General News

A new crop of dating apps are positioning themselves for the needs of the ever-changing online dating market by declaring themselves “Anti-Tinder” apps. And it seems people are ready to welcome something new.

Despite the popularity of Tinder, there’s been a big backlash against this type of “hot-or-not” dating app. The world of online dating has become bigger and easier to join, and as a result, daters jump from one profile to the next, on a seemingly endless search for someone "better." In other words, daters are fast adapting an ADD mentality towards dating. The attention span of most daters is about as long as it takes to swipe left.

If you like the results that you’ve achieved through Tinder, you can stop reading this now. However, most of the people I’ve talked to like the accessibility of Tinder, but they don’t like the endless stream of matches that go nowhere beyond a couple of texts.

Enter the latest “Anti-Tinder” dating app Talk or Not. Talk or Not hides the photos of its users so matches aren’t made by looks alone. According to its release, it allows users more control by “revealing user photos piece by piece only when a conversation is mutually exchanged.” In other words, you get to see if someone is hot or not only after you have a conversation.

Talk or Not was developed by graphic designer Britney Bachmann and content specialist Garrett Shawstad, who were both online dating and wanted a different experience than what Tinder provided. “It’s an odd thing to put yourself out there for the world to see,” said Shawstad, summing up the need for more privacy and selectiveness when it comes to online dating.

But Talk or Not isn’t the first app to compete with the likes of Tinder by putting conversation before photos. Dating app Willow, launched back in August of last year, is the creation of 23-year-old Michael Brunch, who also wanted to create an app with a “talk first, reveal photos later” philosophy. “We believe the best way to get to know someone, and find out whether you like them, is by talking to them,” the app’s website states. “A good relationship begins with a good conversation.”

Twine Canvas, launched in early 2014 also hides the photos of its users to be revealed once a connection is made. Rather than focus on conversation however, it is more visually-based, encouraging users to post photos of what they are interested in and let connections flow from there. Even dating app Anomo lets users hide their photos behind avatars, only revealing what they actually look like when they feel comfortable enough with a match.

Is more privacy a good thing when it comes to online dating, or just another marketing gimmick? It’s hard to tell at this point – but one thing is for sure: you can’t tell if there is attraction with potential matches until you meet in real life. So maybe instead of all the games, you cut to the chase sooner rather than later to determine if you’re a good fit.

The rise in popularity of Bye Felipe isn’t accidental – it’s due to more and more women speaking out about unwanted or even abusive messages they receive through dating apps and online dating sites.

Online dating has become mainstream, thanks to the rise in popularity of dating apps like Tinder, which have made it easier to meet people now more than ever. However, along with all of these new opportunities (and new people joining the game) come some unwanted messages and trolls looking for a platform to vent their anger rather than connect with someone.

Most of us (especially women) have been subjected to some unwanted or even abusive behavior online. We receive messages propositioning for sex without even meeting face-to-face first, or abusive messages claiming that we are untrustworthy, shallow, ugly, etc. from men we’ve only exchanged a couple of text messages with. This can be shocking, hurtful, and even scary – turning many victims off of online dating altogether.

It’s only natural for online daters to wonder what exactly they are signing up for when they experience this kind of abusive behavior.

Unfortunately, because some people are skeptical of the effectiveness of online dating, a few abusive emails are enough to write off the whole practice. But this is the wrong approach. It’s better instead to look at online dating as a whole, rather than just its worst aspects (and worst customers).

Instead of looking at all the online connections that are positive (or even ordinary), we tend to focus on the messages that have been upsetting, suggestive, and otherwise unwanted. We dwell on the negative, confirming our fears about meeting people online. But the truth is, millions of matches are made every day with no abuse, and no fanfare either. The vast majority of matches are between ordinary people looking for real-life relationships. If we get caught up in the actions of a small percentage of trolls, we miss opportunities.

We should not ignore the problem. Clearly, online dating sites have to clean up the process to be able to filter out this kind of bad behavior. A lot more work needs to be done.

But if you want a chance to meet people outside of your current networks of friends, family and co-workers, online dating is your best opportunity. But be smart in your approach. Research different websites and apps. Obviously apps like Tinder are very popular, but that means they also attract a lot of dating trolls. If you are looking for something more serious, you might want to invest in a site like eHarmony where there is more of a screening process among users.

Don’t give up on online dating because of a few bad apples. Give it another chance. Try a new site. Ask your friends to help. These small steps should help you improve your overall experience. For more information on the services mentioned you can read our Tinder review and our eHarmony review.

Another year, another crop of studies trying to solve the problems of online dating. Maybe I shouldn't get so into them, but I can't help it. If science can help us get even a little bit closer to finding love, I'm all for it. The end of 2014 and beginning of 2015 predictably brought on a slew of new research with some interesting insights to share.

One study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences found something that's unlikely to surprise you: men who post more selfies to social media sites are more narcissistic.

The research uncovered a connection between a penchant for posting selfies and four personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy and self-objectification. Narcissism and psychopathy were both linked to the number of selfies posted, while narcissism and self-objectification appeared to influence the tendency for men to edit photos of themselves online.

Are you debating joining an online dating site? You’re in luck. Now’s the best time to take the plunge.

According to Zoosk, Match.com and Plenty of Fish (the sites that arguably see the most traffic), the Sunday after New Year’s is the biggest day of the year for online dating – with more people logging in and signing up than any other time. While that day has come and gone – at least for 2015 - the excitement hasn’t. The days between New Year’s Day and February 14^th are the peak days of the year for online dating, so it’s not too late.

As it turns out, there’s something about this time of the year that causes people to make changes in their lives, or at least try something new. According to Facebook, January is the month when we see the most relationship status changes (and coincidentally when the most divorce papers are filed). On the flip side, the peak season for engagements is around the holidays, so don’t feel it’s all about “out with the old.”

Another unusual New Years’ trend – there are more conceptions and more condom sales in January than any other time of the year, according to a recent article in The Washington Post. And according to researchers, there’s a post-holiday spike in searches for porn.

While we can attribute it to the post-holiday slump, the weather, or maybe just the thought of the year stretched out in front of us, with summer months so far away – there seems to be something else going on. We want a change. We want our lives to improve. We want more happiness, more excitement, more adventure. We don’t want to feel stuck.

So when the New Year rolls around, we break up with a significant other, we decide to move in with a girlfriend, or we go looking for the right person on an online dating site. We buy gym memberships, take that pilates or yoga class, start that new diet, and in general, try to make some significant changes. The New Year gives us a chance to start again, to wipe the slate clean.

Which is why people might feel more inclined to online date – after all, it takes courage. Perhaps they were waiting for the right time or situation. Or maybe they decide this time will be different. Regardless, you’re in good company. You’ll probably run into a lot of other people trying it for the first time – or maybe the first time in a long while.

Happy dating in 2015!

Single Man, Married Man – a new book written by a group of men specifically for single women – proclaims to offer brutally honest advice for women who are looking to get hitched.

The book has outraged many feminists, and for good reason. Some of the advice offered in the book includes this as fact: “all men” want to get married – if they tell you otherwise, they are “lying.” Another piece of advice from one of the book’s single authors: “No matter where a woman is in life, she should always be able to cater to her man’s needs.” A divorced co-author advises that when a man gets his ego stroked, he will be more inclined to love you.

The book also offers reasons why a man you are dating isn’t taking the relationship to the next level – namely, that it’s your fault. One author writes: “It takes a lot to hold their attention, and men tend to lose interest in romantic partners when they stop being, well... interesting.”

In other words, women need to start giving more massages, complaining less, and stroking their guys’ egos a lot more often. Then they will more likely convince their men to put a ring on it. (Speaking of Beyonce, one of the writers even suggests keeping Destiny’s Child’s “Cater 2 U” on repeat on your playlist).

The book is certainly gaining a lot of attention in the press because of its apparent sexism, and its authors maintain that it is “brutally honest” because they want to help women. Two of the main authors spent three years interviewing more than 300 men online and in person to arrive at their conclusions, so they stand by them.

So what does this mean? Should women take a step back and consider catering more to the men in their lives? Or should the guys who authored this book admit that creating a controversial book would help them sell more copies?

The truth is, no matter how many people you interview, or how much research you do, or how many coaching sessions you conduct, dating is still mysterious and fickle for everyone. Some tactics work with some people, others don’t. Some people have chemistry together, others don’t. You can’t force a relationship to move forward if that’s not what it is meant to do. There are no tricks. Dating is much more nuanced and individual. Blanket advice of how each gender should behave doesn’t really move the conversation – or the dating scene itself - forward.

So as much as we take dating advice from many sources, we should also be discerning. If something doesn’t feel right to you, pay attention. If you’re working too hard to try and “make things work” with your current love, maybe it is time to let go. To find out more about the book "Single Man, Married Man" you can check out the authors website.

If you are among the 150,000 Tinder users in Ireland, your chances of finding a match are only one in a hundred - or about 1% - according to a new study.

Researchers for Ipsos MRBI, who surveyed people living in Ireland who say they use Tinder, discovered that dating app users’ chances for finding someone they click with are not that much greater than randomly meeting people at bars and pubs. In fact, the odds may be less favorable with apps, likely because there is the perception of browsing through a seemingly infinite number of eligible singles each time you log on to the app, making commitment seem unappealing. The more choices you have, the less willing you become to settle for just one person.

There is an addictive quality to apps like Tinder, according to its own figures. The average Tinder user spends between an hour and 90 minutes using the app every day, logging in 11 times. There are also an estimated 50 million active users of Tinder, compared to 864 million active Facebook users and 300 million active Twitter users – proving that the dating app has as much power to hold users’ attention as the major social media platforms.

Part of the reason for its low percentage of matches might be Tinder’s demographic, at least in Ireland - preferred mainly among fickle twenty-somethings who log on to the app several times a day. Only 12% of Irish Tinder users are between ages 35 and 44, and for those between 45 and 54, the number goes down to 3%.

Men are also less picky than women when it comes to saying yes to a dating app match. According to the study, they are three times more likely (46%) to swipe “like” on a woman’s profile whereas only 14% of women say yes to a man’s profile. The study also shows however that women invest a little more thought and time - women spend 8.5 minutes reading profiles on Tinder each time they log in, compared to a man’s 7.2 minutes (which are spent swiping).

So what does this mean for daters? The U.K. might not be much different from Tinder users all over the world. There is an accessibility and ease to the app, which has made it extremely popular and given its users a lot of options when it comes to meeting new people. But just like flipping through magazine pictures, sometimes it’s easier to just look at more photos than to reach out and contact someone, even if you find them intriguing. The real test is – can Tinder translate to real-world relationships?

Maybe your chances are about the same on Tinder as they are at your local bar. But until you reach out to try and meet in real life, you won’t know.