Advice

One of the biggest advantages of online dating is its ability to connect compatible people regardless of their location. Perhaps your future partner lives in a neighboring city, a different state, or a country halfway across the world - no matter where your relationship destiny wishes to take you, online dating can get you there.

Unfortunately, one of the biggest drawbacks of online dating is - you guessed it! - its ability to connect compatible people regardless of their location. What happens if you meet your perfect match online and they live thousands of miles away? Do you pass up on the opportunity to connect with Mr. or Ms. Right because maintaining a relationship seems too complicated, or do you take a chance on love and enter the complex and puzzling world of long distance relationships?

Sustaining a long distance relationship might seem impossible but, although this kind of relationship does present a few hurdles that more traditional relationships do not, having a flourishing long distance love life is not an unachievable goal. How do you do it? Like this:

• Ensure that all parties involved are on the same page. This is the most important rule of long distance relationships. Establish, as soon as possible, the parameters and goals that govern your relationship. Is it monogamous or open? What terms are you using to describe the relationship ("Lovers?" "Partners?" "Boyfriend/Girlfriend?")? Where do you see the relationship going? Are you willing to relocate if things become more serious? Discussing important questions like these might be uncomfortable, but they can prevent painful misunderstandings later on.

• Indulge in common interests and activities, even when you are apart. Defy the distance by doing things together no matter how many miles separate you. Bonding over weekly phone calls and three-times-daily emails will feel monotonous and repetitive after a while, so integrating other forms of interaction is a necessary step towards sustaining a healthy long distance connection. Read the same book and discuss it. Watch the same movie or TV show simultaneously. Listen to an album together.

• Give each other mementoes. Send letters, share photos, exchange small tokens of your affection, and surprise each other with packages of personal objects. Every time your paramour sees something you sent them, they will be reminded of you, and will feel all the positive emotions that come with being in your presence.

• Share responsibility for the success of your relationship. A one-sided relationship - long distance or not - is guaranteed to fail. Do not expect that your partner will always send the first email, initiate phone conversations, or offer to travel to you. Likewise, you should consider it a sign that someone is not as committed to a relationship as you are if they expect you to bear the burden of maintaining the relationship.

If you're still skeptical about entering a long distance relationship, consider this: only some long distance relationships lead to heartache, but passing up on the chance to be happy with someone because you're afraid of physical separation leads to heartache every time. As long as both partners are dedicated, a long distance relationship is completely feasible.

I'm a Libra and have tended to be a people-pleaser, especially when it comes to romance. When I went on a date and didn't feel the chemistry was there, I didn't want to let him know. I couldn't be direct about how I was feeling because I didn't want him to be upset with me, or feel like the date was a waste of time. If he asked me out again, I tended to say yes and then cancel. I would avoid emails, thinking eventually he'd get the picture.

Of course, this method was all wrong. And it screwed up my dating life. I spent most of my time and energy in avoidance.

In fact, many times the same thing happened to me in reverse. The men in my life would seem interested in me and then not call. I would make excuses for them or come up with stories to explain their sudden disappearance. In reality, they just weren't interested. But I would have liked to know how they felt, even if it meant being hurt for a little while. It beat wondering what I was doing wrong.

I discovered that in my case, honesty was the best policy. Instead of trying to be nice and letting my date down easy if I wasn't interested in seeing him again, or worse, avoiding him altogether, I learned that saying what I felt was far more important than preserving a man's feelings. Since I would rather know the truth, wouldn't they feel the same?

I'm not advocating being rude when I use the word "direct". Rather, I believe that if you are afraid of hurting a man's feelings by turning him down, you aren't doing him or yourself any favors. Instead of finding excuses like being busy with work or traveling, let him know that you feel the chemistry isn't there. This allows you both to move on, without all the confusion.

We often talk about the dos and don'ts of online profile picture-taking. However, one thing manages to slip by: the sheer number of pictures involved. Can there be too many? What about too few?

Picture this: you're looking at a profile and it seems pretty appealing. You wonder, though, if maybe the profile is too appealing – is it one of those vague ones designed to hook anyone? To get more of a personality flavor, you check out the additional pictures of Vague Profile Person – who, based on their default picture, does look pretty hot.

...And you find out that the default picture is the only one there! Immediately red flags are raised. Could this default picture be some random image taken from the internet? Is there some unsuspecting hot victim out there who has no idea their sweet visage is being used to lure additional suckers? In short, is this a scam?

Now, it might not be a scam at all. It might be that the person who wrote the profile is a perfectionist, and they only had one picture that they deemed decent. And that's not a bad ethic to have, but sometimes too little information can be suspicious. Besides, sometimes pictures that aren't necessarily the best from an aesthetic standpoint can be gold in terms of what they say about you – the picture where you have a funny face because you're giving a belly laugh, or hanging upside-down on a jungle gym. If you're a perfectionist, consider allowing a little imperfection to shine through.

Then, however, there are people who go too far in the other direction. We've all seen one; the person is seemingly using their profile as a place to dump all their photos. We get twenty pictures of one night on the town, some “art” photos of a fly on the lid of a trashcan, and one sideways shot of the photographer's shoes when they forgot the camera was on. Excess in anything is not good.

So, what's the magic golden number? There's no perfect answer, but I'd say between three and ten varied, interesting shots is a good place to start. Your pictures can say as much about you as your profile does; don't let your quest for the perfect picture keep your true self from shining through.

When we talk about taking a good default picture for your online dating profile, it's easy to pick on the men. After all, not all men like to smile in pictures. They're more likely to get that intimidating mugshot look going on. The difference between a good and a bad picture can mean the difference between looking approachable and looking downright scary.

However, women are not immune from picture problems. In fact, they often do many of the same things. The major difference lies in how we, the viewers, interpret them.

For example, men and women have the same problem when they try to take a “serious” picture: they don't aim for thoughtful, or studious, or reflective. Instead, they wipe all traces of expression from their face and snap away. And they think this makes a good “serious” picture. In men, that's when you get the scary mugshot face. In women, it tends to get interpreted as “creepy” or “deadeye.” Women do this less than men, but there's still quite a few out there, believe me.

Women are more likely to combine the “deadeye” look with the “cleavage” look, which is why we're less likely to think “mugshot” when we see it. It's easy to see where the woman is coming from; she notices that sexy photos don't often have women giving big toothy grins, so she thinks a more serious face will be more enticing. However, again, there's no expression going on at all. She might still get emails due to the cleavage factor, but honestly, if someone looks only at the cleavage and doesn't care what messages the face is sending at all, you have to wonder if it's the type of person you want to meet.

It's possible for both men and women to take interesting pictures that don't involve baring all the pearly whites; however, your face still has to have an emotion. In your next photo session, try thinking about a funny joke while trying to keep a straight face. If you're going for pensive, try thinking about... anything. Even if it feels like your face hasn't changed, there are minuscule muscle changes going on there that add up to the big picture. Now that digital cameras are more common, it's easier to experiment and see what works for you.

Remember, you don't want to be known as Mugshot Sally or Steve! Take another look at your own default picture: are you sending the right message?

Do you remember what it felt like to learn to ride a bike? Not what it's like to ride one now, but the first few times – the awkwardness, the lack of balance. When others hopped on and took off it looked easy, but for you it was like you had to tell your body to do something utterly foreign; each step of the process had to be thought through, and it didn't always feel natural.

Then, of course, one day it clicked. You got on the bike and it didn't feel like you had to remember every little step anymore; you fixed your eyes on a point in the distance and just left. You were one of the people who made it look so easy, and soon the difficulty of learning faded from your mind. Instead of Learning to Ride a Bike, the Challenge, it was Bike Riding: A Skill You'll Never Forget.

For some people, dating is like learning to ride a bike: it's hard. It can feel awkward and unnatural. Every step has to be carefully analyzed. And it's frustrating, seeing others for whom it appears to be the easiest thing in the world.

But there's a light at the end of the tunnel; at some point, something just clicks. Like any other skill, those required in dating – small talk, overcoming shyness, etc – can be learned. Soon you move up the ladder to more advanced challenges: maintaining a long-term relationship, for example. Meeting people or going on a first date becomes easy.

However, like bike-riding, there's only one way you can acquire this skill: practice. Sometimes it means falling over; sometimes you might get scraped knees. Maybe it takes more than one person offering advice, because there's someone out there who will describe what you need to do in just the right way. But don't lose heart; one way or another, you'll get the hang of it. Before you know it, you'll be flying down the block.

Still convinced that online dating is for losers, outcasts, and socially awkward recluses?

Think again.

Online dating sites have become the preferred method of finding love for countless singles across the globe, and while the average John and Jane Does of the world are creating superstar identities for themselves on dating and social networking sites, real superstars are using the same sites to shed the restrictive skin of their celebrity personas and find love with everyday people.

Some stars have only been rumored to use online dating services, but others are vocal about their use of the Internet to meet their matches. In a 2005 issue of Rolling Stone magazine, for instance, Rivers Cuomo, the lead singer and guitarist of alternative rock band Weezer, told the tale of a failed attempt to join an online dating site. After completing his profile, Cuomo said, the site sent him a message saying "We're sorry, but there is no one anywhere in the world that is appropriate for you." Cuomo abandoned online dating, but found love with Kyoko Ito, who he married in 2006.

Sassy comedienne Joan Rivers has also been open about her use of online dating sites. In her profile on Match.com, she described herself as interested in "coffee and conversation," as well as "smart men, funny men, elegant men." She also added that if she "had to choose between Brad Pitt stripped to the waist or an old George Clooney in a dinner jacket, George would win hands down."

Even the very top of the A list has discussed online dating. Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry talked about experimenting with dating sites and chat rooms with Contact Music, saying "I am never who I am. I have been to a couple of dating ones just to see what everybody is talking about. I chime in and say a little fun stuff."

Sometimes a rumor is all it takes to cause a commotion. When it was reported that Friends star Matthew Perry was a member of Rich Soulmate in 2008, where he described himself as "cute and adorable, yet pained and lonely," so many people visited the site that it crashed. There have also been rumors of Charlie Sheen using MillionaireMatch.com, and Chace Crawford, of Gossip Girl fame, has mentioned an interest in JDate.com, despite the fact that he isn't Jewish. "I have a bunch of different accounts that no one even knows about," he claimed in an interview with Now magazine.

Why are so many celebrities turning to the world of online dating? The answer is simple: they just want to be normal. Shira Kallus from Date.com tells Ed Krayewski that "Online dating lets people get to know you for what kind of person you are, not who you are," allowing the rich and famous to "stop being celebrities and start being people." By using online dating sites, celebrities can put aside their wealth and fame, weed out suitors who are interested in them for superficial reasons, and develop genuine relationships based on who they really are.

So next time you're contemplating rudely blowing an admirer off, reconsider - it just might be your long-time Hollywood love!