General News

Background Checks and First Dates

General News
  • Monday, March 11 2013 @ 01:18 pm
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  • Views: 1,298

With the ease that Google can pull up information on almost any topic, many people nowadays have the ability to find out much more about people than they were able to 10 or 12 years ago. With that comes the ability to eliminate doubt about anybody you know-your best friends, your boyfriend/girlfriend, or even your spouse. In an age where dishonesty is becoming more prevalent, it should come as no surprise that more and more people are turning to background checks to figure out just who they are going to be going on that date with.

We've all heard the horror stories... It's true, news stories almost seem common place about unlucky women who end up going on dates and finding out that the tall, dark, handsome man that they are seeing is a convicted felon with a history of violent sexual assaults. Or that the person they are dating is not who they say they are at all, and have been lying about things from the start.Lifetime movies have tainted us all in one way or another. When we hear stories like these, it is easy to justify looking up every detail of the first date. There is nothing wrong with background checks. The main thing to keep in mind is that you are by no means in the wrong if you do decide to perform a background check on the person that you are dating. If you are serious about dating and are looking for a partner to stay with for the long-run, you have every justification to take things seriously from the start. It may be better to get the jump on things and root out problems before they start, or at least to know what you're getting yourself into. If you have kids and know that you wouldn't feel safe with them around somebody that has a criminal history or poor driving record, don't even think twice about whether it's a good idea-just do it.

Preserving the mystery... On the other hand, there are those that would caution or argue against doing a background check on every date you go on. There was an episode of the TV show How I Met Your Mother where Ted ends up ruining a date with a girl because he Googles her and becomes very intimidated by her success. There is something positive about mystery that makes dates go the way that they do. The thought of actually meeting somebody new is exciting, but the "process" of meeting them can be ruined if you have already made a predetermined impression through a background check.

Before it's too late It may help to realize that, according to a study, 37% of married people snoop on their partners electronically. This is because nowadays, people tend to rush into relationships without knowing exactly what they are getting into. From infidelity to money problems, married couples that end up snooping on and doing background checks on each other have found things that they wish they would have known about 10 years earlier. Don't become that couple. This doesn't mean that you have to go out and do a background check or snoop, but with things like this going on in the world, you would not be at fault for doing so. If nothing comes up... Hopefully, if you do end up running a background check, nothing will come up. In instances where you have already been on a few dates or are in a committed relationship and have run a check that turns up nothing, you may find yourself feeling guilty or silly. Don't. Remember why you ran the check in the first place, and focus, from that point on, on building trust. In the end, remember that we live in a dangerous world, and that's it's better to be safe than... well, there's a number of things that could happen. But that's the point. In a world where trustworthy people are getting harder and harder to find, you may have to take it upon yourself to actively root out the dishonest.

Colter Brian is a former private investigator/photographer and now a freelance writer. When he writes, he contributes to sites such as Online Searches. Some of Colter's hobbies include spending time in the outdoors and perfecting his pasta recipes for his toughest critics; namely his two children.

Does Online Dating Create More Equality Or Less?

General News
  • Sunday, March 10 2013 @ 10:21 am
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  • Views: 1,335

The Internet: the great equalizer. Once we log on, we're all just anonymous screen names and carefully chosen email signatures. Online dating could be making society more equal than it's ever been, or it could be perpetuating social inequality. The Atlantic and BuzzFeed each took a side in the argument recently.

On January 24, BuzzFeed asked the provocative question "Is Online Dating Feminist?" Jaclyn Friedman, a writer, sexuality educator, and online dater who met her current boyfriend on OkCupid, believes the answer is "yes." "It may give women more power than the conventional dating scene," she explains, because "you can set your terms."

In her case, that meant announcing that she is a feminist and that anyone who was uncomfortable with that need not apply. She found it, and other aspects of her profile, to be great screening mechanisms. Anyone who ignored important aspects of her profile - like her boundaries or her request to email first - was automatically screened out as an incompatible partner.

Friedman also believes that women are comfortable initiating interactions online in a way they are not offline. "There's really no stigma at all online about a woman emailing a man," she says. "It all puts the control much more in your hands." Social scripts about who is the instigator in romantic situations are broken down online.

On the other hand, some think online dating reinforces social inequality. Philip Cohen analyzed message patterns on OkCupid to find significant imbalances based on race. Black women received the lowest response rates to their messages on the site (for example, a 32% response rate from white men, while Middle Eastern women got a 47% response rate from white men). Even white avatars in virtual worlds are given preference over black avatars.

What online dating might be most efficient at then, looking at Cohen's research, is boxing people into categories and reinforcing existing social hierarchies. Instead of closing the gap, online dating could be responsible for widening social inequality. It's far easier to discriminate online, where users aren't face to face, than it is to discriminate in person.

So which is it? Is online dating helping to promote equality? Is it maintaining the inequality that already exists? Is it making inequality worse? Does it depend on what kind of inequality we're talking about - is race one story while gender is another?

What has your experience been?

The New Formula For Finding Love (Part II)

General News
  • Wednesday, March 06 2013 @ 09:54 am
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  • Views: 1,240

When Amy Webb began online dating, she had faith in the system. Online dating algorithms are so sophisticated now that they must be a nearly-foolproof way to determine compatibility, right?

Wrong. Amy learned the hard way that online dating algorithms are only as good as the profiles they have to work with. If you write an incomplete, inaccurate, or just plain bad profile, an algorithm doesn't stand a chance of matching you with someone you'll actually click with, no matter how technologically advanced it is.

Amy set out on a quest to determine her own formula for finding love, and after a month of experimentation, she devised these 10 rules for creating the best possible profile:

  1. Your language should be positive and optimistic. Talk about your hopes, dreams, goals, and passions. Just make sure the conversation is light - your profile is not the place to tackle controversial subjects.
  2. The best profiles are succinct. Amy's was 900 words, which put her in the bottom 8% of all the profiles she reviewed. Aim for 90-100 words, which works out to about 3 sentences.
  3. Choose your photos wisely. Your pictures should focus above your waist. Make eye contact with the camera and shoot up close, so your face is highlighted. A stages smile is less appealing than a laugh.
  4. Don't try to be funny. Humor is good - forcing it is not. Have a friend review your profile to make sure your sense of humor translates well into text.
  5. Don't get too specific. Unless a specific - like enjoying a certain kind of food or liking a certain movie - is a dealbreaker for you, it doesn't need to be in your profile. You may accidentally alienate dates who would be good matches for you otherwise.
  6. Avoid controversy, for obvious reasons. "If you think there's something about what you've done in life that may be controversial or open for interpretation in a way that disadvantages you," Amy writes for CNN, "then leave it off." But, she adds, "I'm talking about political or activist work here, not things like jail time."
  7. Save some of your accomplishments to share at a later date. Your profile is not your CV. Listing your achievements makes it sound like you're applying for a job, not searching for a date. Besides, if you lay all your cards on the table right away, what will you have to talk about when you meet?
  8. Flirt intelligently. Aggressive pursuit usually isn't charming. Thoughtful flirting, in which you are attentive and show your deep interest in getting to know someone, is.
  9. Try the 20 hour rule. The 3 Day rule is out. Unless you're IMing in real time, wait 20-23 hours before responding to the initial few emails. It makes it clear you're interested without making you seem desperate.
  10. Don't be a stalker. Because no one wants to date someone who could be hiding behind their couch.

Related Story: The New Formula For Finding Love

ChristianMingle’s Future Looking Bright

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  • Monday, March 04 2013 @ 02:52 pm
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  • Views: 1,656
Thanks to a $30 million marketing push in 2012 ChristianMingle now has over 8 million registered members of whom 154,000 pay to subscribe. A large portion on these members live in the Midwest and Bible Belt areas. Over half of the members (55%) are 37 years or older and a quarter of members (25%) are over the age of 50. In the last quarter of 2012 the amount of subscribers grew by 89 percent when compared to the same quarter in 2011.

ChristianMingle’s objective is to create long-term focused relationships. Currently the site doesn’t allow gay Christians to join in an attempt to balance the interests of its members. Spark Networks which owns ChristianMingle does have other dating websites for LGBT singles which cater to a more casual relationships. ChristianMingle’s main competition in the Christian online dating niche is eHarmony and ChristianCafe.com.

For more on this story you can read Business Week and to find out more about this dating site you can read our ChristianMingle review.

Study Discovers The Dating Habits Of Senior Citizens

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  • Sunday, March 03 2013 @ 09:55 am
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  • Views: 3,766

Seniors are only interested in marriage, right?

Seniors don't care about sex, right?

And seniors definitely don't online date, right?

Wrong, wrong, and - you guessed it - wrong.

Matchmaker.com knows exactly what mature singles are up to, and it turns out they're not that much different from their younger counterparts.

First, let's clear up a few common misconceptions. Singles over the age of 55 represent 25% of Matchmaker.com's member base, so seniors definitely aren't shy about giving online dating a shot. And their attitudes toward dating, serious relationships, marriage, and sex might not be what you think.

On Marriage:

  • Most senior singles don't want to get married again. 80% of women and 75% of men are only in it for a serious relationship.
  • Children are sometimes the reason senior singles prefer to steer clear of new marriages. 30% of women are worried that a second marriage would hurt their kids. On the other hand, only 4% of male seniors are concerned about the same thing.
  • Men who don't want to get married again also say they don't think they could fall in love again (52%), are only interested in companionship (37%), and don't want to share their finances (7%).
  • Women's reasons for wanting to stay unmarried tend to be different. Most are only looking for an activity partner, others have fears regarding children, apprehensions around finances, and concerns that they can't fall in love again.

On Sex:

  • Sex doesn't fall by the wayside as singles get older. In fact, for many, it becomes more important than ever. The majority of single senior men (65%) say they are much more sexually active now than when they were married. A significant portion of single senior women (45%) agree.
  • 95% of senior men rank sex as "Very important" in their lives, followed by 5% who say it's "Somewhat important" and 0% who say it's "Not at all important."
  • Most senior women also consider sex "Very important" (85%), though some think it's "Not at all important" (10%) and others say it's "Somewhat important" (5%).

On Relationships:

  • Senior men are primarily looking for a serious relationship (75%). Marriage (15%), meeting a sexual partner (7%), and finding a companion for activities (3%) are less important goals.
  • Senior women are generally in agreement. Most want a serious relationship (80%), but some are looking for marriage (11%), companionship (7%), or a sexual partner (2%).

On Love:

  • Senior men are more romantic than senior women. 55% of men who want to get married are hoping to fall in love again. Comparatively, only 25% of mature female singles hope to fall in love with a new partner.
  • Companionship is also a powerful motivator for new relationships. 25% of men and 60% of women say it's what led them to online dating.

To find out more about the dating site which borught you this service you can read our Matchmaker review.

The New Formula For Finding Love

General News
  • Friday, March 01 2013 @ 10:47 am
  • Contributed by:
  • Views: 1,298

By now you're familiar with the idea that a formula can help you find love.

Except the formula you're thinking of is an online dating site's algorithm, and the formula I'm talking about is something you can do all on your own.

Rebounding from a bad breakup with a long-term boyfriend, Amy Webb decided to give online dating a try. Her first two dates left something to be desired. The first didn't offer to cover or split the bill, then lit up a joint on a public park bench. The other lied about being a surgeon.

Online dating horror stories are nothing new, but here's what is new about Amy's story: instead of blaming online dating, she realized the problem was her approach to it. Online dating algorithms rely entirely on user-generated data, which means bad data in, bad data out. Even the best algorithms can't match accurately if the profiles they're working with are bad.

Looking at her own profile, much of which was copied from her resume, Amy knew there was significant room for improvement. She designed an experiment to determine exactly what her profile needed to stand out.

First, she created a list of 72 "ideal husband" characteristics. Then, she assigned a weighted score to each characteristic and designed a system to evaluate potential dates based on their scores. Unless a man earned at least 700 points, the date was a no-go.

But that wasn't enough. Amy also wanted to see what life was like on the other side, so she created profiles based on 10 male archetypes and interacted with nearly 100 women over the course of a month. What she found, she wrote for CNN.com, was "astonishing."

For example, although lying about physical characteristics proved to be just as common as you think, most online daters aren't lying about the characteristics you expect them to. 96% of the women Amy interacted with claimed to be 5'1" - 5'3", in spite of the fact that the average height of an American woman is 5'4". Is it possible that everyone was telling the truth? Of course, but it's almost a statistical impossibility.

Amy also found that the most successful women were not afraid to be a little assertive. They responded to her messages with a casual "Hey" or "Hi there," followed by a small detail from her profile.

Armed with the findings from her experiment, Amy revamped her profile and gave online dating another try. More than 60 men responded to her optimized profile, but none earned the minimum score of 700 points. Finally, she met Brian - the man she went on to marry.

Stay tuned for Amy's new formula for finding love...

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