Advice

A recent study by dating website OkCupid revealed that if you’re a frequent Twitter user, your romantic relationships don’t last as long.

According to their analysis of 833,987 OkCupid members, people who use Twitter every day tend to have shorter relationships. The average relationship for an 18-year-old who uses Twitter is about nine months, while “everybody else” has a relationship average of nine-and-a-half months.

This isn’t the case only for the young, though they seem to be the most active Twitter users. According to the study, the 50 year-old frequent tweeter has an average relationship length of 15 months, while the non-frequent tweeter of the same age stays in a relationship for an average of almost 17 months.

Does this mean Twitter makes us more fickle when it comes to real life relationships?

I’m a fan of dating studies because they reveal some interesting truths about our behavior. But I have to wonder if this might be an oversimplified interpretation. In other words, is it a Twitter habit that affects our ability to commit to just one person for a significant period of time, or is it the sheer amount of choice we have when it comes to dating?

We now have many different ways to meet new people, keep in touch, and flirt, including through social media like Twitter and Facebook, mobile phone apps and texting, and online dating sites. There are more choices, so it’s easy to see why people may be less inclined to stay in a relationship if there are other options available. It’s hard to keep our attention. After all, there could be a model, millionaire, or some other "great catch" in your ever-expanding network. Shouldn’t you find out?

While Twitter may contribute to the lack of patience or willingness people have to commit to relationships, it also points out a greater challenge: with so many options out there and so many fickle daters, how do we find someone who is right for us?

Despite all of these new opportunities to meet and connect, we still face the same relationship challenges. There’s no way to tell if someone is right for you until you give them a chance and get to know them. Instead of having a mentality that there is always a better option, understand what it is you truly want. Instead of being fickle, be open to the possibility of commitment.

Commitment is a scary thing, but it is also rewarding. After all, we love social media because we want to feel connected. There is no greater feeling of connectedness than in a healthy romantic relationship, even today.

For more information on the social networking site mentioned in this article please read our review of Twitter.

So let’s say you’re perusing an online dating site, looking at profiles. One catches your eye - this person has many of the same, uncommon interests you do, and seems funny and engaging. You want to contact them. There’s just one problem: they don’t have a profile picture. What do you do? Should you still contact them?

While profiles without pictures are increasingly rare, they do still exist. There are many legitimate reasons to not want your picture out on the internet, including sensitive job matters. Maybe the person just jumped the gun and quickly put up a profile before they acquired a picture. Maybe they’re still suspicious of internet dating in general.

However, not everyone has pure intentions. Whenever you run into a profile that’s a little strange, whether it’s a missing picture, just one headshot that looks like it was ripped from a stock photo site, or deliberately vague descriptions, run your “common sense” check. Does this profile seem too good to be true? Are you prepared for the possibility that it could be a scam?

If you’ve assured yourself that you’re on your guard and you still think the person is worth pursuing, there’s nothing wrong with sending an email and finding out if there’s a real person behind this profile. Still, remember to be on your guard - if you’re asked about your credit card information, that’s definitely a bad sign. You might want to even consider mentioning the lack of a picture - not in an accusatory manner, but an direct simple statement, like, “I was hesitant about emailing someone without a picture, but I’m surprised by the fact that someone else likes badminton!” There’s nothing wrong with being honest, right from the beginning.

If the idea of a picture-less profile is just too much of a gamble for you, most dating sites will allow you to filter your searches so that you only include profiles with pictures. However, remember in the early days of the Internet, people did online dating without pictures at all! And also remember that your “common sense” alarm should be on at all times - whether a profile raises a red flag or not. Employing a little common sense can help guide you smoothly through even the strangest of profiles.

What does it take to be a superb social networker and a dynamite dater? We've made it through the do's - and hopefully you're already implementing some of the tactics I suggested! - so let's move straight on the don'ts. Here are four more tips for preventing a faux pas in cyberspace:

1. Don't publicly announce every detail of your relationship in status updates. You are not a celebrity, and that status update about your sweetie is not going to be the next headline on Star or the National Enquirer. Your social network doesn't care that your boyfriend wore mismatching socks that day, or that the sounds your girlfriend makes while sleeping remind you of a pomeranian. Overexposure will kill your relationship just as easily as it kills 95% of celebrity relationships.
2. Don't freak out if your significant other isn't as much of an obsessive social networker as you are. Just because you've uploaded 500 pictures of the two of you together, and tag them in every other Facebook status, doesn't mean that they are required to return the favor. Sometimes Tweets are not returned, photos are not commented on, and chats are ignored. Your S.O. is not obligated engage on social networking sites as often as you do, and they do not adore you any less for having a different approach to the Interweb.
3. Don't stalk family and friends - it's just as bad as stalking your dates. If your partner hasn't introduced you to someone yet, steer clear of them online. No matter how cute you think the older sibling might be, how suspicious you are of the best friend's intentions, or how much you want to start making a good impression on the parents right away, your partner's boundaries deserve respect, both online and off.
4. Don't change your relationship status unless you've discussed it together. Jumping the gun, and listing yourself as "in a relationship" before the two of you have had a serious conversation about where the relationship is going, comes off as attraction-killing clinginess. This rule applies to relationships that are ending as well: only change your status back to "single" if both of you are on the same page. Going "single" on Facebook as a means of getting revenge after an argument, or as a way of avoiding the awkward breakup conversation, are childish and rude.

Bonus Technological Tip: Don't leave evidence of your misdeeds behind. Remember what I said about keeping your inner stalker in check, in the social networking do's? If you find yourself unable to refrain from becoming a private investigator, stalk as responsibly as possible. it's easy to leave online footprints without even realizing it, as many websites, or the apps connected to them, allow users to see information about who is viewing their profiles. Cover your tracks well...or, better yet, don't make them in the first place.

For more information on social networking sites that can be used for meeting new people, check out our Facebook review and our Twitter review.

When it comes to our online dating profiles, we want to make a good first impression. It’s important that we’re informative, but don’t drone on too long; everyone wants to be funny, but it’s one of the most difficult tasks in creating a profile. We want to be able to grab the reader’s attention, but in the right way.

While it’s important to carefully proofread and edit your profile, it is possible to over-think and muddle it up. Yes, it would be nice if your profile had a clever theme that tied together the headline and your closing question; however, is it really the end of the world if you can’t think of one at the moment? Instead of the perfect pun for a headline, Isn’t it more important that your personality shines through?

Remember: an online dating profile is essentially a conversation-starter. You want to provide enough information that the reader can think of a subject to ask you about (without resorting to laundry lists). If possible, it’s good to include a question or two of your own; that way, the reader has something to tell you immediately. A friend of mine decided to title her profile with the headline, “Where can I get the best pizza in Chicago?” As one might imagine, everyone who emailed her had an opinion - and something to talk about right away.

Sometimes simple is the best route to take - and it can apply to all aspects of the dating profile. If you don’t feel clever at the moment, don’t force a joke that falls flat. If you don’t have a fascinating photo or professional headshot for your default picture, just use the clearest, happiest one you have. If you don’t have a witty or informative response to a sidebar question, don’t bother answering it at all. And remember that you can always work on the profile on a different day, or even edit it after it’s been posted. Why muddy the waters when you can just be yourself?

There comes a time in every flirtation - online and off - when things take a more serious turn: the first dinner date. As simple as "dinner and a movie" may sound, the dinner date strikes fear into hearts of many, even the most experienced daters, who find themselves relentlessly obsessing over questions like "What should I wear?" "What can I talk about?" and "Should we split the bill?"

Fear not, dinner dater! The rules for successful dinner dates are much simpler than you think. Follow the tips in these gastronomic guidelines and you'll be an etiquette expert who could give Emily Post a run for her money:

1. Modern technology is great - but not at the dinner table. Your Facebook status does not need to be updated in the middle of the fillet mignon, and there's no reason to check your email over dessert. The point of a date is to get to know the person sitting opposite you, which you're not likely to do while your face is glued to your cell phone. And speaking of the person sitting opposite you...
2. You're a grown up - sit like one. Sitting next to each other at the table is the province of parents with children who cannot feed themselves and loved up teenagers who think makeout sessions are an appropriate way to pass the time between courses. But you, being the classy and mature adult that you are, understand that sitting across from one another, staring into each other's eyes (and maybe playing footsie discreetly under the table), is the way to go.
3. Be respectful - to both your date and the waitstaff. It's obvious that your date deserves to be treated with respect, but don't forget to treat everyone else around you, like waiters and maitre d's, with kindness and generosity as well. Do not be impatient or rude, and don't leave a miniscule tip. The way you treat the people who serve you tells your date a lot about who you really are as a person, so it's important that you only send positive messages.
4. Don't forget your manners - but don't take them too far. A little politeness goes a long way. Wait until both you and your date have been served before tucking in to your spaghetti bolognese, and don't taste any of your date's meal unless they offer to share. Offer to share a sample of your own in return. Don't stress out over which fork is meant for the salad and which is meant for the entree, and don't worry too much about where the dividing line is between "forearms on the table" and "elbows on the table." And ladies: don't just order an appetizer, out of concern for your weight or your date's pocketbook, but don't order something that will break the bank either. You can have the 5 course lobster prix fixe dinner on your own time.

See? Dinner date etiquette isn't complicated - it just requires a little consideration. Now get dining, daters!

"Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" is more than just the title of a hit from one of my favorite bands - it's also a question that everyone will find themselves asking about a relationship at some point in their lives. In addition to the queries I suggested asking yourself last time, like "Am I staying in this relationship out of genuine love, or simply because it's easy?," here are three more tips to guide you through the defining moment of determining the future of a relationship:

• Don't blow things out of proportion. In the jargon of therapists and other experts, the tendency to convince yourself that a situation is worse than it really is is known as "catastrophizing." In the face of a potential breakup, take a step back and try to observe your situation from an objective point of view. Are you staying out of an irrational fear that leaving the relationship means being alone forever? Are you worried that you won't be able to survive without someone to take care of you? If you catch yourself buying into one of these ideas, or a similarly limiting belief, it's time for a major reality check. Remind yourself that you're perfectly capable of taking a leap into the unknown and landing upright. Then jump.
• See if absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Taking a break from a relationship is a great way to put things into perspective. Once you're removed from the pressure of the situation, ask yourself honestly if you miss your partner and the connection you share. If you do, then consider working on the relationship and giving it a second chance. If, on the other hand, you find yourself enjoying your freedom, it's time to take the plunge and end things.
• Make a list. Check it twice. Is your sweetie naughty or nice? It may not be technologically advanced, but it's effective: write one list of what works in your relationship, and another list detailing what doesn't work. Once your lists are finished, use them to determine what needs to be changed in order for the relationship to work for you, then discuss it with your partner. If he's receptive to your ideas, the relationship might be salvageable. If not, you've proved to yourself that it's time to move on.

Follow these tips, and you'll be well equipped to dump the wrong guy as soon as you realize he isn't right for you. The sooner you can ditch the frogs, the faster you can find the prince.