Communication

The New Year is here, and this means a new chance at love for everyone. You might have made a few mistakes in 2014, but that doesn’t mean you can’t turn things around from this point forward. The beauty of life is that we are always growing and changing – and this means in our love lives, too.

Instead of doing the same old things in your social life, or recycling that old online dating profile, the New Year is a time to toss out the old and start fresh. That said, following are five dating resolutions you can make in the New Year:

Try new places. Dating doesn’t have to be a boring series of drinks and coffee dates. Instead of local watering holes, think of things you like to do on your own and incorporate them into your dating life – like hiking, art classes, sports, or finding treasures to fix up at flea markets. Even if you don’t get along with your date, you won’t feel it’s a waste of time. Plus, it puts you in a good mood – the right frame of mind for dating.

Expand your social circle. I know there are many introverted people out there who hate the idea of going to parties alone or joining an online dating site. But rest assured – most people hate going alone to parties and joining online dating sites. You aren’t alone. The point is, you never know where you’ll meet someone special, so it’s good to expand your opportunities instead of restricting them. Allowing more doors to open in your life is a good thing.

Develop a hobby. Most people are so tied up with work and obligations towards friends and family that they seldom take time just for themselves. But when you pursue something just because you enjoy it – and not because you make a living out of it – it creates more happiness in your life. Pursuing a hobby isn’t an extravagance – it’s a necessary part of life.

Be thankful. This might sound trite, but the act of acknowledging all you have in your life creates more positive energy and a happier you. Practice giving thanks for something every day – even if it’s something seemingly insignificant like a beautiful sunrise or an invigorating run. There is so much beauty in the small moments of life. Embrace them.

Say yes more often. Dating can be an emotional roller coaster, and many people need a break from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with this, but some people choose to stay stuck by admitting that “online dating doesn’t work for me,” or other excuses based on a few dates gone wrong. Instead of dwelling in what hasn’t worked, try to remain open to future possibilities. Say yes to a date you aren’t sure about, respond to more emails and messages. Taking more chances also brings more opportunities. Seize the moment.

Happy New Year!

Are you online dating? Having a hard time getting to date number two? If so, there are a few things you might not have considered when you’re meeting someone for the first time. With online dating, your friends can’t give you the inside scoop on a total stranger like they could a mutual friend. So it’s best to approach each first date understanding he knows nothing about you – not your sense of humor, your thoughtfulness, your body image. Nothing. Your profile doesn’t reveal nearly enough.

So, it’s your job to take nothing for granted, and try to see yourself through his eyes. He could be paying attention to things you don’t even think about, or that aren’t your priority. And that’s where a lot of misunderstandings come into play.

Guys do pay attention on dates, and they are looking for cues that you’re interested. Following are some things that they notice (and no, it’s not your cute outfit or new heels), based on a survey taken by Women’s Health Magazine:

If you’re on time. Many guys hate waiting on their dates to arrive when they have made an effort to be on time. If you’re late because you’re afraid of looking too eager, you could be missing out on some great guys who think that you don’t care enough to be punctual or let them know you’re running late.

Breaks in conversation. Some guys pay attention to what you do when the conversation pauses. Are you looking around, acting bored? Or are you giving the conversation thoughtful attention? Are you shy, or just thinking of the next clever thing to say? Guys pay attention to your body language as much as anything you say.

If you reach for your purse. Most guys don’t have an issue with paying for a date, but they do appreciate it when you offer.

If you are rude to servers, valet, etc. Maybe you are fun, engaging and warm with your date, but if you start treating waiters or bartenders with attitude, guys will notice. This is a big turn-off.

Your smile. Guys like to know if you’re having fun. Smiling is a sign that you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself. Try to keep an open mind - when you go into the date having an attitude or chip on your shoulder, it’s not sexy.

Attraction/ chemistry. Guys are blunt – they do look at you. They want to know if you look like your pictures, and if they feel a physical attraction. They want to feel a spark of chemistry in order to pursue you. So don’t take it personally if you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. Studies have shown that guys have a wide range of physical tastes – so don’t let one or two rejections stop you from meeting new people. Emphasize your attributes, don’t shy away from being who you are. That is sexy.

Let’s face it – not everybody is a match, and dating helps you figure out what (and who) you want. By spending time with someone, you can determine if you are compatible or even just want to see each other again for date number two. It’s okay if you aren’t that into each other, but if you keep striking out with women who you are interested in pursuing, there could be something you’re missing.

Instead of getting frustrated or angry with the women you are dating because you aren’t getting responses to your texts or second dates, take a step back and see what could be going wrong. Maybe it’s something really simple that you’re overlooking that turns her off.

Following are a few ways to change things up if you think you might be losing her interest:

Stop talking about yourself. Many guys go into “prove myself” mode on a date because they are trying to impress a woman they find attractive. Instead of talking about yourself, your successes, or your achievements, a woman will connect with you if instead you show her that you’re paying attention to her and what she is saying. Stop yourself if you feel you’re talking too much and start asking her questions.

Be thoughtful. Many guys don’t do the basics – like offering to pick up the tab, being on time, or making a plan about where to meet. If you take the time to put a little effort into the date, it pays off immensely.

Put your phone away. There’s nothing worse than spending an evening staring at your date’s phone on the table. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t ring or you only pick it up to check messages once or twice – that phone is a third wheel. It requires attention, and she will feel that you aren’t giving her a real chance. Leave the phone in your pocket or your car so you can enjoy your date.

Be confident. There’s no need to be a jerk, but women like men who exude confidence – that means having your own opinion even if it disagrees with hers, knowing what you have to offer in a relationship, and not trying to accommodate everything she says or does. Give her a little room to breathe, to learn who you are. Don’t try to be what she wants – be yourself. It works better.

Don’t bring up your bad day, your ex, or other topics that sour your mood. You’re on a date to have fun and enjoy each other, not to have a pity party. Avoid subjects that bring you down or cause you to vent instead of joke. (Also, understand what is sarcastic and what is downright mean, and avoid the latter.) The more you bring positive energy to the date, the better time both of you will have.

When guys ask me for dating advice, it’s usually because they are frustrated and feel somewhat baffled by women. Most men are content to take a few rejections and move on (more so than women), but if a woman does something they don’t understand, if they are interested in her at all, they have to know:

What does she want? Or more interestingly: What did I do wrong?

This should be an eye-opener for women. Men are more aware of your actions, thoughts and feelings than they are given credit for. They are also more interested in what they can do better, how they can make you happy.

(An aside: Yes, men love making women happy. It’s what keeps them going in a relationship. We just have to let them know what we want.)

A man recently asked me about a woman he’s been dating for a few months. He just got out of a relationship, and she seems a bit standoff-ish, though he’s not sure why. She claims she’s interested in him, but then she pulls a disappearing act. She acts flirtatious and touches him one minute, and the next she pulls away or rebuffs him. He’s kept in a constant state of confusion, wondering what exactly she wants.

While I don’t know this woman and can’t speak for how she feels, I can address her actions and also how he can help himself in this situation. First, she might be a little skeptical of his intentions since he just got out of a serious relationship. In fact, he admitted he wasn’t sure how he felt about her.

When you don’t know how you feel about someone, you can’t expect her to love and be clear about her feelings for you, either.

This was tough for him to hear. After all, she was the one playing games and pulling the disappearing act. And it’s true: she wasn’t exactly giving the relationship her best effort, or maybe any effort at all. But neither was he.

Until you are clear on what you want from a relationship, don’t expect someone else to tell you. If you need time to assess how you feel, take your time. But allow your partner to take her time, too. Not everyone is certain about how they feel right away. And some people are more cautious with their hearts than others, because they don’t want to get hurt again.

If you are waiting for the other person to drive the relationship, you are letting them take control. It’s a partnership, not something to control. If you decide you want an exclusive relationship, let her know. Don't be afraid of having an intimate conversation about how you are feeling, or not feeling.

Today in “Yes, there’s even an app for that”: Healthvana, a new service helping to halt the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

These days we do everything online - from paying our bills to booking appointments to meeting the loves of our lives. And it’s great. There are clear benefits to living in a faster, more connected world. But where do you draw the line on going digital? Would you store your STD status online?

Healthvana is banking on the answer being “yes.” The service launched earlier this summer in partnership with the AIDS Health Foundation to offer people easy access to their own health records. Healthvana sends patients' results directly from the laboratory to their smartphones, via their website or their mobile app.

Healthvana founder Ramin Bastani told ABC News "It's a digital version of, 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours.'" Armed with your results on the digital device of your choice, you can show potential partners and new doctors a time-stamped status on prevalent STDs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, and HIV. (Note: Though common, HPV and herpes are not currently included in the app’s interface.)

"It's no different if you went to the doctor and got a printout and showed [your partner] that," Bastani explained. "We want to eradicate that idea that no news is good news."

Whitney Engeran, head of public health at the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, is also predicting a bright future for Healthvana. "It allows us to move faster with our patients and gives them a lot of quick information," he said. "Because right now if they're negative, we don't necessarily call them –- because we see so many people, we really only call them if they’re positive."

The problem, of course, is one that plagues everything in our digital age: security. What happens if Healthvana is hacked? Or if you lose your phone?

The service supposedly follows U.S. patient privacy laws known as HIPAA, because users can only access their results after entering through a secure portal, and no sensitive info is sent via email. Patient records are stored in a secure data center that only a limited number of Healthvana employees have access to.

Of course, Healthvana can only reveal the results of someone’s most recent test - which isn’t definitive proof of a clean bill of health and is no guarantee it’s safe to skip using protection. Still, if this app makes users more aware of their health, helps people approach a sensitive topic, and encourages more responsible sexual practices, it’s a welcome step in the right direction.

So far the instant record feature is being tested in three locations in Florida, and the AIDS Healthcare Foundation plans to roll out the updated app nationwide within the next two months.

Dating is a mystery, even for those who have been doing it for a while. Men and women misunderstand each other all the time when they are in relationships, so it’s only natural that communication problems would occur while you are just getting to know each other. Even before the first date!

Texting is a great tool to help us keep in touch, but it’s also created a whole new level of second-guessing and misunderstanding when it comes to dating. How many times have you stared at a text, trying to interpret it – even if it’s only “hey, what’s up?” We might think – is he asking me because he wants to see if I’m busy, or is he just being casual and reaching out to say hello? Then we might wonder: when should I text him back? Should I wait another five minutes, another hour, another day??

We drive ourselves nuts sometimes trying to figure out what’s going on in someone else’s head. But the truth is very simple: we don’t know. We can’t make assumptions. But we should also listen to our intuitions. If we find ourselves wondering too much about his motivations but afraid to ask, we should probably take that as a hint that you're not on the same page romantically speaking.

Following are some typical texts that men send, and what they really mean:

Hey, want to meet for a drink in an hour? [It’s 9:00pm.]

We might think he’s interested in us after all, but chances are, he’s not looking for anything serious and is seeing what you might be up for. Know what you want before agreeing or getting excited about seeing him again - the ball is in your court, so don't settle for less than the relationship you want.

It’s been fun hanging out, but I’m really busy right now with work. Maybe I’ll call you when I’m back in a couple of weeks.

Translation: I’m not really interested, but if I haven’t met anyone else I find attractive in the next two weeks I want to leave my options open. Time to date other people.

I don’t know…where do you want to go tonight?

This might be frustrating if you feel you are always planning the dates, but probably the guy hasn’t put much thought into where to go or what to do. He might spend a few minutes on Yelp before the date, or he might just want you to pick a place because he doesn’t want to take you somewhere you’ll hate. If you feel strongly about planning, then pick the place. If not, just leave it open and see what happens.

I had a nice time with you tonight.

This is a good thing – even if he doesn’t make plans right away for a second date, he’s letting you know he had a good time. Don’t get anxious about the timing, just let him know you had a good time, too. Then if you’re feeling motivated, ask him out instead of waiting for him to make the next move. It’s liberating.