Tips

I find the biggest challenge for most daters is perseverance and - well - faith that things can change. When you have one bad date, it makes a good story for your friends, but a string of bad dates or relationships and you start to think there's something wrong with the people you're meeting. Or that you have really bad luck. Or that you're destined to be single. None of these are true, however. But how do you get past the frustration to see things a bit more optimistically?

While it's true that not every date or relationship is going to go well, you don't have to get discouraged. While it seems life may be handing you lemons unfairly, the only thing that's completely under your control is your attitude. You can't dictate who you'll meet or what they should be like. So since you can't control them, do take control of the one thing you can - your perception.

Instead of getting frustrated because your boyfriend isn't doing what you want him to do, or the man you're attracted to won't call, or you aren't meeting anyone you want to see again - take a step back. Ask yourself if you are giving the pessimistic view of dating and relationships the power over you by assuming things will never change. Instead of doing this, try approaching things with a new perspective:

Refrain from complaints. Instead of dishing about your bad dates with your girlfriends to gain sympathy, start talking about things that interest you and make you happy. It doesn't matter whether it's travel or pets or your work, change the focus of your interactions with friends to be positive and inspiring, rather than sessions for complaining. You might notice a change in your friends, too.

Do something fun after every bad date. Sometimes the only way to get us out of a funk is to do something different. Instead of curling up in front of the TV, get out and try something fun you've always wanted to do. Try it by yourself or with a friend, whatever makes you feel comfortable. This helps to readjust your attitude patterns.

Stop nagging. Maybe you know exactly what he should do to be a better boyfriend, but it doesn't help your relationship to nag or try to change him. Accept him for who he is - after all, you fell in love with him as he is. Instead of trying to change him or list off his faults, try cultivating acceptance. Think of all the traits you love about him. When you change your attitude towards him from annoyance to acceptance, you'll find it brings your relationship to a whole new level, and makes it much more enjoyable - as it should be!

Scenario: You've started dating a great man. You go out a few times a week, and he often texts you throughout the day to share jokes, thoughts, or just to say hi. You look forward to seeing him more and more. But then, a day goes by where you don't hear from him. You start to panic, wondering if he's seeing someone else or if you said something to offend him. You wait for him to text or call, and nothing happens. You pace, fret and worry until you can't handle it anymore. Your insecurities get the best of you. You send off an accusatory text: "Why haven't you called me? Is this your way of dumping me?"

As you can imagine, this does not lead to a better relationship. Instead, this kind of behavior often in a big turn-off for men. Instead of wanting to please you, they run for the hills.

So if this is something you find yourself doing when you're lovestruck, please remember these few simple steps before you start sabotaging your relationship:

Take a deep breath. When we let our thoughts go out of control, we often feel physically out of control, causing us to react. Instead of giving in to those impulses, take a deep breath. Count to a hundred. Go running or hiking. When we refocus our physical energy, we can diffuse our emotional energy.

Do something else. Yes, it's that simple. If you can't stop thinking about the fact he hasn't called in three days, or that his last text only said "hey," then you need to do something else now. Call a friend to go to dinner or a movie. Get out of your house and away from your phone. Dwelling on what to do and when he'll call or text is never the answer.

Write that text or email, but don't press send. If you really need to get your feelings off your chest, then write them out. But don't press the "send" key. This is for your eyes and well-being only.

Communicate. If you often jump to the conclusion that when a man doesn't call or text regularly he isn't interested, or that he's seeing someone else, stop. Instead of assuming the worst, have an open conversation with him. Don't be hostile or accusatory. Simply state your feelings and expectations, and ask if you can compromise. Maybe he needs a little time and space to see if the relationship is right, and doesn't like to feel pressured. Maybe you feel he doesn't respect your time when he calls you to do something at the last minute. Whatever your grievances, talk them out. Don't just assume the other person is being a player or duplicitous in some way. Be open to the relationship so it can build.

Now that we've dished on the girls...there are some hard and fast rules guys should follow too when it comes to texting women. If you're interested in someone, how you approach her over text is as important as how you approach her in person. So, tread carefully and thoughtfully before pressing "send."

Some tips to remember the next time you text:

Don't ask a woman out for the first time over text. I know this is popular, especially among twenty-somethings. But this doesn't make the best impression. Often, a woman doesn't know if you're really interested in her, wanting to hang out as a friend, or just wanting sex. A text implies that it could be any of these things, which means she may or may not agree. If you break the ice with a phone call instead, you leave a much better impression.

Don't send her pictures of your junk. Really guys? Do you think when women are single and looking to date that they automatically want to see so much of you? Women still like to feel courted, not pushed. There's no romance in sending revealing pics after a first date, and that's not how you get most women to respond to you. Try the classy route and ask her out again. See if it leads to more.

Flirt, but don't be nasty. It's easy and fun to flirt over text. You can be suggestive and creative, and it helps to keep you connected to your love interest. However, there is a fine line between flirtatious and aggressive. If you just met her, maintain decorum until you get to know her better. There's no need to push the envelope right away, because most women are turned off by too much suggestion.

Don't wait three days to respond to her text. If you're busy with work, let her know. If you're not interested, let her know. There's nothing more dismissive than not responding to a text, so please respond in a timely matter, if only to say "thanks but no thanks." At least she knows where she stands.

Don't be boring. It's easy to keep sending texts like, "hey what's up?" but these are conversation killers. Be a little more creative in your texts. Ask her out on a real date. Tell her something funny. Try to engage her instead of just leaving things so open. You'll get better results in the long run.

While there is not "one size fits all" strategy to dating and making a romantic connection, there are a few universal pet peeves. Maybe you've dated someone with one of these annoying habits, or maybe you do some of them yourself. Regardless, they're a big turn-off for many people.

I think we all could learn more when it comes to dating; that there's room for improvement in everyone. So if you recognize any of the following traits in yourself - stop! Take a step back, and for your next date, try to refrain from:

Talking about yourself non-stop. Sure, we all want to portray ourselves as confident and successful - it makes you a great catch, right? While confidence is a big attractor, you can go overboard. If you spend more time talking about yourself and your list of accomplishments instead of asking your date questions, you're not engaging with her. There's no room to form a connection, so you won't.

Having no manners. Spitting food, talking with your mouth full, snorting, farting, or any bodily noises while eating aren't pretty. So be aware of table manners and brush up on keeping your mouth closed while you eat. Also - it's not necessary but if you think about it, hold open a door or two for your date. Say thank you for a nice meal. Little gestures and acknowledgments go a long way in dating and set you apart from the rest.

Bad hygiene, bad kissing. Remember to put on deodorant before you leave the house and brush your teeth. At the very least, carry mints with you. Nobody wants to smell stale breath or body odor while on a date. (Also, don't be a sloppy wet kisser...)

Being a lush. I've dated men who drank a lot during dates to put themselves at ease. Women do this, too. It's not attractive. When you're slurring words and your date is wondering whether you're going to puke in his pasta, it's not a turn-on. You end up looking like a jerk. So limit yourself, even if you feel nervous. Trust me, it's better to be nervous than to be drunk.

Being rude. Don't treat your waitstaff like they are beneath you. Nothing is more of a turn-off than someone who acts superior. Be respectful of everyone on your date - the valet, waiter, taxi driver, etc. It shows how you behave in relationships. And remember to tip.

Checking your phone every two minutes. While it's easy to say you're on call for work so you can keep glancing through your texts, it's very rude and dismissive to a date. So turn off your phones or leave them at home. You can spend a couple of hours offline.

Texting is the primary way people make and break plans, especially when it comes to dating. It's quick, convenient, and requires no stress-inducing phone calls with stifled conversation, especially with someone you just met. So, it's become the easiest form of communication.

However, there are certain consequenses to keep in mind when it comes to texting and your love life - sometimes it can improve your relationships and sometimes it just frustrates others. If you want to keep the romance going, remember these tips:

Don't send one-word messages. It seems the biggest pet peeve for guys (according to Twitter) is sending a long text to a woman and having her give a one-word response. They put effort into crafting a nice text and you quickly respond with something like "k." This is kind of like a rejection, because they feel it's blowing them off. Instead of sending one-word responses, wait until you can text something more thoughtful or clever.

Don't use smiley faces. If you're talking to a man, act like a woman. There's no need to get cute and use a dozen exclamation points to show your enthusiasm, or a smiley face with every text to show you're happy. It can get annoying. If you want to convey your excitement, give him a call instead. Same thing with excessive use of "LOL." Mix it up so you stand out.

Don't text a man like you'd text your friends. He doesn't know you, so don't try being overly familiar or talking to him as though he knows what's going on in your life. Flirting is great and fun, but if you divulge too much over text it can be a turn-off. Save those personal conversations for face-to-face interactions.

Don't text him to cancel. This is a pet peeve of mine, because it looks like you're not all that interested if you send him a last-minute cancellation via text. Make a phone call instead. It shows that you're considerate, and also alleviates any misunderstandings that happen so easily over text. If you're not that into him, then let him know. It's easier that cancelling or neglecting to answer his texts, which just makes you look like a jerk.

Don't drunk text him. I know it's tempting to send off a ranting text to someone who might have hurt you in the past, or inexplicably disappeared. Don't do it. Any drunk texts you send you'll usually regret in the morning. Only text when you're in a calm, rational state. Otherwise, you'll only succeed in being angry once more instead of just letting go.

While I've always preferred my relationships to be in the same city if not the same zip code, many people find themselves in love with someone who lives far away. If you can't see each other on a regular basis, how do you make long-distance love work? It's difficult, but with a little perseverance and patience, it is possible to maintain and build a connection.

Following are some tips for those of you contemplating being in a long-term relationship:

Maintain regular contact. Do you take advantage of technology, or are you still mailing letters? Regular contact is key - Skyping, texting, and emailing are all crucial ingredients for building the relationship, so please use those laptops and smartphones. I'm not saying you have to be available 24/7, but do stay in touch regularly. Otherwise your partner might feel confused about your relationship and where he/ she stands. Regular contact also helps to maintain a connection.

Talk about the everyday things. Keeping your partner in the loop on your day-to-day life is helpful in keeping the connection going. Sharing details and the small ups and downs of life are often more important in keeping a long-distance relationship going than anything else. Mostly, your partner should feel like she knows what's going on in your life. This also keeps the connection going despite the distance.

Be willing to have the serious conversations. By this I mean be willing to talk about the future. Make plans to move to be in the same city. Discuss timeframes. Know the limits of how long you're willing to be apart. When you work towards the end goal - living together in the same city - it gives the relationship momentum and a reason to keep going.

Make plans to visit. Maybe you live three hours' drive apart, or maybe you live an ocean away. Regardless of distance and accessibility, make a plan to visit within a reasonable amount of time, depending on your budget and schedule. It's easier than ever now to find a great price on an airline ticket, or to budget your gas money accordingly. Take turns visiting each other to ease the expenses. Plan ahead so you can be excited about your upcoming trip.

Develop your own network. Remember a very important part of long-distance dating - cultivating your life where you are. Go out, meet new people, make plans with friends. A relationship is built on two individuals, so make sure you don't compromise yourself by waiting by the phone and hiding in your house while your love is 2,000 miles away. Build your own life, too.