Tips

Women place a lot of expectations on themselves when it comes to relationships. We invest emotionally, even when we aren't sure how he feels. We think that if we work hard to show a man how much we love him, how much we're willing to sacrifice, he's bound to love us back.

Life often doesn't work this way.

It's hard to be single, especially when you see your friends getting coupled up, one by one. Maybe you join a slew of online dating sites hoping to meet the right person, or maybe you decide the man you're dating could be the right one, so why not commit to him? Unfortunately, when you choose a partner based on a timeline instead of your own conviction and happiness the relationship will likely fail.

When women date, especially as we grow older, we can accumulate a sense of urgency (the biological clock) as well as a sense of fear (we'll never meet the Right One and we'll be alone forever). So our choices seem very limited and we panic. Maybe we reach out to the first available guy, or maybe we commit to a man who doesn't really care to be in a relationship, just to avoid being alone, or maybe because we think that's all we can have. But in reality - it's quite the opposite. More than half of the U.S. adult population is single. That's more than enough choice. The key is being patient enough to find the person you really want, and having the courage to communicate your needs.

Following are some tips to help you embrace dating instead of the fear of being alone:

Take it slow. When we feel chemistry with a man, it's hard to stop ourselves from jumping into a relationship headfirst. We want to fall in love! The problem is, we can't know someone after one or two dates, so we have no idea what he wants or who he is. How many times have men just disappeared after a great date? So even if you do feel chemistry, it's best to take things slow. Really get to know him, and take your time. There's no rush to the finish line when it comes to forming a lasting relationship.

Communicate your own needs. Are you the one who's always making plans or calling, only to have him cancel at the last minute? Do you find yourself wanting more every time you're together - more intimacy, more communication, more attention? Maybe it's time to stop chasing him, and move on to someone who does the pursuing. There's no use trying to move a relationship forward if you're the only one doing it. You deserve someone who feels the same way about you.

Don't settle when it comes to love.

February 14th is around the corner, which is typically not a holiday singles get excited about. Maybe you see co-workers getting fancy flower arrangements or chocolates, or happy couples embracing in the street, and you would rather the holiday just pass quickly so all the fuss could stop.

But Valentine's Day isn't just about couples, it's a actually a celebration of love in general. When I was single, I made sure to celebrate with my friends, who were my ultimate support network. Others might want to treat themselves to something they've always wanted to do. There's no reason to sit out this holiday just because you're single. Make it a point to celebrate. It's all about love.

Here are some ideas for whatever makes you happy.

Celebrating with friends:

Dinner and a movie. Do you want a relaxing night at home? Gather a group of friends together and make it a potluck, or cook dinner together and enjoy it with a good movie. Don't feel the need to watch a rom-com; there are plenty of comedy shows and stand-up acts that will make the evening a little more fun.

Listen to music. Sometimes, there's nothing better than hanging with your friends and listening to some live music. Is there a dive bar near you doing anything special, or a smaller theatre where local bands perform? You don't have to spend a lot of money or include a date to make it a memorable evening.

Meeting men:

Going out with the girls. Valentine's Day is actually the best day to meet eligible men. The taken ones are with their significant others, wining and dining - but you and your friends can go to a bar or club and be sure you're meeting men who are truly single.

Sports bars. Where is the best place to be on Valentine's Day if you want to meet men? Go where no guy would venture to take his significant other on February 14th - the local sports bar. Enjoy a game and a beer and have fun chatting it up with lots of single men.

Taking care of you:

Book a spa appointment. If you're not excited about getting together with friends, treat yourself. This is a day to take care of you, so book a massage or facial and enjoy. Relaxing at a nice spa is a great way to spend your evening, and you'll be in good company.

Sign up for a new class. Maybe you're looking for something a little different to move your life forward. Have you been wanting to take an Argentinian cooking class or check out Zumba? Have you always wanted to rock climb? Now is the time to explore - on Valentine's Day.

It's the stuff of romantic movies: the story of two best friends who are secretly in love and seem perfect for each other - the same hobbies, interests, and maybe even career - but they are too afraid to reveal their feelings. Of course in the movies, they end up falling in love and everything works out perfectly, and all of their friends and family wonder what took so long. But in real life, it's not so easy.

Friendships and love are a tricky mix. Many people don't want to risk losing the friendship just to see if they can be in a relationship together, so they choose to remain silent. What happens if you reveal your feelings and your friend rejects you? If one person doesn't feel the same about the other, can things go back to the way they were? It's hard to remain friends if a romantic relationship doesn't work out. It can be awkward for both of you to carry on as though nothing has changed.

On the other hand, it's likely that your feelings don't live in a bubble, and that maybe your friend has gotten a hint from you from time to time that you might be interested. Maybe both of you have refused to talk about it.

I think more often than not, the truth will eventually come out, because it's hard to hide growing feelings of love. It's good to be prepared to face your feelings about your friend and be honest with him about how you feel. Otherwise, you can't move on with your own life.

If you're wondering what to do, following are some questions you can ask yourself to see if a romance with your friend is something you'd like to pursue.

Does he talk to you about his dating life? If he's confiding in you about the women he dates - what sex with them is like, how he feels about them, what romantic gestures he wants to make, likely he feels that you are nothing more than a friend. If he mentions "you're like a sister to me," then this is another sign he isn't thinking about you in a romantic way. If you want to preserve your friendship, it's probably best to move on.

Do you feel that you can be in a long-term relationship with him? Sometimes we mistake feelings of attraction towards friends of the opposite sex for real love. Maybe you're physically attracted to him and want to see what it would be like to have sex, but you're not interested in anything long-term. Do you want to end your friendship over a curiosity? Make sure you know what you want first.

What would you do if it didn't work out? Sometimes friends embark on a romantic relationship, only to realize that it's not working as they hoped. What would you do after a break-up? Could you go back to being friends? Would you be at peace with taking a break and not seeing him for a while? Be reasonable about your expectations.

Divorce isn't an easy thing to go through. It can leave you feeling vulnerable and lonely, especially if you'd been growing apart from your former spouse for a while. It can also make you afraid to move forward in your love life. How do you decide when you're ready to date again, and what will it be like?

There's no doubt it takes time to heal, so if you're recently divorced it's good to give yourself a break and don't jump into a new relationship head-first. Also, if you have children to consider you might want to take things slowly before you introduce someone new into their lives. (And you might also prepare yourself - you'll likely be dating people who have children and busy schedules themselves.)

So how do you go about dating, or deciding whether you're ready for a new relationship? Everyone is different, so it's important to know yourself and what feels right for you. Following are some tips on getting back out there:

Take time to heal. Resist the urge to start dating because you're lonely. Maybe your kids are out of the house and it feels empty, but this isn't a good reason to form a new relationship. It's important to get to know yourself first, outside of who you are as a partner. Try a new hobby or sport that has always interested you. Make new friends who are single. Take baby steps to try and craft a new life for yourself that feels good to you.

Dip your toe in the dating pool first. I have a recently divorced friend who has been married twice and has had several long-term relationships. And after every break-up, he finds a new relationship almost immediately, throwing himself into his lover's life, only to have it end again. Instead of going straight to the next relationship, I think it's important to take a break. Give yourself a chance to grieve your divorce and understand what you really want. Then when you're ready, sign up for an online dating site and start going on dates with more than one person.

Be honest with your dates about where you are. Keep your options open, and let your dates know you're not ready for exclusivity. There's no need to jump into anything. It's important to be alone as well as to be with someone else, so let yourself have that experience.

Date outside your type. I know most of us have a type that we are attracted to - whether it's the dark-haired emotionally unavailable type or the blonde, reserved and non-communicative type. If you find yourself gravitating towards someone who reminds you of your ex, it's probably a good idea to take a step back and evaluate. Don't repeat old patterns. Date someone you would normally not consider, and see how it goes. Now is the time to experiment!

Take it slow. Dating is different for everyone. Don't feel pressured to act or move forward according to some kind of timeline of what "should" happen or what your date wants. Dating isn't a race, it's a process. If you're not ready for a relationship, or to sleep with your date, don't feel that something is wrong. Pay attention to your own timeline and go with what feels right to you.

The scenario: You've been on a fantastic date with someone you find incredibly attractive. You both flirted, kissed, talked with each other all night - you know that there was a spark between you. So, you send him a text telling him what a great time you had, expecting another date to follow. Then there's silence.

After a few hours, then a few days, you start to panic. You wonder if something happened to him, if he got busy with work, or there was a family emergency - because there's no way he wouldn't call to ask you out again! You were both on the date, and there was chemistry between you. So why isn't he calling?

While it may surprise you that you're not hearing back, it's not uncommon. Not every fabulous date leads to another, which can be hurtful and make us cynical about love. But instead of racking your brain trying to make excuses for him or figure out what went wrong, the answer is typically clearer than we think. Following are five reasons he didn't call you:

He's not that interested. Remember the book and movie "He's Just Not that Into You?" Well, it's very true for the most part. Men know what they like, and when they are interested, they pursue. Some dates can be fun, but that doesn't mean he felt the same way you did. There's no shame in that. It's best to stop making assumptions about what should happen next and move on.

He's seeing other people. Some guys have trouble figuring out what they want, so they end up dating several women at once. This isn't a bad thing, after all, you just met. Both of you should be dating a lot of people. Instead of figuring out what his intentions or motivations are, try focusing on your own dating life. Schedule more dates, meet more people. If you reconnect, great - and if not, then you are moving on anyway.

Your expectations didn't match his. Maybe you thought it was an incredible date, and that you deserve a chance at being his girlfriend. Maybe you envisioned your romantic future together - a proposal, or some exotic getaways. Don't place such huge expectations on someone after a first date. Remember, you don't know him yet. You have no idea if he's boyfriend material, or if he wants to be. Even if there's chemistry, take things slowly at the beginning so you can get to know each other. If he drops out of the picture, that's all you need to know about him.

He met someone else. This happens often, especially when you're online dating. It's so easy to meet new people, he could have moved on to the next woman an hour after dropping you off. You don't know what's going on in his life, but if he's not interested enough to call you, then let him go.

He doesn't want a relationship. Some men take a while to get over an ex-girlfriend. He might want to hook up with you, but he doesn't want another relationship, at least for a while. Or perhaps he's focused on work and doesn't want to make time for a relationship. Either way, he's not relationship material.

Try not to take it personally. It's easy to wonder what you did wrong, but most of the time, it's not about you. If a man is interested and ready to pursue a relationship, he will. In the meantime, don't chase the wrong ones.

There is a process to successful online dating - it takes time. You first create your profile, then search through your matches, and finally email the ones that interest you. After that, you're ready to start making plans to meet some of them in person. When you get to the actual date, you want things to go well - after all, it took effort to get there!

Many people are excited to go on a first date. After all, you're curious. You want to see if there's chemistry, if the conversation flows, if you both laugh -and let's face it, if she looks like her picture. But sometimes you're so busy wondering how the date will go that you don't think about the little things that will ensure its success.

Following are some first date mistakes that many people make, but now that you know, you can avoid! If you're interested, the goal is to get to the second date, right?

You didn't plan ahead. This is such an easy fix. Usually, your date won't care where you meet for a first date, as long as you take charge (especially since you are the one asking her out). Whoever does the asking, does the planning. Even for a coffee date. Check the place out so you know what to expect.

You were late. There's nothing more infuriating than showing up on time to a date and then waiting. And waiting. If you're stuck in traffic or running late, text your date to let her know. But try to allow extra time and get there early. It makes a good impression because it shows you care.

You wore old dirty jeans and a t-shirt. There's nothing wrong with this look if you're at home watching the game, but for a first date? It's not good. Put some effort into your dress - clean clothes only, and preferably a nice shirt or jacket and closed shoes, not flip flops. Think of your date as an important business meeting. You want to impress your clients, so why not impress your date?

You kept looking around the room. Maybe there were plenty of attractive women at the bar that night and you couldn't help yourself. But your date wants to feel she is special, at least for the time you two are on the date. Pay attention and engage with her, and try not to get so distracted.

You let her grab the check. There's nothing wrong with splitting the bill or taking turns paying when you're dating someone, but if this is a first date, pay the bill. It shows you're classy. I understand that many people don't have a lot of money to spend on dates, and that's okay. This is why you are the one planning it - pick a place you can afford, like a coffee shop, r do something free like a walk in the park. Then you know what to expect when the check arrives.

Happy dating!