Advice

I'm beginning to think that dating is a lot like learning to cook. Before you begin to cook, it's a mysterious talent, shrouded in mystery. Some seem to take to it immediately, while others watch their first attempts explode all over the stove. Those “in the know” claim it's easy, but if that's the case, why are so many people bad at it?

What do you do when you don't know how to cook? Well, there are options. You might observe family and friends. In a way, you've grown up with a light introduction to cooking, because you've watched your parents and other elders. Later, when you're more interested, you start to take notes.

Then there's formalized instruction, in the form of television. Countless shows will offer tips and tricks when it comes to cooking. Some of these shows will give you useful basics; others are operating at a base level with far more skill than you currently possess. Some tell you that cooking is instinctive, and you should go with your gut; others get incredibly analytical and esoteric.

Ultimately, however, how do you really learn to cook? Experimentation. Some attempts are just plain disastrous; others contain lessons to learn. Every once in awhile, something turns out way better than you expected, and you spend the next month trying to replicate your unexpected success.

At some point, though, it just clicks. Suddenly you're not running around the kitchen like a chicken with your head cut off. You're calm and collected, and even more surprisingly, you're enjoying yourself. You begin to look forward to your next experience, and others are coming to you for advice.

Dating is no different. You can learn the theory, but really the best way to learn is to get in the kitchen and try it out. It's not always successful, and it can be messy and even occasionally painful. Eventually, though, it'll click. And it's worth the effort; it's a skill that could change your life.

Self-reflection is absolutely necessary for successful dating. In order to know what type of person you want, you should have a firm idea of who you are and what you're looking for in others. There is a basic foundation of respect that people generally believe they deserve from each other. Everyone wants honesty, respect, and care. Nevertheless, the reason why many people experience conflict over these issues is because people define these terms in different ways. While some people understand respect as opening doors and pulling out chairs for a lady, others might actually find this behavior offensive.

You

Not sure where to start? Draft a list of things that are important to you. What is important in your life? What are some central aspects of your personality and lifestyle? How do you understand honesty, respect, and care? It may help if you develop two checklists: in the first, determine what qualities are absolute deal-breakers; in the second, determine what qualities are important to you, but you could live without. If you understand yourself, you will be better able to present exactly what you want to project to potential partners.

Your Partner

What basic attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, and interests do you expect from your partner? Is their political allegiance an issue? Religious affiliation? Past experience? How do you want to be treated in a relationship? Do you have any deal-breakers, and if so, what are they? Although it is unlikely and unrealistic to expect that you will ever find someone that encompasses every item you wish for, it is entirely within your grasp to find someone who comes close!

Life is Short

Your time is precious. Knowing what you're looking for in a partner saves you time, energy, and potential heart ache from failed dates and relationships. Knowing what you want is the first step to figuring out how to get it. The second step is, of course, articulating those needs and learning how to find the kind of people you're looking for.

Frankness and honesty play a great role in online dating. Before you even meet, you can deliver your desires and expectations free of guilt and look for like-minded people without the hassle of going through several dates just to later learn of some tragic, deal-breaking flaw. By settling the score up front and asking directly for what you want, you come closer to finding it!

What can I say? Cosmo magazine is good for a laugh if not some out-and-out decent advice every now and then. Did you know there were stages of dating that dudes just despise? Personally, I had no idea - but then again, I might be blind. Or, I might be a girl (which I am). I was trolling my online reading this week and stumbled across a well thought-out list about guys moving through a relationship's growth and thought I'd share what Cosmo magazine says freaks them out!

He's afraid to meet your friends.

Impressing them, living up to expectations - your guy is naturally afraid of being introduced to your inner circle for the first time. However, a little pre-briefing could do worlds of wonders for easing his pain. Give your man a few tips on who he's meeting, how long you've known them, what they do for a living, hobbies and whatnot. That way, at lease he's not going into the "friend date" blind!

Your trip through Bluesville.

We all have funks and sometimes there's no real explanation for them. Apparently this freaks guys out. What should they do? Should they say anything? Is it a trap? If you're able to trust your guy enough to keep dating him, trust him enough to share a tidbit about the cause of your funk. While you're saying it's not him, a little insider tip can prove it and fortify your relationship.

SLEEPING together.

Without sex. Like, going to sleep. There's likely a whole slew of thoughts running through your guy's head like wondering if the relationship is already on the decline or if he's just not all that in the sack. Ease his worries by telling him that while you do want to go to sleep, you'll be all over that ASAP. And mean it.

Getting caught looking.

Guys look at women. It's how they're built. But they're terrified of how their girl will react the first time their girl catches them looking. Instead of flying off the handle, understand that guys look (just like YOU look at guys - you know you do). Don't make him feel like a twelve-year-old. He's YOUR guy and he's there with you. Laugh - and he'll return the favor when he catches YOU looking!

Read the entire article here.

Using media to improve your online dating experience can be a wonderful experience – especially if you have not yet met your partner or live far away from each other. There are several different ways you can pack more dimensions into online dating and, by doing so, allow you to truly get to know the person with whom you've been chatting.

Why is using media important for online dating? Online dating, in its primitive stages, only involves emails or instant messages in the form of text. Now, text can be absolutely, heart-achingly beautiful, it can reveal thoughts, desires, dreams, and whimsy, and it should be in no way abandoned! Nevertheless, adding other sources of media to the experience can help you engage your partner and decide whether or not it is a good match before you even meet. Here are some examples of how different media can be applied to a budding relationship beyond simple emails and instant messaging:

Phone calls / audio chats. Since many computers, especially laptops, are now built with microphones and many instant messenger services now allow the service, phone chatting is now easier than ever. You can learn a lot from a person's voice and the way they use it: subtle accents, word use, poignant pauses, and nervous tension are all contained in voice-chatting in a way that text cannot really encompass. The added component of voice adds an immediacy to the conversation not available through simple text. Audio chats also allow you an extra security in comparison to cell phones because they don't require you to give out your phone number, a screen name is much more easily disposed, and most services allow you to block users.

Let's be honest, men: dating is hard work, women are confusing, and sometimes you just feel lost. There's a reason dating coaches and pickup companies are more popular now than ever before - it's hard to understand the rules and rituals of dating at any time, but the 21st century has made the dating game more difficult than ever. Even the most capable offline Cassanova can find himself out of his depth when he decides to experiment with online dating.

I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen to you, because you deserve to be a success with women anywhere and anytime you want, including the World Wide Web. To put you on the path towards online dating mastery, I've put together a list of 5 of the most common mistakes I see men making online. Check it out:

Automatic flirting.

If you think clicking a button that says "Wink" or "Smile" is going to make a woman fall for you, think again. Look at it this way: if you spot a woman you're interested in at your favorite bar and you wink at her from across the dancefloor, is she suddenly going to find you so interesting and irresistibly attractive that she can't imagine her life without you? No. If you're lucky, she'll smile at you. If you're like most men, she'll either roll her eyes at you or ignore you completely. Always initiate with a message, never with a universal icebreaker provided by the site.

Failing to keep your cool.

If a woman doesn't respond to your message right away, don't sweat it. Women on dating sites can receive hundreds of emails per day - imagine trying to keep up with that inbox! Harassing women with "It's been two days...why haven't you replied yet?!" messages is definitely not going to win them over. There are many traits that women find attractive in men, but "needy," "obsessive," and "lacking self-esteem" are definitely not on the list.

Sending cut and paste messages.

Every woman is unique, so every message you send should be unique too. I don't care that you spent hours crafting a charming and witty stock email, or that your schedule is packed and you think sending the same message over and over again is time efficient. Reading a woman's profile and sending a message tailored specifically to it will set you apart from the crowd and significantly increase your chances of receiving a response from her.

Being too romantic.

I realize that probably sounds strange, but trust me on this one. Telling a prospective date that you read her profile and you think that she's the most perfect woman on earth and that you're falling in love with her is not romantic - it's creepy and says that you have no social skills.

Giving up too soon.

This is one of the biggest mistakes you'll ever make. Most good things in life take persistence, and dating is no exception. If it's worth having, it's worth working for, so keep trying until you're getting the results you want.

Most people understand the importance of making a positive initial impression when meeting someone in person for the first time - but it amazes me how many people neglect every ancient nugget of wisdom they've heard about first impressions when it comes to online dating. You may not be shaking hands and making nervous eye contact with acquaintances you meet online, but that doesn't mean you're not leaving a make-it-or-break-it impression on your potential suitors.

Men tend to be saddled with a lot of the blame for the problems that plague the dating world - "He didn't have the guts to initiate a conversation!" "He wouldn't stop mentioning his ex!" "He kept bragging about how good he is in bed!" "He just seemed like a loser!" - but ladies, don't think that makes you innocent. You (yes, you!) are responsible too. Five of the biggest mistakes I've noticed women making online are:

Sexy usernames.

If "xxx" appears anywhere in your username, it's got to go. And no matter how sexy you are, the World Wide Web doesn't need to know that you're "h0t_4_U" or a "LustyBustyBaby." Sex sells, but where online dating is concerned, sex is only good at selling sex. Unless that's genuinely all you're looking for, rethink the way you present yourself in your profile.

Excessive punctuation and capitalization.

You might be "rEaLLY eXXXcITeD!!!!!" (see what I did there?) to try online dating for the first time, but there are definitely better ways to express it. This unnecessary assault on future dates' eyes doesn't make them think "Wow, this girl is super upbeat and has a really great outlook on life!" - it makes them think "Wow...this girl annoys me and I haven't even said 'hi' to her yet."

Doctored photos.

You're not deep because your profile photo is in black and white. You're not creative and artsy because you tested every filter that came with your brand new MacBook Pro on all of your pictures. If you've retouched your photos so much that other members can barely tell if you're a man or a woman, they're going to assume that you've got something to hide.

And while we're on the subject of photos...

Duck lips and peace signs.

Stop it. Just stop it.

Trying too hard.

Be funny, be honest, be approachable, and don't over-think your profile. Listing every obscure book you love and every band you listen to that only 8 other people have heard of (5 of whom are actually in the band) doesn't make you sound hip and intelligent, it makes you sound pretentious. Likewise, writing that you've still haven't removed the friendship bracelet your best friend gave you in kindergarten is cute, quirky, and memorable, while writing half of your profile in the language you and your BFF invented in kindergarten is just obnoxious.

Follow these five rules and you might be one of the lucky ladies who finds love online. At the very least, I won't be using your profile as a "Don't!" example in a future article, and that should be reason enough to heed my advice...