Advice

I have oodles and oodles of files of horrible online dating pictures that I use as examples for my clients. Let’s say I’ve seen every mistake in the book. Of course, this is great news for you because you don’t have to make those mistakes now! Here are things to avoid in your online dating profile pictures:

1) Old pictures. If you are 5 years older or 10+ pounds heavier/lighter now, you need new pictures. Nobody wants a “surprise!” on a date when the person they meet doesn’t match the person they thought they found attractive online.

2) Fuzzy pictures. Get a good camera and be sure your photos are clear.

3) Webcam pictures. I don’t care how state of the art your webcam is, it does not take good pictures. The colors are washed out and the lighting is awful.

Match.com and Premier Match helped assemble 8 single women for Good Morning America. They were asked for their opinions on dating in a recession and what they do, and do not look for in a man.

These woman consider one or more of the following factors important about a man:

• The type of job he has and if he is employed.
• If he has ambition and is a leader. He also must be supportive (not necessarily financially).
• If the man pays for the first date, especially if he initiated the date.
• Chivalry.
• Enjoys life and work.

Match.com actually found in a recent survey they did that 71% of members would still date a person if they had lost their job. Over 2,700 male and female members participated in this survey. The Match.com survey did not consider gender so it is not clear if more men than woman would do this. With the Good Morning America panel of single woman, it seemed with almost all of them, being on a date with a unemployed man was not an option.

In terms of first dates, most of the woman were looking for something not formal. Going out for drinks was mentioned several times, with dinner as an option if the early part of the evening had gone well. Being creative on a first date was also a good thing. Out of the 8 woman, 7 expected the man to pay for the first date.

For the full Good Morning America video clip and to find out more on what these thirty and forty something woman are looking for in a man, visit ABC News. For more information on Match.com, read our review of the dating site.

You’ve done your brainstorming, you’ve written your first draft, and now you’re ready to craft your awesome dating profile. Remember that short and sweet is the way to go – think of your dating profile as the back cover to your autobiography. Make the snippet of your life so interesting that people just have to pick you up! (Pun intended!)

If you remember, I had written a few sentences about myself in my first draft:

• I started my own business a couple years ago to help people find love through online dating.
• I love to write. It doesn’t even feel like work most of the time.
• It’s great to be my own boss.
• It’s awesome when my clients come back later to tell me that their profile worked and they got lots of dates and met someone special!
• Having a business is stressful at times, but I love it.

Now I just need to put it together in a coherent paragraph:

My boss demands utter perfection. She makes me work long hours and tells me it’ll all be worth it one day when she’s vacationing in Maui. Good thing that boss is ME! I’m a writer who specializes in dating profiles and really, I’d skip the vacation in Maui as long as I keep hearing from happy clients who are finding love thanks to my handiwork. When I’m not surgically attached to my laptop, you’ll find me rollerblading, swing dancing, or playing Dungeons & Dragons. (Yeah, I’m a geek. You grok?)

I can do the same for my sentences about my match:

• My match is the kind of guy who describes himself as a geek.
• He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t mind being a kid sometime and going out for mini-golf and ice cream.
• He loves cats (or at least loves my cats!).
• He’s educated, either school of life or higher education.

Those turn into:

My ideal match is probably a geek, too. What can I say, it’s just my type! He’s got an amount of brains that a zombie would love to feast upon. Whether he got his education from a university – doctorates are sexy! – or from the school of life, he’s a smart cookie who is just plain fun to talk with for hours. He’s the type of guy who embraces his inner child, hugs my cats, and squeezes me tight whenever we say goodbye! Is that you? Send me an email and let’s talk about those braiiiiiiins...

All done? Not quite. This profile needs a headline... but that’s a whole new article!

So you’ve done some brainstorming (see Story), and come up with a ton of useful information about you and your ideal match. Now that you’ve got this information, you need to use it to create the first draft of your dating profile.

“First draft? Oh no! Is this like English class?”

Oh yes, it is. But in English class, your only motivation was getting a good grade. (Or maybe just a passing grade, depending on your style!) This is a much higher stakes activity – if you do this the quick and easy way, you’ll end up getting very few dates. Do it the right way and you’re on your way to meeting the love of your life!

Grab your brainstorming page and take a look at the side about you. Decide on two or three things about yourself that you’d like to feature in your profile. For example, if I were writing a profile for myself I’d feature BUSINESS OWNER and WRITER.

Your profile does not have to tell your whole story! Resist the temptation to list every hobby, every activity, every facet of your personality. Think of your profile as the back cover of your autobiography: it only needs to give enough information to intrigue someone into picking it up and giving it a shot!

Once you’ve decided what you want to feature about yourself, start thinking about sentences you could write, using the information from your brainstorming map. Again, don’t worry about being perfect – this is a rough draft.

I might write:

• I started my own business a couple years ago to help people find love through online dating.
• I love to write. It doesn’t even feel like work most of the time.
• It’s great to be my own boss.
• It’s awesome when my clients come back later to tell me that their profile worked and they got lots of dates and met someone special!
• Having a business is stressful at times, but I love it.

Do the same process for the paragraph about your ideal match. Remember, you want to paint the picture of the kind of person you want to meet.

I might write:

• My match is the kind of guy who describes himself as a geek.
• He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t mind being a kid sometime and going out for mini-golf and ice cream.
• He loves cats (or at least loves my cats!).
• He’s educated, either school of life or higher education.

Once you’ve gotten your rough draft together, the only thing left to do is write the final, polished version and come up with a great headline! Are you ready?

One of the toughest parts about online dating is writing your profile. So many people stare at the blinking cursor on the screen and have absolutely no idea where to start. No wonder so many online dating profiles begin with variations on a theme!

“I don’t know what I should write here...”

“I don’t even know why I’m doing this...”

“What should I tell you about myself?”

These are not the first impressions you want to be making on your potential matches! (Especially if you’re a man – remember, confidence is very sexy and there is nothing sexy about those three sample introductions!) How can you get your brain jumpstarted into profile writing mode? Easy! Brainstorm.

Grab a piece of unlined paper and a pencil or pen. (Seriously, we’re going to go old-school here, and you’ll see why in a second.) It’s important that it’s unlined paper because we’re not going to be making a list or anything linear for this exercise.

Draw a circle in the center of the paper and put your name in it. Now, start thinking about the things you are and do. For example, I’d put a lines out from my name and write things like “WRITER,” “GEEK,” “COACH,” “BUSINESS OWNER.”

Now, branch out from those into ideas about those items. For me, branching out from “WRITER” would be “love language,” “love to read,” “copywriting,” “short fiction,” “creative non-fiction,” “blogging,” and “dating profiles.”

Once you’ve filled in all the good stuff about you, flip it over and do the same for your ideal mate. Brainstorm up what you’d like as far as physical attributes, personality, and activities. Don’t censor yourself – just jot things down as they pop into your mind and move on to the next idea.

Got it all out? Sit back and take a look at what you have – a paper full of awesome ideas to use in your dating profile! Now you don’t have to start with “I’m not sure what I should write here.” You have tons of things to write about both yourself and your ideal match. So now what? How do you take this information and make it into an awesome profile that gets attention? Stay tuned for my next article to learn how!

Image from Brycej's Flickr page.

In the article titled The (not so) hard and fast rules of dating the author talked to several twenty and thirty something's about any dating rules they may have. It seems like more women than men have rules about dating. A few examples include having an age limit, like not dating a guy more than 5 years younger, to anyone with a bad tattoo is off limits. One woman said, if sex was mentioned on the first date, she would never call the man back. Some singles use the rules as a protective layer while others may have rules but in most cases break one or more of them with every different person they go out with.

Experts agree dating rules are helpful, if they are not too restrictive. Evan Marc Katz who has appeared on CNN as a relationship expert says:

Bad experiences and damaged trust are often catalysts for rule-making ... It's a natural defence mechanism.

He further says it is better to understand and follow the spirit of the rules and not necessarily live by them religiously. Most experts also agree that a huge list of physical requirements, is not a good thing. In most cases you will probably let the man or woman of your dreams slip by if you don't slacken these type of rules.

For the full story The Globe and Mail.