General News

Popular news comedy television show The Daily Show covered an interesting topic recently – sexual racism in online dating. In the segment, produced by Jessica Williams (Daily Show correspondent) and Ronny Chieng, the two explore what this term means, and how it affects so many online daters.

There are definitely racial stereotypes when it comes to sex and dating, both overt and subtle. Most of us think of attraction in terms of physical preferences. Many women prefer tall men or strong biceps for instance. Lots of guys prefer thin women, or women with blonde hair. Physical appearances are important in attraction, so it seems to follow that many daters would state their racial preferences on an online dating site, too.

But as the segment pointed out, having race preference in dating is a kind of racial discrimination. While you might prefer tall men or blonde women, chances are you are willing to date those who aren’t, or at least consider dating them. Many daters however refuse to date outside of their own racial preferences, going so far as to state in their online dating profiles that they won’t date people of a certain race.

This is where the term “sexual racism” comes in. Williams and Chieng interviewed Zach Stafford, a writer for The Guardian who noted: “When someone says something like, ‘I don’t date black people,’ talking about all black people, that would be referred to as sexual racism.”

There are some stereotypes that persist in American culture about who is considered “beautiful.” And some races are viewed in a negative way, especially African American women and Asian men.

Williams and Chieng also interviewed OkCupid Founder Christian Rudder, who studied many online dating trends for his book Dataclysm, race preferences included. “There is kind of a systemic racial bias pretty much in every dating site I’ve ever looked at,” Rudder said in his interview. “We found that 82 percent of non-black men have some bias against black women… And Asian men get the fewest messages and the worst ratings of any group of guys.”

For black women, there is the cultural perception among non-black men that they are not as pretty as white women. While this sounds hard to believe, in the segment, some daters admitted to receiving texts and messages saying just that. And for Asian men, the stereotype that many aren’t sexually endowed persists, despite it being a stereotype, making them the least messaged group on any dating app or site.

In fact, Williams posted a profile of Chieng on numerous dating apps to see what happened. She swiped right for every profile he was sent. He received no messages or matches in return, proving Rudder’s assertion correct.

Have you encountered sexual racism in online dating? How have you responded? We’d love to know – please leave a comment or send us an email.

 

Tinder has just released an update to its app. Now, Tinder users in New York City (where the new feature is being tested) can play "matchmaker" with other users by sharing profiles in their social networks outside of Tinder.

WIth the new feature, these users can share profiles of other users on messaging apps like Slack, Evernote, and Gmail, or social platforms like Linked In, Tumblr, GroupMe, and Wunderlist. Tinder users however are not able to share profiles over Facebook.

In theory, a matchmaking feature on Tinder makes sense because of the sheer volume of users - it expands your network and opportunities even more. The downside of this latest update is that other people on Tinder can take your profile, post and share it wherever they want, and you have no control.

People post their profiles on Tinder knowing that other users of the app can swipe and accept or reject them, but like with online dating sites where users don't necessarily want their work colleagues or family members to know they are signed up - swiping and matching has always been done within the confines of the app. Even though you sign up on Tinder with your Facebook account, and photos are pulled from your Facebook page, your activity on Tinder isn’t posted to your Facebook account for all to see. The two are kept separate for privacy. 

Our work and love lives have generally been kept separate for good reason. Let’s say you have a business meeting with some important clients, who are connected through your boss (and to you) on a platform like Slack or LinkedIn. You probably wouldn’t want them to know how you present yourself on a dating app – as it could be very different from your professional persona. In Slack, you can send a Tinder profile you received to your entire work team if you want. In LinkedIn, you can share the Tinder profile with the general LinkedIn public. (This might make for a good revenge plot if you are upset with a co-worker or an ex girlfriend.)

If you share over Wunderlist, you can essentially make the profile you are sharing part of your “to-do” list. If you want to save and read someone’s profile later, you can do this when you share with Pocket.

Once you share a profile, the recipient gets a link to open the profile in Tinder. If they don’t have an account, they are prompted to join in order to view. (The shared links expire after 72 hours or five clicks, so at least there is a limit on sharing one profile.)

New York is a testing ground for this app feature, so it might be tweaked before it’s launched to other cities.

Will this new feature work for Tinder users? It's hard to tell, but it definitely will make online dating not only more interconnected, but more complicated. When you blur the lines between public and personal and don't give people the capacity to maintain some control over their own profiles, chances are, they won't stick around.

 

eHarmony is offering free communication from Wednesday May 25th to Monday May 30th, 2016. This long weekend event is available in the United States and celebrates Memorial Day.

eHarmony is the perfect online dating service for singles looking for long-term relationships. You can join via their website or dating apps which are found on iTunes and Android. Once you have created a free memberships all you need to do is then take the personality questionnaire before you can receive your matches. This takes most people between 30 and 40 minutes to complete. The questionnaire doesn't all have to be completed at once since you can save the questions you have answered and come back later to finish. Most questions are of the multiple choice variety.

After the questionnaire is finished you will receive your first set of matches. You can then go ahead and review your matches and start the communication process (which includes emails) with the ones you like. The great thing with free communication weekends is you know everyone can reply to your messages. These events also do not require a credit card so their is no cost or obligation to start a subscription. Every day or so you can expect a new batch of matches to arrive to your eHarmony account. Free communication events do not include photos, skipping the guided communication process or secure call (a phone feature). For access to these features you will need to purchase an eHarmony subscription.

For more about this popular online matchmaking service, you can read our eHarmony review.

Are you a Republican or Democrat? According to a study by dating website Match, most people looking to date wouldn’t care one way or another, but something has changed in 2016, and people are becoming more polarized and politically active.  

Perhaps it’s the entertainment aspect that Donald Trump has brought to the campaign trail, or the enthusiastic support of Bernie Sanders among young liberal voters, but something has shifted in the collective American psyche---so much so, that it has inspired two new dating apps.

So now the question has become: Are you a fan of Bernie Sanders, or not a fan of Donald Trump? Regardless of how you feel, there are two new dating sites you should know about.

Bernie Singles launched a few months back, when app developers found that there was a real market for young activists looking to meet each other – for friendship or something more. It seemed that many Bernie Sanders fans on Facebook were eager to meet like-minded activists in person, and there was an instant show of support for the dating app.

Bernie Singles definitely embraces the progressive slant of the candidate who first inspired it. When you join, you can register as male, female, genderqueer or transgender - and as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, queer or asexual. There’s no gender bias, which also seems to be a good selling point.

In fact, so many people downloaded it when it first launched that the site crashed in the first week. Several thousand have joined to date.

Not to ignore the dating app potential with the current political groundswell of young activists, there will soon be an app for those looking to avoid a Trump Presidency. Maple Match, whose tagline is “Make Dating Great Again” – a play on Trump’s campaign slogan of “Make America Great Again” – has been making headlines with the announcement of its product, coming soon to market.  The app promises to find Americans who are looking to flee a potential Trump Presidency some Canadian matches. Even before its launch, 5,000 people have signed up for the site.

As it turns out, Trump isn’t the only reason Americans want to flee the country. According to a recent interview in The Guardian, Joe Goldman, Maple Match’s founder said: "This site shows that a lot of people are frustrated with the current dating options. A lot of Americans really want to meet Canadians. They're looking for something new and something better."

Bernie Singles is coy in its approach, noting on its website: “The one percent aren’t the only ones getting screwed this election season!” 

Either way, politics has entered the mix in online dating. We'll see what happens in 2017.

Badoo recently launched a photo verification feature which asks new users to verify their profile by sending one to Badoo of them performing a specific gesture which allows a Badoo moderator to compare the person in the photo with the rest of the users photos. If they matched then the photo's and profile for that member is deemed verified.

Last week Badoo let us know that they have added a new feature to their iOS and Android dating apps which allows users to upload 15 second video clips. Before going live the video will be reviewed for inappropriate content by one of Badoo's 5,000 moderators (the same ones which review photos). Badoo decided to add this feature because videos allows online daters to get a sense of what the person they are interested is like. You can expect to see video's from members which show their sense of humor, creative skills, unique quirks, and other insights from the member.

For more about this dating service you can read our review of Badoo.

Some break-ups are worse than others, but all break-ups can take a toll on our mental and emotional state. How many times have you chosen to distract yourself from the pain and sadness you feel? Probably more than you think – sometimes by going out with friends, drinking, or having sex, and other times by throwing yourself into work, a hobby or a new fitness routine.

Now, more and more of us are turning to dating apps to swipe and feel that little “rush” from matching with a new profile or engaging in some flirtatious messaging. And why not? It’s healthy to flirt, to meet new people, right?

Not necessarily. Using dating apps as a distraction – to swipe through endless profiles – can work against you and delay the healing process after a break-up. As a writer for website Bustle described it: “An unexpected match with an attractive guy would briefly pull me out from under the cloud of sadness, and it validated my future dating potential in the most superficial way possible. At the time, I knew that it was wrong for the approval of random strangers to mean more to me than the unconditional support from my friends and family, but I didn't want to stop swiping: the next match could always be better than the last…After the fleeting glow from a witty text exchange faded, the positive feelings about myself did, too.”

Distracting ourselves isn’t always the best thing for getting over a break-up. Healing is a process – it’s good to feel your emotions and come to terms with your broken heart. Healthy transformation comes from this process of sitting with pain so we can let go and move on. Distraction only serves to delay our healing.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s good to throw yourself into something healthy, like joining a new running group or growing that garden you always wanted. But when you try and ignore your feelings, opting for quick fixes like the rush from swiping through a dating app, it can backfire.

The “high” you feel from superficial interaction is fleeting, and can leave you feeling worse than you did before – and more likely to swipe. In fact, swiping can become a validation exercise, rather than a healthy way to meet dates. You don’t want to confuse the app itself with your ability to connect with people.

Our self worth doesn’t come from how many matches or messages we get, or how many opportunities we have to meet new people. We have to feel grounded in ourselves – confident in our abilities, independence, and worthiness – rather than dependent on what others think – especially random strangers over text.

So next time you are tempted to login to Tinder after a break-up because you are in desperate need of distraction or validation, call your friend and go out for dinner instead. You’ll be happier and healthier in the long run.