Communication

Women aren’t the only mysterious creatures around – guys can be every bit as baffling when it comes to dating. One minute you think he’s interested, and the next you wonder if you imagined your mutual attraction as he suddenly disappears.

While some questions might go unanswered, if he’s truly interested in you – he sticks around. With my significant other, I had no doubts about his interest (as I had with previous men who were incredible flaky). That’s because he knew what he wanted - and he let me know.

Instead of trying to convince yourself he likes you, see if he’s displaying the following signs of his interest. Then you’ll really know:

He pursues you. We might be living in a society where women are increasingly the pursuers and taking charge, but if a man is interested, he wants to pursue a woman. He will call you, text you, remind you that he’s thinking about you by keeping consistent contact with you. This is because he’s focused on the goal – getting together with you. If he’s dropping in and out, he’s just not that interested.

He keeps his word. Does he often flake at the last minute? Chances are you aren’t one of his priorities. If he’s really interested, he will make time for you and when he makes plans he will follow through. If an emergency comes up, he will call you to reschedule. He doesn’t mess around or leave you hanging.

He pays attention to you. Does your guy look around the room when you’re out on dates, seeing who else might be there? If he’s truly interested, his eyes will be focused on you. He wants you to know that he’s interested – that he doesn’t want other guys taking his place. He’s not interested in what he’s missing, either. He listens to what you have to say and engages you in conversation.

He wants you to meet his friends and family. This might not be true in the beginning of the relationship, but as it progresses, he will want to bring you into his world. If he makes excuses about introducing you to friends and family after you’ve been dating a couple of months, it might be that he has someone else in his life or that he’s not interested in anything serious.

He’s affectionate. While some women think men are all about sex, the men who are interested in you are focused on other things, too – like showing you affection. If he grabs your hand in public or kisses you without an ulterior motive, then he’s showing you his affection. Enjoy it!

Related Article: 5 Ways to Tell if She’s Interested in You

BroApp

Let’s say you want to keep your girlfriend’s interest but don’t want to invest the time to text her sweet or flirtatious messages. Turns out, there’s an app for that -  BroApp, a new dating app that calls itself “your clever relationship wingman,” can help you out.

With inspiration presumably drawn from guys who didn’t want to deal with the lofty expectations of girlfriends to text every now and then, the BroApp automatically messages your girlfriend sweet things at the times you request. Of course, you can be creative and write your own texts which are stored in the app and doled out at the appropriate times. But the goal isn’t to win her heart over – it’s so you can free yourself up to spend more time with your bros.

The app has a few complications figured out, too. It will not send messages if it detects that you are at your girlfriend's house (by being connected to her WiFi), or if you have recently messaged her on your own. Well, at least there’s that.

It's the stuff of romantic movies: the story of two best friends who are secretly in love and seem perfect for each other - the same hobbies, interests, and maybe even career - but they are too afraid to reveal their feelings. Of course in the movies, they end up falling in love and everything works out perfectly, and all of their friends and family wonder what took so long. But in real life, it's not so easy.

Friendships and love are a tricky mix. Many people don't want to risk losing the friendship just to see if they can be in a relationship together, so they choose to remain silent. What happens if you reveal your feelings and your friend rejects you? If one person doesn't feel the same about the other, can things go back to the way they were? It's hard to remain friends if a romantic relationship doesn't work out. It can be awkward for both of you to carry on as though nothing has changed.

On the other hand, it's likely that your feelings don't live in a bubble, and that maybe your friend has gotten a hint from you from time to time that you might be interested. Maybe both of you have refused to talk about it.

I think more often than not, the truth will eventually come out, because it's hard to hide growing feelings of love. It's good to be prepared to face your feelings about your friend and be honest with him about how you feel. Otherwise, you can't move on with your own life.

If you're wondering what to do, following are some questions you can ask yourself to see if a romance with your friend is something you'd like to pursue.

Does he talk to you about his dating life? If he's confiding in you about the women he dates - what sex with them is like, how he feels about them, what romantic gestures he wants to make, likely he feels that you are nothing more than a friend. If he mentions "you're like a sister to me," then this is another sign he isn't thinking about you in a romantic way. If you want to preserve your friendship, it's probably best to move on.

Do you feel that you can be in a long-term relationship with him? Sometimes we mistake feelings of attraction towards friends of the opposite sex for real love. Maybe you're physically attracted to him and want to see what it would be like to have sex, but you're not interested in anything long-term. Do you want to end your friendship over a curiosity? Make sure you know what you want first.

What would you do if it didn't work out? Sometimes friends embark on a romantic relationship, only to realize that it's not working as they hoped. What would you do after a break-up? Could you go back to being friends? Would you be at peace with taking a break and not seeing him for a while? Be reasonable about your expectations.

The scenario: You've been on a fantastic date with someone you find incredibly attractive. You both flirted, kissed, talked with each other all night - you know that there was a spark between you. So, you send him a text telling him what a great time you had, expecting another date to follow. Then there's silence.

After a few hours, then a few days, you start to panic. You wonder if something happened to him, if he got busy with work, or there was a family emergency - because there's no way he wouldn't call to ask you out again! You were both on the date, and there was chemistry between you. So why isn't he calling?

While it may surprise you that you're not hearing back, it's not uncommon. Not every fabulous date leads to another, which can be hurtful and make us cynical about love. But instead of racking your brain trying to make excuses for him or figure out what went wrong, the answer is typically clearer than we think. Following are five reasons he didn't call you:

He's not that interested. Remember the book and movie "He's Just Not that Into You?" Well, it's very true for the most part. Men know what they like, and when they are interested, they pursue. Some dates can be fun, but that doesn't mean he felt the same way you did. There's no shame in that. It's best to stop making assumptions about what should happen next and move on.

He's seeing other people. Some guys have trouble figuring out what they want, so they end up dating several women at once. This isn't a bad thing, after all, you just met. Both of you should be dating a lot of people. Instead of figuring out what his intentions or motivations are, try focusing on your own dating life. Schedule more dates, meet more people. If you reconnect, great - and if not, then you are moving on anyway.

Your expectations didn't match his. Maybe you thought it was an incredible date, and that you deserve a chance at being his girlfriend. Maybe you envisioned your romantic future together - a proposal, or some exotic getaways. Don't place such huge expectations on someone after a first date. Remember, you don't know him yet. You have no idea if he's boyfriend material, or if he wants to be. Even if there's chemistry, take things slowly at the beginning so you can get to know each other. If he drops out of the picture, that's all you need to know about him.

He met someone else. This happens often, especially when you're online dating. It's so easy to meet new people, he could have moved on to the next woman an hour after dropping you off. You don't know what's going on in his life, but if he's not interested enough to call you, then let him go.

He doesn't want a relationship. Some men take a while to get over an ex-girlfriend. He might want to hook up with you, but he doesn't want another relationship, at least for a while. Or perhaps he's focused on work and doesn't want to make time for a relationship. Either way, he's not relationship material.

Try not to take it personally. It's easy to wonder what you did wrong, but most of the time, it's not about you. If a man is interested and ready to pursue a relationship, he will. In the meantime, don't chase the wrong ones.

Everyone agrees that dating requires a lot of confidence. However, ending an old relationship - no matter the circumstances - can drain you of confidence rather quickly. If your last relationship wasn’t “successful,” you think, why should the next one be? What if the last several relationships haven’t worked out - is there a pattern? What should you do?

There’s nothing wrong with a little self-reflection; indeed, it’s possible that in the past there was a negative pattern in the relationships you chose. But self-reflection is not the same as beating yourself up, nor should it be. Sometimes relationships simply end. Often there’s fault on both ends. The fact remains, whatever the circumstances, you will never be in that exact relationship again.

Think about that statement: Every relationship is unique, a combination of two unique individuals and a very specific time and place, so you will never be in that exact relationship again. Thus, you can take away a lesson you’ve learned, but you will not be able to use that relationship as a template for the future. It doesn’t matter if the next relationship is your first or your fiftieth; everyone enters the game with varying communication skills, innate intuition and experience, but to a certain extent, everyone is also starting fresh, with a clean slate.

Your new partner is an entirely different person, and you may need to learn new methods of communication or affection. You’ll form new jokes and new familiarities. Some aspects may be similar to past experiences, but others will be utterly new.

That’s the key to dating: starting back at the beginning is not bad, nor is it a sign of failure. It’s a fresh start, a new chance at love, the beginning of a unique experience. And perhaps most importantly, you’re not alone in doing so: everyone who’s ever been in any relationship, including all successful ones, started at the beginning. Regardless of the way your last relationship ended, that’s worthy of hope, optimism, and, yes, confidence.

Dating would be so much easier if someone else always made the first move. Even better: if their thoughts and intentions were broadcast in a thought bubble above their heads, like a comic strip. We’d know if we should approach and strike up a conversation. We’d know if they were looking for nothing more than friendship. If they were single, we’d know if they were truly ready to move on past their last relationship. We’d know if they were interested in us, too.

Alas, we don’t have those powers of telepathy or projection. And even though women are approached by men more frequently than the inverse, there’s no hard and fast rule about who should be making the first move. Thus, we’re all forced to take that blind first step from time to time.

Here’s the thing: it’s hard to do. It can be wrenching and awkward to be approached by someone you’re not interested in and turn them down, but making the first move requires extra elements of courage and adrenaline. You’re willfully making yourself potentially uncomfortable. Regardless of your gender or orientation, it’s tough.

Thus, it’s no wonder we seek to avoid it as much as possible. By using online dating sites, we hope to dull the sting of rejection. In person, we search for tiny clues, even subconscious ones, that might give us insight before we approach. We get surly about having to make the first move, whether it’s our first time doing so or our fiftieth.

And it’s exactly for these reasons that we should all make the first move when we can. Because our potential matches feel the same fear and adrenaline, but one will have to win this game of chicken in order to ever meet and fall in love. Instead of keeping score with how many first-contact emails we’ve sent, we should continue to send them, because we should take responsibility for seeking out potential love. We shouldn’t miss out on opportunities because we’re pouting and think it should be our turn to be approached. After all, what if your potential match is in the same boat?

Making that first move can be hard, even in online dating. No one likes rejection. But perhaps recognizing that we all have those same basic emotions and fears will make it just a tiny bit easier to approach someone next time. There’s always the option of ignoring your opportunity, too, but the outcome is predictable: you’re passing up a chance at love.