Safety

Thanks to Tinder and online dating, there is a bit of a gap between communicating with someone online and actually meeting them in person – IRL if you will. For instance, let’s say you match with someone you find attractive, and then send her a message. She responds right away, and you have a good text/ message rapport. So you decide to ask her out for a drink. Suddenly, she is busy with work, is out of town, and has no time right now to meet.

You feel your hopes deflating with each excuse. It is disappointed to get emotionally invested in someone online, only to have them flake out when it actually comes to the date. Rest assured, you’re not alone.

I’ve been on both sides of this scenario. It is frustrating to adjust your own schedule to make room for dating, and then your matches don’t return the same courtesy to you. Maybe she is busy with work, or maybe she is traveling a lot right now. I remember postponing first dates due to scheduling conflicts, but I quickly found out my matches dropped away like flies, looking for someone who would be available to date. And if you’re on the receiving end of your match’s excuses? Ask yourself: do you really want a relationship with someone who doesn’t have enough motivation to meet you in the first place?

If you have a little more patience, suggest talking on the phone in the meantime. And set some plans in the near future when your calendars are free and she is in town.

And if she resists that, too, claiming she just doesn’t have the time? Take heart: this is probably not a real person you are dealing with – or at least, a person who is really interested in dating or finding a relationship. This could be a scam at the very worst – and at the very best, she is someone who is unsure of what she really wants. Unless you want to end up in a textual relationship at best, or scammed out of money or emotions at worst, it's best not to even bother continuing the communication.

Remember, this is your dating life. You have the right to expect others to actually date if they are on a dating app. Don’t resign yourself to accepting an endless stream of text messages that go nowhere. Instead of lingering in your messaging app, hoping someday to take things offline, cut to the chase sooner. Ask him or her out for a drink or coffee. If they put off meeting you, move on to the next.

It’s hard to know if there will be a spark between you until you are looking at each other in person, IRL. So meet your dates.

Life's short. Have an affair. Get hacked.

It's not Ashley Madison's new slogan, but it could be.

The biggest story in the online dating world right now is the news that the infamous dating site for adulterers has been attacked by hackers. A group calling themselves The Impact Team claims to have complete access to Ashley Madison’s database of more than 37 million members. They say they're in possession of financial records, addresses, and other personal information, and are threatening to publish it online unless the site closes.

In addition to Ashley Madison, the same group has compromised two other dating sites, Cougar Life and Established Men. All three are owned by the same parent company, Avid Life Media (ALM).

The hackers said in a statement: “Avid Life Media has been instructed to take Ashley Madison and Established Men offline permanently in all forms, or we will release all customer records, including profiles with all the customers’ secret sexual fantasies and matching credit card transactions, real names and addresses, and employee documents and emails. The other websites may stay online.”

The issue that prompted the attack appears to be the leavers’ fee that Ashley Madison charges users. Should a member choose to leave the service permanently, Ashley Madison offers a “full delete” of their profile and all associated data for a $19 fee.

However, The Impact Team claims no data is ever deleted. "Full Delete netted [Avid Life Media] $1.7 million in revenue in 2014. It's also a complete lie," the hackers said in their statement. "Users almost always pay with credit card; their purchase details are not removed as promised, and include real names and address, which is of course the most important information the users want removed."

So far Avid Life Media has defended the service and offered to stop charging for it in the future. Their own statement says: “We apologise for this unprovoked and criminal intrusion into our customers’ information. The current business world has proven to be one in which no company’s online assets are safe from cyber-vandalism, with Avid Life Media being only the latest among many companies to have been attacked, despite investing in the latest privacy and security technologies.”

For now, ALM has positive words for concerned users. “At this time,” reads the statement, “we have been able to secure our sites, and close the unauthorised access points.” The company is working with law enforcement agencies to investigate the hack and plans to prosecute all parties responsible for what they're calling “an act of cyber-terrorism.”

For more on this developing story you can check out CNN.

Digital dating services have helped millions of people worldwide find love, but critics say they've also increased public health risk. The use of dating sites and apps continues to rise, causing some to believe STIs are on the rise as a result.

Rhode Island health officials recently reported that the state has seen an uptick in a number of STIs over the last year. Between 2013 and 2014, the number of RI citizens diagnosed with syphilis increased by 79%. The numbers of newly diagnosed HIV patients and cases of gonorrhea also increased, by 33% and 30%, respectively.

Rhode Island’s health department says the increase in diagnoses is due in part to better and more frequent access to STI screening, but also believes dating services are at fault for allowing users to easily “arrange casual and often anonymous sexual encounters.”

This is not the first time dating services have been accused of fueling rising STI rates, but others believe the accusations are unwarranted.

In a study published in 2007 in the journal AIDS Care, Dr. Brian Mustanski, a professor of medical social sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, concluded that those already prone to high-risk sex use dating services to meet partners, not that meeting partners online causes high-risk sex.

Still, a number of dating apps have taken steps to address the issue. Gay dating app Hornet, for example, prompts users to update their HIV status every three months. Scruff, another app for gay men, gives free and geographically targeted banner ads to local non-profits that work with the LGBT community, some of which address sexual health. There are also niche dating services that cater to users who know their STI status.

David Semerad, the CEO of STRV, a mobile and digital agency that has helped develop a number of dating apps, told Newsweek “There's so much power in the hand of these apps. If a dating app is a big part of your life, it has a huge impact on your decisions. You need to make it cool to be healthy and get tested often.”

Mustanski also believes dating companies should support larger public health efforts, though he doesn't see a direct correlation between online dating and risky sexual behavior. He says research shows people are most likely to take positive actions regarding their health when they're pointed directly to a place for help, like a dating app offering GPS directions to the nearest clinic for STI screening.

Weigh in: should dating services help promote safer sex?

Popular dating apps like Tinder and Grindr have a reputation of being so-called "hook-up" apps. While more and more people are turning to dating apps to meet singles for long-term love and/ or a casual affair, this trend appears to coincide with a rise in the rates of syphilis and HIV, too.

Public health officials in Rhode Island released a health report last week stating that there has been a 79% rise in syphilis cases in the state between 2013 and 2014, and that it’s attributable in part to the use of social media and dating apps to arrange casual or anonymous hookups. People having unprotected sex, multiple sex partners, and having sex under the influence of drugs and alcohol were also cited as reasons for the increase in STDs.

“These new data underscore the importance of encouraging young people to begin talking to a doctor, nurse, or health educator about sexual health before becoming sexually active and especially after becoming sexually active,” Rosemary Reilly-Chamma of the Rhode Island Department of Education said in the report.

A rise in STDs, particularly HIV and syphilis, were also reported in New York, Utah, and Texas, where officials have warned of increased risk of transmission. The New York City Health Department announced earlier this year that men in the neighborhood of Chelsea had the highest infection rate of syphilis in the country.

Anindya Ghose, co-author of a study that monitored the rise of STDs along with the launch of Craiglist personals ads, believes that online dating apps have had a similar effect. "Basically what the Internet does is makes it a lot easier to find a casual partner," he told VICE News. "Without the Internet you'd have to put effort into casual relationships, chatting with someone at the bar or hanging out in places, but these platforms make it a lot more convenient and easy. That's essentially what the primary driver is."

Others disagree, citing a lack of education and resources, especially for young people, the largest group at risk. They argue that community health providers, doctors, and even schools should educate people about the risks of not using condoms and other protection when engaging in casual sex. Access to condoms and affordable healthcare are two big concerns.

Social media and dating apps make it easier to meet people, but they didn’t create the problem of STD risk. They magnified a problem that already existed – casual sexual encounters without adequate knowledge of safety and protection leave people vulnerable to risk.

Your knight (or lady) in shining armor could be waiting online. Or your next hookup. Or even your new best friend. But so are identity thieves, hackers, and other unscrupulous folks who range from not-so-nice to downright nasty.

Online dating is like a playground. Most people you meet are good. They're out there to have fun and meet each other. But a few of those people are bullies, and your best bet is to steer clear of them.

One of the biggest online dating bullies is the catfish, a person who pretends to be someone they're not and uses that false identity to lure others into deceptive online relationships.

How do you investigate a potential date if something feels fishy? It's time for some digital research. It might seem creepy at first (and if you were stalking your ex, it would be), but in this case you get a pass. You have to take care of yourself, and a good offense is the best defense.

Look for the following red flags during your investigation:

• Their profile looks like it was put together in 30 seconds. The profile of a serious dater should look like time and effort went into it.
• They don't have social media accounts. Maybe they just think they're being radical by staying off social media. Maybe. But it's far more likely in this day and age that someone who doesn't have any social media accounts doesn't exist.
• They have more than one profile on a single social media site. How many Facebook accounts does one person need? Answer: one. More than that could mean something suspect is going on.
• Their social accounts have very few friends. Most of us are on social media to be social. If an account only has a handful of friends, you have to wonder what else it exists for.
• Their photos don't look right. Are they all modeling photos with no pictures of activities? Has no one else posted a photo of them? Are there no signs of family or friends in any of the pictures? Are their photos completely devoid of tags? These are all possible red flags.
• They contact you outside of your dating service. You've been chatting on OkCupid and suddenly they reach out to you on Facebook. Time to take a step back and reconsider who you're talking to. Even if they're not a catfish, that move shows a poor sense of boundaries.
• Their profile is copy/pasted. Some scammers get lazy and use the same info for multiple profiles, or steal the info from real profiles. Run a Google search to see if the same text pops up in multiple profiles. You can also run a reverse image search to do the same for photos.

If you see any of these signs – or worse, a cluster of them – you may be better off backing away.

The hacking of large company databases for personal and compromising information is on the rise. First it was giant retailer Target, then entertainment studio Sony, followed by a few of the major insurance companies - and it has been reported that as many as 200 companies have been hacked in the last few years, its victims their own customers and employees.

But this week, in perhaps the most personal of the recent data hacks, dating website Adult Friend Finder (a service for those looking for casual friendships and sexual hook-ups), has announced that its customer data has also been breached.

Channel 4 News in the UK has reported that the personal information of 3.9 million of AdultFriendFinder.com’s members was discovered in an online forum for hackers, including users’ sexual preferences, e-mail addresses, dates of birth and, in some cases, whether they were looking to cheat on their spouses. The company has notified law enforcement agencies, but said that no financial or password information seems to have been stolen.

AdultFriendFinder is different from traditional dating sites in that the information people provide is much more personal. When a user signs up, the services asks him/ her to detail his interests and, based on those criteria, matches people for sexual encounters. The site, which boasts 64 million members, claims to have "helped millions of people find traditional partners, swinger groups, threesomes, and a variety of other alternative partners."

So customers who joined the website to anonymously post their sexual preferences for hook-ups might now face being exposed to family members, co-workers, bosses, and even spouses or partners, compromising their personal lives.

One controversial hacker took advantage of the now-exposed data to identify over Twitter and personally name four different men who were using the dating site – including one who was married. Because the data is now accessible to anyone, many more people could be publicly shamed as a result.

According to CNN Money: “The breach was carried out by a hacker who goes by the moniker ROR[RG]. In an online hacker forum, he said he blackmailed Adult FriendFinder, telling the site he would expose the data online unless the company paid him $100,000.”

"Until the investigation is completed, it will be difficult to determine with certainty the full scope of the incident, but we will continue to work vigilantly to address this potential issue and will provide updates as we learn more from our investigation," FriendFinder's statement said.

According to The Wall Street Journal, researchers noted that as awareness of the breach spread on Friday May 22nd, more copies of the files were appearing online, meaning more people potentially had access to the data.