Dating

I live in southern California, so I have to admit - dating here, and especially in the summer, is awesome. There's no need for a back-up plan because it rarely rains. Outdoor concerts, hiking, and kayaking are all great dates that can be planned in advance with no hiccups.

But for the majority of the country, it's not so easy. Plans for taking a picnic to the beach are easily thwarted with afternoon thunder showers or the occasional cold, overcast evening. Instead of cursing the local weather person, try one of these indoor date ideas:

See some art. Museums often stay open late in the summer, especially if there is a special exhibition. Other good alternatives are galleries, which tend to be smaller, more intimate experiences with wine and cheese offerings if it's opening night. Check your local listings for what's available.

Cook together. When was the last time you bought special ingredients and prepared an elaborate three-course dinner including dessert? One of my favorite dates is cooking together - sharing a bottle of wine and trying out a new recipe. Not a chef? That's okay. Look for cooking classes in your area. Most will give you a specific assignment and provide ingredients so you don't have to shop. Go for an informal, fun setting so it doesn't become stressful or a contest. The point is to have fun and enjoy what you create together.

Painting parties. Many cities are starting to offer "wine and paint" parties, which are exactly as they sound. You pay a set fee for supplies, and then you're given a painting assignment while you sip some chardonnay. Don't consider yourself an artist? That's okay. It's a chance to be creative and have some fun indoors. (And if you're single, you could meet potential dates.)

Watch old movies. There's nothing like a movie marathon to help boost your spirits. Pop some popcorn, crack open a bottle of wine, and login to your Netflix account to revisit some of your old favorites, whether it's Breakfast at Tiffany's, Say Anything, or Pulp Fiction. You get to decide in the comfort of your own living room.

Go dancing. Were you looking to get some exercise? If your date admits his dance moves aren't the best, maybe it's time to take some lessons. Most cities offer informal classes in salsa, two-step, and other popular forms of dance, and then open the floor for everyone later in the evening. Even if you're not the best dancers, it will help you break a sweat, listen to good music, and have some fun.

When you're online dating, sometimes it can be hard to tell what a potential match's relationship goals might be. Is she looking for a fling, or something more substantial? Many people don't reveal their true intentions in a dating profile, but they do provide some clues.

New research by The University of Texas found that when a woman is looking for a fling, she tends to talk about herself in her profile. But if she focuses on the traits she desires in a man, she's likely looking for something more serious.

For the study, researchers asked single women to record video profiles for an online dating site. After the video was recorded the women were asked questions about their relationship goals. They discovered that women who talked about the kind of partner they wanted were more selective, whereas the women advertising themselves were just looking to have fun.

Following are a few more tips to help you recognize what her relationship intentions are:

She's completed a profile. Most women who are serious spend a lot of time answering questions and writing profile descriptions, compared to those who aren't. The more thoughtful she is in her approach and the more she shares what she wants, the more likely she is looking for a relationship. If she leaves a lot of blank spaces, chances are she's not so committed.

She's responsive. Many people set up online dating profiles just to scroll through pictures and see who's out there. If you notice she hasn't checked in for a week, or she responded to your emails and then abruptly stopped, then chances are she's not really invested in finding a new relationship (or she already found someone else). However, if she's engaging you in digital conversation, respond in a timely manner. It means she's interested.

She pays for the site. Yes, there is a difference between daters who sign up for the free sites compared with those who are willing to shell out some dough. When you pay for online dating, you tend to be more serious, because let's face it - it's easy to meet people for free. (This is especially true for women---they get all kinds of emails when they sign up for free dating sites.) But if you want to meet a quality match who is also willing to pay (a.k.a. find a real relationship), then you're best bet is to pay for it.

One of the best things about online dating is its ability to connect you with more potential partners, from anywhere in the world, than you would ever encounter in real life.

One of the worst things about online is its ability to connect you with more potential partners, from anywhere in the world, than you would ever encounter in real life. All that choice is more than a little overwhelming, and when we're faced with an overwhelming number of choices we tend not to make any decisions at all.

What's the point of spending all that time browsing profiles if you're only going to window shop? Online dating doesn't do you any good unless you actually remember to do the 'dating' part, too.

Learning how to online date efficiently wasn't easy, but after enough wasted hours and dead-end profiles I've finally figured out a few key ways to identify dates with real potential. If you're in the market for something more serious than a few flirty messages or a quick hookup, be on the lookout for these four signs you've found a promising partner:

1. They've got a positive outlook on life. You wouldn't want to spend your life with someone who was consistently pessimistic, so why start a relationship with someone who is already showing off their negative side? Profiles that are cynical about relationships, whine about their exes, or otherwise talk about the ways life gets them down are not good date material.
2. They're confident but humble. There's a fine line to walk when you're dating online - you have to present your positive qualities (because if you don't, who will?), but you don't want to come off as arrogant or narcissistic. Avoid profiles that cross the line and seem more interested in talking about themselves than learning about you.
3. They've got something going for them. That 'something' can be pretty much anything - an intriguing hobby, a passion for travel, an interesting job - as long as it exists. What you don't want is a profile that seems totally directionless. If every picture takes place in a nightclub and is captioned with something about how wasted they were that night, long-term dating probably isn't in the cards.
4. They're taking it seriously. We've all run across those profiles that consist of only a few sentences, one of which is probably something about how they don't know what to say or aren't really sure about the online dating thing. Don't date a waffler. Unless it's clear that they have a profile because they're genuinely interested in meeting someone to date, don't waste your time.

While everyone loves a Hollywood ending, in real life, things can get much more complicated and murky. Instead of the leading man and the object of his affection coming together despite all the odds, there is usually a trail of miscommunication, resentment, and mistakes. All too often, it just doesn't work out.

If you're waiting around for your prince to find you like Tom Hanks finds Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle, then you might want to rethink your strategy. Love takes two people actively searching and putting forth the effort. Developing a strong relationship takes time, trust, and courage - not to mention actually meeting first.

Following are some of the other myths about love we could do without:

Emotionally distant men will come around. I know - who didn't think Carrie should pursue her affair with Mr. Big? And let's face it, there is something really sexy about Don Draper. But these are poor examples of worthy men when it comes to finding the right relationship. A man of mystery doesn't know how to give love or communicate, which can lead to frustration, mistrust, and resentment over time. Instead of seeking to turn the bad boy into a loving partner, find a new love.

I want my boyfriend to pursue me. It's very romantic to picture a man running through the streets of New York trying to catch us before we board that plane to London and leave him for good. But is that really plausible? If you are waiting for that moment where your man decides he can't live without you, then you're likely chasing a dream. When a man is truly interested, he makes himself clear. He pursues you, calls you, wants to spend time with you. He doesn't keep you from his friends and family, he looks to incorporate you into his life.

Changing my appearance will help me get a man. Many women go to great lengths with botox injections, breast implants, tummy tucks and lip fillers. But does this really attract a man with long-term potential? Most men find a woman attractive based on her energy and her confidence rather than her size. If you embrace your physical flaws and exude sexiness, you'll be irresistible.

We should just "get" each other. As romantic as it sounds to be able to stare into one another's eyes and know what each other is thinking, this is not the case. Communication is essential in any successful relationship. If you aren't getting your needs met, it's important to speak up instead of thinking he should figure it out. Talking with each other about what you both want creates emotional intimacy.

Our dating lives are primarily driven by chemistry. We search for that elusive instant spark, and if we're not feeling it within the first few minutes of the date, many times we check out mentally and emotionally. We dismiss a date without even trying to get to know him.

There's a big difference between a good date and a good relationship. While a man might appear funny, charming, and sexy at the beginning, later on you might find him to be non-committal, a player, or otherwise not relationship material. The only way you can find out if someone is good relationship material is through actually getting to know him.

Most people are awkward and a little unsure on the first date. And if they get the vibe that you're not into them, then the awkwardness intensifies. He will either try to oversell himself to compensate for your lack of interest, or he'll withdraw. Neither of these scenarios means that you will be more attracted to him. But have you given him a real chance? Probably not.

Instead of writing him off, take a step back. The majority of women say that they married a man who they weren't at first attracted to - which means that they gave someone a chance even if he didn't blow them away from the start. And then they found lasting love.

Following are five reasons to say yes to a second date:

He's not your type - and that might be a good thing. If you tend to be attracted to the same type of man but it hasn't yet worked out for you, isn't it worth it to date someone totally different? You might find that the men you are typically attracted to are great daters, but lousy partners. You can't know whether someone will love and respect you until you have dated and gotten to know each other. Real, lasting relationships take time to build. And when you're with the right person, it doesn't fizzle out. It only gets stronger.

The first date was fine, but not exciting. If you found a first date to be just okay, that he was "nice enough," then consider giving him a fair shot and agreeing to a second date. Remember: you aren't dating him exclusively - you are still meeting men. But giving each of your dates a fair shot means that it's important to take your time and see how things unfold between you. Finding love requires patience as well as perseverance.

It can't hurt. This goes without saying. What's the harm in agreeing to a second date? Maybe it will go nowhere, but maybe he will surprise you.

Chemistry doesn't mean long-term potential. I know people will disagree on this, but there is too much weight placed on instant attraction. What matters more is someone's honesty, respect for you, and kindness - none of which can really be assessed on the first or even the second date. It takes time. Isn't it worth it to get to know someone who possesses these qualities?

Katy Perry recently revealed to Vogue that her break-up with Russell Brand happened via a text message - one that he sent to announce he was filing for divorce. And while she admitted she made mistakes that contributed to its demise, she also realized in retrospect that Brand was very controlling.

"At first when I met him he wanted an equal, and I think a lot of times strong men do want an equal, but then they get that equal and they're like, I can't handle the equalness. He didn't like the atmosphere of me being the boss on tour. So that was really hurtful, and it was very controlling, which was upsetting," she explained to Vogue.

Katy Perry's experience sheds light on something that many people don't consider when entering into a romantic relationship - that one partner may be too controlling, which leads to conflict, self doubt, and a lot of frustration. But it isn't always obvious when you're in love. You may tend to make excuses for your partner or ignore the warning signs.

So how can you be sure you're not dating someone who's too controlling? Here are a few red flags to consider:

He's inflexible. Does he normally get his way when you are making plans, or is it a joint effort? If he's really considering your opinion and feelings, he will listen and try to come up with a solution that makes both of you happy. If he makes you feel guilty and claims you're being unreasonable most of the time, this is a red flag. Don't ignore it. Speak up and let him know your opinion matters.

He has poor communication skills. Some men aren't very emotionally open, and as a result they feel powerless when they are in love. In order to take back some control, they assert themselves when they should be partnering. If your man doesn't want to discuss issues you face, and directs you instead, it's time to address your concerns.

He's possessive. Does he sulk when you go out with your girlfriends instead of him? Does he get angry when you make a decision without his consent, even if it doesn't involve him? If he makes you feel bad for making choices independent of him, then consider it a problem.

He has no accountability. He places blame on other people, including you, because he isn't willing to look at himself. This is common - we tend to blame other people, circumstances, etc. instead of seeing how we contributed to the problem, and what we can do to change things. If he's not willing to look at himself, then maybe it's time to move on.