You'd think that self-confidence would be a positive trait in dating. It takes a certain amount of assurance to approach a stranger and ask them out. And dating experts around the world agree – confidence is one of the most attractive (not to mention useful) traits a person can have.
But there happens to be one group for whom that seemingly obvious insight is not true: college-age men. According to research led by Carnegie Mellon University’s Emily Yeh, young men who are overconfident see less success using OkCupid.
Yeh's findings, presented at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology’s annual meeting in San Diego, mirror some of OkCupid's own data. The site asks users to score themselves on a variety of factors, including intelligence and height. Many rate themselves as being smarter, taller, etc., than average, and not necessarily because they're consciously lying. Instead they fall victim to “illusory superiority,” a psychological phenomenon that describes people's natural tendency to believe they are better than average.
Then again, no one is shocked at the thought of users lying on dating sites to attract more suitors. It's basic survival. Instead, Yeh decided to take things further and study how overconfidence relates to success on OkCupid. She asked participants to rate their level of self-confidence, then compared their answers to their “success” on the site (defined as things like length of conversation and frequency of first contacts). She focused her research on two age groups: 18-22 and 45-55.
Yeh's initial findings were not surprising. Individuals with higher self-reported confidence also initiated more conversations, regardless of gender or age group. But when it came to receiving messages, the results began to vary. The older age group and younger women received more messages if they considered themselves highly confident. “The more confident you are, the more messages you get,” Yeh told New York magazine.
Younger men, on the other hand, had the opposite experience. “The more modest the male is, the more messages they receive,” Yeh said. Young men who reported less confidence in the initial survey were also less likely to develop a first message into an extended conversation.
What could explain Yeh's findings? She suggests that “it could mean, perhaps as you get older, you start to have more concrete measures of how confident you are.” As you mature, you have a greater number of real achievements under your belt and with those achievements comes both a clearer sense of what you can accomplish and a stronger belief in yourself.
Younger daters may feel confident, but not yet have much to back that confidence up. Either that means they're making missteps they wouldn't make if they were more cautious, or their false bravado is clear to potential dates who are turned off by it. Either way, the end message is clear: college guys need to give the overconfidence a rest if they want to score.
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