Tips

If you're single and dating, you're bound to get rejected. It's all part of the process, but most of the time it's hard not to take it personally. And if you've been the dumpee in a past relationship it can really put you on the defensive.

So what can you do to overcome those lingering feelings of self-doubt that result from bad break-ups in your past? What can you do to move on with confidence? It's not always easy. The tendency is to ask yourself, "why did this happen? Is something wrong with me?" You likely take that rejection into new relationships - wondering what happened when a new love interest doesn't call you back after a whirlwind romance. You may think you're the problem - and that you'll never meet anyone who sticks around. This kind of thinking affects your ability to trust, which isn't good for future relationship potential. Following are a few techniques to help you stop taking it personally to heal and move forward.

Nurture yourself. If you're hurting, acknowledge it so you can heal. This is especially true if you've been in a long-term relationship that ended badly. Rejection hurts, so the quicker you understand and accept your pain the faster you can move on. Go out with friends, take a trip, meditate, or find other ways to nurture and heal yourself.

Understand what you've learned. In most relationships, there were signs along the way that might have pointed you to problems, whether it was a lack of communication, commitment issues, or a stream of misunderstandings. Ask yourself the hard questions. Did you put up walls or get defensive? Did your partner have issues with commitment or control? Were you open and honest with each other, or did you tend to hide your true feelings to guard your heart? Whatever the case, see what you can learn from the experience. This knowledge will help you in future relationships.

Don't throw yourself into a relationship. If you're dating, don't stop seeing other people just because you went on a date with someone you find attractive. Chemistry is great, but it isn't the only barometer of a new relationship's potential. Lasting love isn't the same as instant romance, so don't put all your eggs in one basket. Relationships that last require you to get to know each other. Continue dating other people so that you aren't so focused on an end result, and can really get to know each other first.

Take risks. It's important to continue dating after rejection. Not every date is right for you (in fact, most aren't) - so it's important to keep moving forward. Talk to the woman in line next to you, or the neighbor you see walking his dogs every evening. Exchange contact information. If it doesn't work out, there's no harm done and it's not your fault - on to the next.

The right person is closer with every rejection. With every relationship (and with every rejection), you're closer to meeting the right person for you. Each relationship teaches us something about ourselves, whether it ended well or not. This makes you stronger and more certain of what you do want in a relationship. And better able to recognize it when love is right in front of you.

While I'm a huge advocate of keeping an open mind and giving everyone you date a real chance, there are some people you shouldn't waste anymore time and energy on. You know who I'm talking about. The guy who keeps you waiting for his call or the girl who makes you feel like it's a privilege to date her.

Rather than thinking you can change someone else, or that eventually things will change, maybe it's time to cut yourself some slack and break things off once and for all. If you find yourself meeting the following people more and more often, it's definitely time to break those bad habits and move on to a healthy relationship:

Can't make up his mind. One day he seems totally into you, but then he doesn't call or text and you find yourself on an emotional roller-coaster until you hear from him. You change plans to accommodate his schedule. If you find yourself going out of your way to see someone who isn't returning the favor, chances are he's blowing hot and cold and isn't interested in a relationship with you. Do yourself a favor and move on.

Only wants to "hang out." This girl likes to keep things casual. You may see her a few times a week, but not on weekends. She may make romantic gestures but be uncomfortable having an intimate conversation. Or maybe she invites her friends along whenever you're together. If it seems too casual for you, it probably is. She is either afraid to commit to a real relationship or she's not mature enough to handle one. Move on.

Self-absorbed. I think this is pretty self-explanatory. If someone is agreeable only to the extent that it suits him, then you're likely on a road to nowhere. If you're agreeing to only see movies he wants to see, or eat at the places he likes (with no consideration for you) - or if he talks about his own success or problems but rarely asks about yours - it might be time to walk away.

The black cloud. Are you dating someone who makes you want to watch a comedy show immediately after you see him? Or at least call a friend to help cheer you up? If you find yourself sapped of energy in your date's presence, it's not your responsibility to make him or her happy. This person is an energy sucker, and you don't have the time. Move on.

High maintenance. Does she seem to need more attention than what you're able to provide? Does she want expensive gifts or to be wined and dined? If she seems less interested in your genuine gestures of romance and more interested in what you can provide her, beware. She might never be satisfied, and that is not a good start to any relationship.

I don't advocate making snap judgments of your dates based on stereotypes. But if you're spending more time unhappy and confused in your relationship than anything else, there's something wrong. It's time to take a real look at what you want and what you're willing to put up with. It's time to make room for a healthy relationship.

You flirted around the punchbowl at your holiday office party, but you don't have the nerve to actually date him. Or maybe you got a little drunk with your cubicle mate and now you're too embarrassed to ask her out. You're aware of office gossip and the last thing you want to do is have a relationship with a co-worker - but you can't stop thinking about this person and what it would be like to date.

While I don't generally advocate dating where you pick up your paycheck, you have to follow your heart. But is your heart aware of the consequences? There are some considerations to make before deciding whether or not to go for office romance - namely how it can affect your job and potentially your career. You spend most of your time at work so it's only natural to form romantic ties there when you're single. But make sure you know what you want before you get involved. Following are some questions to ask:

How important is moving up in the company to you? If you're on the fast track to success, then you should carefully consider before you become intimate with anyone in your office - especially a boss or someone who works for you. The last thing you need is for others to consider any accolades or promotions you receive a favor. And you don't want to divulge any sensitive information that could be used against you later (scorned lovers, anyone?) You want to earn your success and be respected, so stick to dating outside of the office.

What are your company guidelines for dating? If there's an employee handbook, read it. Most companies have very specific policies on inter-office dating. Some have a zero tolerance level and others are more liberal. Know the rules before you try.

How would you handle rejection? If you get up the nerve to ask her out and she refuses, could you be comfortable working with her, or would your ego be too bruised? You know yourself well enough to decide. On the other hand, if you run from relationships and tend mostly towards one-night stands, you may not want to go searching for love in the office pool. Ask yourself if you'd want to see him or her every day after a fling is over, and then decide.

How focused are you on your career? Do you spend most nights in the office gearing up for the next project, or do you head out at six? If your love interest has the same work habits as you, great - but if she doesn't, there may be conflict when it comes to making it work. Make sure you both know each other's goals before you start.

Would you be willing to give up your job? If things take a wrong turn and you break up while you're still working together, it could put a strain on your productivity and focus, and ultimately your job. If you want to stay in your current position, don't do anything to risk losing it. If you're not all that enthralled and would welcome a job move, then ask her out.

You've been dating a charming and attractive guy for several weeks. When you're together, everything is great and you have a lot of fun. But when you're apart, you wonder if he feels the same way you do - and you're ready for some kind of commitment. Maybe you're even afraid to discuss where the relationship is going, because you don't know what he thinks or what he wants.

Even though you don't want to let go of a good thing, it's good to give yourself a little reality check to make sure you're both on the same page and not wasting each other's time. Following are some ways to tell whether he's really into you and thinks of you as his girlfriend, or if you're in the "friends with benefits" or casual dating zone:

He doesn't ask you out on weekends. If you only seem to go out on Tuesday or Wednesday nights, or he calls at the last minute and expects you to drop everything to meet him, he doesn't think of you as girlfriend material.

He doesn't introduce you to family or friends. If he's keeping you separated from his day-to-day existence (interaction with good friends and family), he's likely not interested in a relationship. Men are usually eager to introduce a new girlfriend around. If he does take you along to meet his friends - but introduces you by your first name without attempting to explain your relationship - likely he only views you as a friend or casual acquaintance.

He doesn't show you his place. Is he making excuses why he won't invite you over to see where he lives? Chances are he's not all that interested in bringing you into his world.

You get late night booty calls. If you find he calls you late at night to get together more often than not, chances are he doesn't see you as a girlfriend, but a convenience. Don't be so available.

It's hard to schedule time together. If he seems to always be busy, or if you have to make plans several days in advance to meet for something as simple as dinner or drinks, something is amiss. When men are interested, they cancel their other plans and go out of their way to see the object of their affection. If he gets flustered about changing his schedule or is hard to pin down, likely he's not viewing you as girlfriend material but as a back-up plan.

You feel uncomfortable talking about your relationship. If you're afraid to ask him what he wants or how he feels, it's not a good sign. If you've been dating several weeks or even months and he squirms whenever you bring up the subject, that's a red flag - likely he only sees you as a temporary fling.

No surprises. If you were to show up at his work with a picnic basket to surprise him with lunch, would he be upset? If he seems to blow hot and cold - happy when you're together on his terms but cold when you call and interrupt what he's doing - this is also a red flag. He doesn't see you as a girlfriend, so take heart and move on.

People want a lot of things in the new year...better jobs, better pay, better bodies...but what about better dates?

Let's face it - meeting a date in person after meeting them online doesn't always go the way we plan. They're too tall, they're too short, they're too young, they're too old, they wore the wrong thing, they have the wrong job, or they're just plain boring...and then we feel obligated to sit through the interminable dinner or cup of coffee with someone we're not interested in out of politeness. Every online dater has had wasted dates, but you don't have to have wasted dates anymore.

Here are four things you can do to have better dates in 2012, even if you don't find yourself doing dinner and a movie with the guy or gal of your dreams:

1. Stop worrying about whether or not they'll like you. Instead of stressing out over what your date will think of you, ask yourself the opposite question: Will I like my date? That way you won't be trying to read your date's mind, you won't stress out over something that's not in your control anyway, and you'll stay focused on whether or not you want to see your date again, which is what really matters in the long run.

2. Focus on the positives. You won't click with every person you meet, but that's ok. Enjoy the experience for what it is - a chance to get to know someone new - and focus on the positives. Find three things you genuinely like about the other person, like their sense of style, beautiful eyes, or professional ambition, and compliment them sincerely.

3. Let go of expectations. Don't let it ruin your day if your date doesn't appear to be your soulmate within ten minutes of meeting them. Relax and open your mind to experiencing whatever happens. Even if you don't want to pursue a romantic relationship with your date, it may turn into something else fruitful like a friendship or a business contact.

4. Think of it as an opportunity. So your date didn't work out this time, but it was still a valuable learning experience. Practice your conversation skills and think about what you can learn from this experience that might help you choose better dates in the future. What did it teach you about dating? About men and women? About yourself?

And remember: every date that's wrong for you leads you one step closer to the date that's right for you. Put your head in the right place and 2012 can be a year that's bad-date-free.

Being single can mean many things. Some singles are looking for a long-term relationship, while others are looking for a rebound after a bad break-up. Still others are looking for exciting ways to spend their time while they are focusing on other priorities, like a career. So it's a mistake to think that everyone you date is on the same page. There is too much gray area.

So what do you do if you're attracted to someone, but are unsure of what they want? Do you keep dating them in the hopes that they will one day proclaim their love, or do you tread carefully and hope they don't want anything too serious right now?

The answer is - stop trying to figure out what your date wants out of a relationship. Figure out what you want. It's crucial to understand where exactly you are in terms of the level of commitment you want in a relationship, so don't kid yourself about it. You could be sending out your own mixed signals.

If you think you want a long-term relationship and eventually even marriage, but you're scared of giving up your personal freedom and career goals, you may be hesitant to fully commit to anyone. Instead of keeping yourself at a distance by maintaining your independent lifestyle and working long hours, be honest with yourself and see if you are willing to fit a relationship into the picture. I'm not saying to sacrifice independence or career success, but with relationships come compromise. Be sure you're willing to make some before you start down that path. And be sure you're willing to state your needs to your partner so he isn't left wondering - which means really knowing what you want.

Another scenario: If you jump from relationship to relationship in the hopes that the right partner won't act so "needy," you might also be putting up stumbling blocks that you're not aware of. If you keep falling for people who expect more from you than you're willing to give, ask yourself why. Are you giving too much too soon in your relationships, and later becoming resentful? Are you compromising your needs for their happiness? Are you looking for someone who needs you or looks up to you rather than someone who is equally independent? If you feel trapped or that too many expectations have been placed on you, take a step back. See what you can change in your behavior. Are you communicating your needs? Are you being true to yourself, or living up to someone else's expectations? Do you really want a long-term relationship at all?

There's a balance that comes with relationships. It's essential to know what you want and also that you're willing to compromise before entering into anything serious. It's also essential to communicate so you and your date are on the same page - and it's okay to take things one step at a time.