Are you Sabotaging your Relationships?

Scenario: You've started dating a great man. You go out a few times a week, and he often texts you throughout the day to share jokes, thoughts, or just to say hi. You look forward to seeing him more and more. But then, a day goes by where you don't hear from him. You start to panic, wondering if he's seeing someone else or if you said something to offend him. You wait for him to text or call, and nothing happens. You pace, fret and worry until you can't handle it anymore. Your insecurities get the best of you. You send off an accusatory text: "Why haven't you called me? Is this your way of dumping me?"

As you can imagine, this does not lead to a better relationship. Instead, this kind of behavior often in a big turn-off for men. Instead of wanting to please you, they run for the hills.

So if this is something you find yourself doing when you're lovestruck, please remember these few simple steps before you start sabotaging your relationship:

Take a deep breath. When we let our thoughts go out of control, we often feel physically out of control, causing us to react. Instead of giving in to those impulses, take a deep breath. Count to a hundred. Go running or hiking. When we refocus our physical energy, we can diffuse our emotional energy.

Do something else. Yes, it's that simple. If you can't stop thinking about the fact he hasn't called in three days, or that his last text only said "hey," then you need to do something else now. Call a friend to go to dinner or a movie. Get out of your house and away from your phone. Dwelling on what to do and when he'll call or text is never the answer.

Write that text or email, but don't press send. If you really need to get your feelings off your chest, then write them out. But don't press the "send" key. This is for your eyes and well-being only.

Communicate. If you often jump to the conclusion that when a man doesn't call or text regularly he isn't interested, or that he's seeing someone else, stop. Instead of assuming the worst, have an open conversation with him. Don't be hostile or accusatory. Simply state your feelings and expectations, and ask if you can compromise. Maybe he needs a little time and space to see if the relationship is right, and doesn't like to feel pressured. Maybe you feel he doesn't respect your time when he calls you to do something at the last minute. Whatever your grievances, talk them out. Don't just assume the other person is being a player or duplicitous in some way. Be open to the relationship so it can build.