Advice

There are thousands of dating sites out there, but really only a small percentage that are worth your time and money. Here's how to tell if the dating site you're scoping out is a dud.

Poor design
If the site just plain looks bad, it's probably not worth your time. (I've heard people argue that despite it's appearance, Plenty of Fish is worth it, but I just can't get past the bad interface to make it work for me.) If the site is ugly or looks like it was thrown together in a weekend, chances are, it's somebody's "get rich quick" scheme.

It's all in the URL
Quality dating sites have catchy and unique names. Think about it - Match, Chemistry, eHarmony, JDate, ChristianCafe, SoulGeek, OkCupid, RewardingLove. Their owners took the time to create a name that was easy to remember and had the .com domain still available for purchase. If the dating site you're checking out is north-america-cute-singles.com, chances are you're looking at a dud.

Read the copy carefully
There's a lot you can learn about a site by reading the front page, about us, and FAQ. If it's riddled with spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, or just plain poor writing, you have a dud.

Check the footer
Most online daters are blissfully unaware of a phenomenon called white label dating. A white label dating company owns the software and the databases and wannabe dating site owners pay them to use these programs and databases to launch their own sites. What does this mean for you? It means that you could sign up for a Christian dating site and be looking at members who signed up for a dog lovers dating site. The membership bases are shared among the white label sites so they can boast huge subscriber numbers. Look in the footer for a link that says the site is powered by or courtesy of... click it and you'll be taken to the white label company.

Google is your friend
I came across a white label site claiming it was for geek dating. It had tons of success stories. On a hunch, I googled the first success story. Turns out, it's also listed on Norwegian dating, Australian dating, and many other niche dating sites. The same exact success story. Talk about a DUD! They have to post fake success stories that may or may not even originate from the geek dating site.

Ask around
Look around the web for reviews of the site. Remember that EVERY dating site, no matter how big, is going to have some bad reviews. Match and eHarmony are responsible for lots of marriages, but they also have their haters. What you should be worried about is if you find little to no GOOD reviews of a site. Then you know you have a fly-by-night, make-money-quick dud on your hands.

With the help of this list, a keen eye, and Google, you should be able to easily tell which dating sites are worth your time and money. Be a savvy dater!

Larger singles do not necessarily have an easy time dating online or off. MSNBC wrote about several women who are plus sized and are online looking for love. Both women, Christie Hyde (age 33) and Cynthia Colby (age 55), tried most of the popular dating sites between them, including Match.com, eHarmony.com and PlentyofFish.com with no luck. They did not hide the fact that they where over weight and mentioned it in their profiles and included photos of themselves. They did communicate with men on these dating sites but, sometimes before a first date, when they reminded them in a email messages about their size, they never heard from them again.

An assistant professor of communications at California State University, Laura Triplett, studies fat discrimination. She found that in a lot of cases once a plus sized women meets a potential match in person, societies taboo's take over and she is rejected. With online dating, Laura recommends using niche dating sites that promote overweight singles. She also suggests not to include your weight or your size in your profile. You should focus on other positive features about yourself.

For more on this story, read Today MSNBC and to find dating sites which cater directly to plus sized singles, check out our new Plus-Size Dating category.

Let's face it. We all have certain physical qualities that we find attractive and others that turn us off. I often have male clients asking me "How do I say 'No fatties' without saying 'No fatties'?" (This is extra ironic because by their definitions, I am a fattie.)

But this issue encompasses a lot more than weight. There are people who don't find skinny people attractive, or who find artificially colored hair gross, or who would never date a Republican or an atheist or someone who owned more than one cat.

How do you make your desires known without coming off like a rude person? It all boils down to one rule:

I stumbled across an interesting story today through a link shared on Twitter. To say that it was inaccurate is an understatement! I'd like to bring up one point that the writer makes and let you know exactly why he is 100% wrong.

Here's what he writes about winks:

Do: Wink as often as possible. Most sites offer a free communication tool called a wink (or a flirt) where members can show interest in each other with a pre-written email designed. Since winks are the primary method by which other members will notice your profile you must get in the habit of sending a lot of winks. Send 10 winks per weekday for 1 month you will have sent 200 winks. If only a mere one percent of all members at whom you have winked showed interest, you'd meet two brand- new love interests every month.

Don't: Email before winking. A direct email before attraction is solidified is as welcome as a phone call at dinner time. Doing so exemplifies a non-interest in attraction and may irreversibly turn-off a potential mate. Conversely, don't pre-judge an attractive profile due to some personal neurosis. If you see someone you're attracted to but they live in Magna- wink anyway. You never know what treasure's you'll find if you keep digging.

Wow. Just wow. I'm not sure how he could be more wrong about winks. Here's how I would re-write the Do's and Don't's of winks:

Do: Send a short and sweet email to people you are interested in. It shows that you invested time in reading their profile and crafting an email that addresses them directly as a person, not just as an attractive target. Send 10 emails per week to the people who interest you the most. If you must click the wink button, do so immediately AFTER sending a first contact email. Winks and emails can come as a package, but a wink shouldn't come separately.

Don't: Wink at anything with appropriate genitalia and a pretty/handsome face. Ten winks a day? 200+ winks a month? This clearly indicates you are not being selective or reading your potential match's profiles thoroughly. Sending a wink with no email sends the message, "I think you're cute, but I don't want to take the time to write you unless I know it's worth my time." Essentially, you're telling the person, "You're not worth it right now." I think that's far worse than sending them an email and risking coming on too strong. (Besides, with the right first contact email, you'll only come on as friendly and low-pressure.)

What do you think about winks? Have you been a victim of a drive-by winker?

Some people have this vision of the type of people on your average online dating site. Assuming the very worst version of this vision, here's what the legions of online daters are:

• Losers
• Freaks
• Geeks/Nerds
• Psychopaths/Murderers/Con Artists
• Depressed People
• The Mentally Ill
• Ugly People
• Fat People
• People with No Social Skills
• People with No Friends
• People with No Life
• Etc, etc, etc.

While ANY subset of the population will include the people above, it is unfair to assume that online dating contains a majority of the "undesirables" of society. Let me give you a little example of who is really doing online dating:

If you've ever thought, "I'm too old for online dating! That stuff's for young people, not me!" Prepare to learn something new today.

Online dating is not reserved for the 18-35 demographic. (Heck, it's not even reserved for the 18-65 demographic!) For example, meet Ruth and Leonard, octogenarians who found love on match.com. Their story was recently featured on Good Morning America called Finding Online Love at 80.

Ruth & Leonard were 85 and 87 when they got married. Both were widowed and had profiles on Match.com. Ruth was a little skeptical, since it seemed most of the men wanted women in their 60s and 70s, not 80s. But Leonard wanted her! He drove up into the mountains of Colorado to meet her at her place, where she made him lunch. It was love at first sight, and after three months, they got hitched.