), but there are also plenty of lessons that can't be learned off a page or computer screen.

It's like the first time you ever got sick from drinking too much. You knew that's what would happen, but somehow it didn't quite seem real until your head was in the toilet. And the hangover…oh, the hangover…

The good news is, online dating is a lot less scary than you think it is. But the bad news is that there are some things you'll have to learn the hard way:

1. Trust your gut. If you think something is off, it probably is. Your adventures in online dating will include meeting some strange people and getting even stranger messages, and though most everyone is kind and respectful, the bad apples are out there. Put your safety first and don't do anything if you don't feel 100% comfortable.
2. Rules can be restrictive. Knowing what you want is a good thing. Having deal breakers is a good thing. Setting ground rules is a good thing. But nothing is right all the time, and if you're not willing to occasionally bend your rules or change your expectations, you run the risk of missing out on someone awesome.
3. It's a rude world out there. Offline, it's pretty rare that someone leaves you hanging. Online, it happens all the time. You'll be exchanging e-mails back and forth with someone you’re into and then, all of a sudden, they’ll completely disappear. It feels a little disappointing at first, but the sting wears off.
4. Get straight to the point. As the formerly-shy type, I understand what a challenge it can be to be direct. Fortunately, online dating is the perfect opportunity to practice being assertive. Being direct is the only way to guarantee that uncomfortable situations come to an end. Date isn't going well? End it early and don't feel bad about it. Don't waste your time or anyone else's.
5. That goes for going on dates, too. It's tempting to exchange endless messages with someone new in the name of safety, but don't do it. Yes, you should be safe, but don't fall into the trap of becoming penpals. Meeting in person is the most efficient way of gathering information about someone. There's only so much you can learn about a prospective date by reading, and virtual chemistry doesn't guarantee real-life chemistry.

Bonus lesson learned the hard way: Don’t take your dates to your favorite spots. If the date goes south, you don’t want to run into them later at one of your regular haunts (especially if one of you is on another date!).

Bad news for Tinder fans: all those creepy people you've been avoiding on the app may now know exactly where you are.

It turns out the dating app suffered from a bug for most of last year that would've allowed hackers to determine the exact location of its users. And Tinder chose to cover it up until just a few weeks ago. The information security firm Include Security exposed the security vulnerability in mid-February, saying that anyone with the right kind of knowledge could "get the exact latitude and longitude coordinates for any Tinder user" provided that the app was running.

Hello, major privacy violation!

The company confirmed that "anyone with rudimentary programming skills could query the Tinder API directly and pull down the coordinates of any user." From that API data, it is then possible to triangulate the exact location of the user with a very high degree of accuracy. We're talking within 100 feet. And remember that part where they said "rudimentary programming skills?" So not only can creeps get incredibly close to you, they don't even have to be smart creeps in order to do it.

So much for the fun of all that mindless swiping.

It’s a bad bug, for sure, but before you go cursing the day Tinder hit the app-mosphere, Include Security also noted in an FAQ on its disclosure blog post that these flaws can be "common place in the mobile app space" and will “continue to remain common if developers don't handle location information more sensitively." Is that more comforting or less comforting? I'm not actually sure…

What I am sure of is that Tinder should not have failed to disclose the vulnerability when it was privately reported. Users deserved to know that the security of their location data was potentially compromised, even though the bug was fixed sometime between December and January.

Your questions now are probably "Has anyone actually exploited this?” and “Can I tell if someone has tracked me using this privacy vulnerability?" According to Include Security’s post, “there is no simple way to determine if this attack was used against a specific Tinder user." In other words, nope – you have no way of knowing if that slightly unbalanced-looking person you just rejected is about to come knocking at your door.

Good luck sleeping (or swiping) with that on your mind.

See a demo of the Tinder vulnerability at work:

Users of online dating sites sometimes get frustrated and overwhelmed with all the lengthy profiles and messaging back and forth before they ever get to a date with a potential match. A simple solution: why not test the chemistry first by video chatting with each other before meeting for drinks or coffee?

Enter a new crop of online dating apps focused on video interaction. Among those making headlines in this growing field are Date.fm, Flikdate, Video Date and two new apps launched last fall -- View N Me and Instamour.

Developers of these apps saw an opportunity when they noticed how Skype and Facetime are fast becoming typical platforms for people to communicate. They figured singles would want to see if there's chemistry before spending the time and money and effort to meet a date in person. And why not do that from your laptop or mobile phone?

While it sounds great to meet a potential date through a video chat, some people aren't so convinced. Not everyone is a movie director or cinematographer who can figure out good lighting to highlight someone's most attractive features. All too often, poor lighting and strange camera angles can interfere with making a good first impression. View N Me offers tips for looking your best on video to address this problem.

Safety is another concern, and different app developers deal with it in different ways. For example, Video Date does not use phone numbers or e-mails for people to communicate through the service, and messages delete after 24 hours. View N Me offers a strict no tolerance policy for any type of inappropriate behavior on its site. Once someone is reported they conduct a review and terminate the subscription if the user's behavior is deemed inappropriate.

But the most important question for daters is: how easy is the service to use?

Date.fm works a bit like a video-enabled Tinder app. It is simple to use - the service provides general information like age and location along with photos of matches, and you can like or dislike them. If you both like each other, you are sent a notification and then can start video chatting from within the app. FlikDate touts itself as "the fastest date in the world." You simply connect with your Facebook account and play a type of video roulette, where you can chat with someone instantly, see if you click, and accept or reject your match on the spot.

It's no surprise that video dating is becoming more and more popular. People are looking for quick ways to get to know each other. But the real test for love still takes time and effort.

According to recent research, online dating is now the most popular way to meet prospective romantic partners. If you're considering joining a dating site but aren't sure what to do or what to expect, it's a good idea to proceed with both an open mind for meeting people and a little precaution.

Online dating safety is a concern, and the U.S. Attorney General's office has taken a stand to encourage people to exercise caution when searching for a relationship online because of the recent dating scams, especially when online daters misrepresent themselves in order to extract financial favors.

Zoosk, which markets itself as the number one dating app, has put together a few quick tips for online dating safety, so keep them in mind when you begin your own search:

Create an Alias - Create a new username and use a different email account from your main email when signing up for a dating site to protect your privacy.

Stay Online - Don't give out your personal cell phone number right away, especially if you are feeling pressured. Keep your messages and chats online through the dating site until you meet in-person.

Keep Personal Info Private - Do not share sensitive personal or financial information with someone whom you haven't met. This includes your last name, address, home or work phone numbers in addition to any financial information.

Go Out in Public - Always choose a public venue for your first few in-person dates, such as a restaurant or coffee shop. Never meet for the first time at your/their home, and don't arrange to have your date pick you up. Plan to meet each other at a restaurant or other public location instead.

Tell a Friend - Always let a friend or family member know who, when and where you're meeting for an in-person date with someone you met online.

Here are a few more things to keep in mind when you're online dating:

Meet sooner rather than later. Many problems for daters occur because they form a virtual relationship with their online match and become emotionally invested before they've seen each other face-to-face. Before you get intimate through emails and phone calls, plan to meet each other for coffee in person. Often, a scammer will try to avoid in-person meetings and keep things going online. If your date keeps making excuses for why he can't get together, then move on.

Keep drinking to a minimum. Some people like to have a glass of wine to loosen up on a date. Keep in mind your tolerance levels. If you get tipsy after a drink or two, you might want to consider not drinking at all. Don't make yourself vulnerable to your online dates, especially when you don't know them.