Communication

Just when you thought you had enough things to worry about in your love life, here’s another: your sense of humor. And not just whether or not you have one, but what your specific taste in funny says about your personality.

The fine folks over at eHarmony found that both men and women report that a great sense of humor is the most important thing they are looking for in their match. “Women’s ratings of a man’s humor was significantly associated with their ratings of the man’s intelligence and warmth, showing that women see funny men as more intelligent, positive, and upbeat,” a blog post on the subject said. Men, on the other hand, use humor as a tactic of competing with one another in hopes of catching the eye of a romantic interest.

Looking deeper, researchers identified 4 different types of humor: affiliative, self-defeating, self-enhancing, and aggressive. Each has unique characteristics:

• Affiliative: When people think “sense of humor,” this is what they’re thinking of. Affiliative humor involves telling jokes and making funny comments that are not at the expense of anyone. This type of humor is used to nurture relationships between people, to bring groups together, and to create a light-hearted, entertaining atmosphere.
• Self-defeating: People with the self-defeating humor type amuse others at their own expense. They make themselves the butt of their own jokes in order to gain approval from others (and they’ll even laugh along when others put them down).
• Self-enhancing: Those who use self-enhancing humor find the funny in everything, and typically deal with challenges by looking on the bright side. Self-enhancing humor can be used as a method of coping with adversity, to prevent negative emotions from taking over.
• Aggressive: The name says it all. Aggressive humor can include teasing, sarcasm, making fun of others or putting others down. It’s a hurtful kind of humor used to manipulate and alienate others. People who use aggressive humor can often have trouble holding back from saying things they find funny, even if they’re insensitive.

We each use all four types of humor in combination, but probably have a preference for one or two. Based on researchers’ findings, what that preference is could say something about your personality:

• People who use any affiliative, self-enhancing, and aggressive humor more were found to be significantly more intelligent.
• Affiliative humor users were also found to be significantly more secure in their relationships, value their friendships more, and be less athletic.
• Users of self-enhancing humor were found to be significantly happier in general than those who don’t use this type very often. They were found to be more confident in themselves, to feel more fortunate, and to be more satisfied with themselves overall.
• Individuals who use self-defeating humor are more likely to develop close relationships with others and are not afraid to show their true selves. However, they were also found to be significantly more anxious, depressed, and neurotic, as well as less confident in their own physical attractiveness.
• Aggressive humor users are significantly less kind and caring, more neurotic, more bossy and dominating, less confident in their physical attractiveness, and less likely to want a close relationship with their partner. They may also be more intelligent and more interested in sex, but the cons outweigh the pros in this case.

For more on the dating site which conducted this study you can read our review of eHarmony.

Let’s face it, most of us have a phone in our hands a majority of the day, and during that time, our faces are buried in text messages, emails, Facebook, Instagram, or in apps to get us home or to the restaurant to meet friends. But can we disconnect long enough to connect with someone else in real life?

When I go out with my friends, I make a conscious effort to leave my phone in my purse, to turn off the ringer, to have a conversation that doesn’t include constant distraction. And it can be hard – especially if I’m expecting an email or text from work, or I want to check in with Twitter or Facebook. But as I read recently, the most important thing we can do in our lives is to create memories. And how can we create memories if we’re constantly distracted and bringing ourselves out of the present moment?

It’s the same with dating. It’s hard enough to connect with a stranger romantically, but when you add the distraction of cell phones to the mix, it’s even harder. Instead of becoming attached to your phone – for safety, for preventing social awkwardness, or for distraction – try putting it away and taking things one moment at a time – concentrating on what’s right in front of you.

Following are some tips when it comes to smartphones and dating:

Decide to be present. Sometimes emergencies crop up, but that doesn’t mean you keep your cell phone out and ready to pick up on the first ring during your date. If you’re expecting a call from your boss or a family member, knowing you’ll be spending the evening worrying or waiting, then why not postpone to a better night? Give your date a real chance by being fully present.

No photos. Maybe you’re addicted to Instagram and can’t help but take pictures of the cocktail you’re drinking or perhaps the gorgeous pasta dish in front of you. Resist this compulsion on a first date. Really, your food will taste better and you won’t be distracted with all the posting. Not every moment has to be documented.

No play-by-play on Twitter. I know some people who like to keep a record of their dates for the public to see, or who have to check their feeds every few minutes. But honestly, Twitter and Facebook can wait until after your date is over. Besides, if you write something bad about your date, assume he will see it – either on your phone or on your feed. Is that really how you want to conduct your dating life?

Text your date after the fact. If you had a good time, let him know! If not, tell him thanks but you’re just not a match. It shows you are courteous, which is a real plus when it comes to dating.

Facebook has been in the online dating game for a while, albeit subtly. Many popular mobile dating apps use your Facebook networks to help you meet new singles, or at the very least, verify you are who you say you are. For instance, Tinder sets up your account using information from Facebook, even though it is GPS-based matching. So it only makes sense that Facebook would cut to the chase and see if they could get people to interact directly through their site instead of through third-party apps.

Turns out, Facebook is doing this by making user profiles more interactive.

The “relationship status” option of each user’s Facebook profile has always sparked a little bit of controversy becasue people use it to hurt their beloved as well as to share information with friends. After all, how many people announce their status over Facebook before actually talking to their boyfriend/ girlfriend, and how many use it as a weapon to pick a fight? Sometimes “it’s complicated” can bring about a barrage of questions that you don’t want to answer.

So it’s no wonder the new “ask” feature on Facebook makes many people feel even more uncomfortable. Ask allows you to ask another person what their relationship status is if they have chosen not to include it in their profile.

If you’re one of those Facebook users that prefers to keep this information to yourself, you are given the option of sending the “asker” a message or letting them know from the usual drop-down box choices whether you’re single, in a relationship, separated, in a domestic partnership, etc.

While this might seem to some a good way to strike up a conversation with someone who interests you on Facebook, it might seem to others to feel a little bit creepy. If you decide to ask someone about her relationship status, you must also explain why, which can be humbling. A little pop-up box displays when you click the “ask” button so that you can explain yourself.

In addition to asking about someone’s relationship status, you can also ask him about where he lives, what his job is, and other basic profile information.

The upside of all of this prying? Users have to be friends on Facebook before they can use the “ask” feature, so you can’t approach a total stranger. Also, there is no anonymity – the person being asked will see that it is you who is asking (along with your profile).

So maybe it’s better to take an old-school approach: just send the object of your affection a Facebook message, asking her out on a date.

To find out how to use this site to find dates you can read our Facebook review.

Dating apps are trying to step up their game and attract more users in order to compete with each other more effectively. After all, quantity means success in the online dating game, as we’ve seen first from established online dating sites like Match.com and now from popular apps like Tinder.

Because of the stiff competition, HowAboutWe is taking extra steps to distinguish itself in the online dating world – namely, by cultivating relationships instead of keeping more people in the dating game. This month, they launched a new standalone messaging app for couples that lets two partners share multiple types of content and create a story together.

The new app is You&Me, and it gives users a chance to have a little mobile fun with their relationship. It is an app that provides direct, exclusive communication between you and your partner.

With You&Me, you now have options for the types of messages you can send your love – photo, text and video messages – as well as the ability to send voice memos and a favorite song. “This made me think of you” is one response you can send, along with a picture or video, or “is there anything you need me to pick up at the store?” if you are looking for something more practical.

Plus, there are extra features like Photobooth, which offers a similar experience to the old-fashioned kind you used to do with friends at an amusement park or arcade, with a screenshot resembling a film strip of the different faces you made. Halfsie takes a Front-Back style photo of half of your face on top (nose up) and half of your partner’s (nose down) on the bottom. Secret sends a “steamed up” photo that the recipient must wipe clear to see. Sexy.

Interestingly, the app is responsive and knows when you are physically together in real life. The interface changes to reflect that. This makes me a little uncomfortable. Do I want my phone to be so aware of my movements with my partner?

HowAboutWe has ventured into new territory with online dating, first offering an online dating site that was driven by creativity – that is, a date idea – instead of based solely on profiles. They then extended the brand to include married couples in HowAboutWe for couples, providing date ideas and services to help you plan and execute the date. Plus, it offered discounts on unique local experiences to each city.

Recently, the company has acquired a series of media properties that discuss all things sex, love and dating, including Nerve.com.

The app is free and available only on iTunes, so you must both have iPhones to be able to use it.

For more on this dating service including the new couples app please read our review of How About We.

Aaron Schildkrout and his friend Brian Schechter founded HowAboutWe four years ago as an alternative to traditional online dating. In a recent article in The New York Observer, he said that the fundamental problem with online dating sites was that they needed to keep subscribers. The sites work best when people are looking for dates, not when they are in relationships and dropping out. Dating sites depend on a huge database of subscribers.

HowAboutWe’s focus is a bit different for an online dating site. For one, they have branched out from their online dating platform to creating a valuable resource for all people interested in dating and relationships.

The primary goal of their dating site is to help people meet offline (and get them there as quickly as possible), so they can move towards forming relationships. Instead of searching through profiles, members can create an idea for a first date, put it out to the network, and see who’s interested. Schildkrout says it’s a way for people to meet more organically.

Because of the site’s focus on date activities, it was a natural progression to create a site for couples who are looking to be inspired. Many couples are bored with the same old dates they do all the time, but don’t have the time to research or a lot of money to do something more unique. This is where HowAboutWe comes in – they curate dates particular to each city they service, and set the whole thing up for a discounted price.

It’s an appealing idea for couples. As Schildkrout says, “We make the booking process and the reservation process extremely easy — you never have to show a voucher, your name’s already on the list. We do all the work for you. We take care of all the details.”

The company is also getting into media content, acquiring sites like The Date Report and Nerve.com and creating two additional new blogs related to dating and relationships. “We built out a world-class editorial team,” says Shildkrout, “and for the last three months, we’ve been working really hard to create a media wing focused on becoming the authoritative voice on all things love, and have grown traffic dramatically in that process.”

Popular apps like Tinder and the bigger or more traditional dating sites like OkCupid don’t seem to bother Shildkrout. He sees Tinder as more of a lightweight hook-up experience and OkCupid as an algorithm-matching experience which might not match you with someone outside your type. He is focused on his product, on connecting people in a real-world way. And he’s looking to build content that gets a conversation started. 

Does dating sometimes feel like you’re beating your head against the wall? Do you spend way too much time pursuing women to no avail? Maybe it’s time to take a step  back and pay attention to what the object of your affection is telling you – maybe not with words, but with body language and cues.

The key to knowing whether or not a woman is interested is simpler than you think. Often, women are more subtle when they are flirting with men, and sometimes a guy could miss the cues to pursue her. Instead of trying to figure out what she wants, it’s time to pay a little more attention and see if she’s signaling her interest.

Following are some ways to tell if she’s really interested in you:

She texts and calls without waiting for you. If a woman is interested, she won’t let too much time go by without contacting you. The old three-day rule no longer applies, nor does the adage that the guy must make the first move. If a woman calls or texts you just to say hi, you can bet she’s interested.

She shows genuine interest in you. Does she look around the room while you’re talking, trying to get a friend’s attention? Or does she pay attention to what you say and engage you in conversation? If a woman doesn’t want to talk to you, she’ll find a way to excuse herself. She will say she has a work commitment or that she’s meeting a friend – she will have a reason for leaving. If she’s wrapped up in what you have to say, she’s interested.

She makes a lot of eye contact. When women are uncomfortable or uninterested, their eyes wander. But if you notice her eyes locking on yours, if she’s meeting your gaze without turning away, then she’s open to getting to know you.

She makes references to seeing you again. Women can be direct or shy when it comes to letting their feelings be known. If she’s direct, she’ll ask you when you two will be going out again. If she’s shy or uncertain how you feel, she might drop a few hints about what she likes to do, or mention where she’ll be in the next few evenings so that you’ll know and plan to be there, too. Pay attention, and then if you’re interested – ask her out!

Her body language is playful and flirtatious. Women generally keep their hands to themselves if they aren’t interested in a man who’s flirting with them. If she touches your arm, shoulder, or hand, or leans forward towards you a lot, then that’s a cue that she’s open to flirting and interested in you.

Related Article: 5 Ways to Tell if He’s Interested in You

Have fun, and happy dating!