Dating

Have you always envisioned the perfect guy to romance you with grand gestures like exotic trips, expensive jewelry or dinners at fancy restaurants?

Turns out, most singles would rather you have a savings account and a 401K.

According to a recent study from the University of Michigan Ross School of Business, savers are viewed as more attractive dating material than spenders. Researchers gathered existing studies and conducted a series of experiments asking participants to rate the desirability of different dates. They concluded that as long as the urge to save isn't extreme, the perception is that savers possess greater self-control, which increases their romantic attractiveness.

And saving habits are thought to lead to other good disciplinary practices as well, like working out and eating healthily, according to the study. So daters who care about saving money might be perceived as better looking and more physically attractive, too.

Researchers were quick to note the context in which they conducted the study, since the economic climate in the U.S. has been depressed compared to before the recession began in 2008. This could affect the priorities of singles, who are looking for someone who is more cautious and less flagrant when it comes to trying to impress a date.

The study notes that: "We observed this pattern in the shadow of the Great Recession, a time in which people who chronically spend may be viewed as especially irresponsible. Whether savers continue to be preferred in times of economic abundance (when active saving is less necessary for financial survival) is an important open question."

This isn't the first bit of news to tie economics to dating preferences. An article in the New York Times earlier this year noted that a person's credit score is a very important factor in deciding whether or not to date someone. "Credit scores are like the dating equivalent of a sexually transmitted disease test," said Manisha Thakor, the founder and chief executive of MoneyZen Wealth Management, in the Times article. "It's a shorthand way to get a sense of someone's financial past the same way an S.T.D. test gives some information about a person's sexual past."

And a survey last fall found that more than 25% of adult daters have used a coupon on a first date, and 73% of those surveyed said they would continue to date a coupon clipper.

It seems most daters are on board with saving pennies, so there's no need to impress him or her with over the top gifts or gestures. Impress her with your credit score instead.

Have you ever wondered why most people break up? Cheating seems a likely (and most would say justifiable) reason, but what about arguing over finances, or simply falling out of love?

According to a recent poll conducted by DatingSitesReviews.com, it turns out most of us don't even know why our previous relationship ended. Out of 284 voters, almost 23 percent claimed they had no idea what caused the break-up. This came in ahead of the 20.7% who claimed that their relationships ended because their partner cheated (along with 1.4% who claimed they were the ones cheating). And almost 20% said that they just "fell out of love."

Surprisingly, money didn't factor in to many causes of break-ups among readers, nor did work-related issues. In fact, they were the least popular reasons for breaking up (each about 2.5%).

It seems most of the people surveyed are still in the dark about their previous relationship and what caused it to end. This would indicate that they are still seeking closure, and that they haven't been able to obtain that from a partner.

Break-ups can leave us devastated and confused, especially when we are the ones left, and we didn't really see it coming. But maybe there were some red flags along the way that you didn't notice. Did he noticeably pull away, or was he always busy at work and not so available? Or did he shy away from having serious conversations about where your relationship was headed? Or did he just disappear and stop calling altogether?

You might never know what happened between you, and that's okay. What's more important is your ability to deal with your pain and grief over the relationship and move on to a healthier one in the future.

If you have dealt with infidelity, whether your partner cheated or you did the cheating, it's also important to note what circumstances led to it. Was there a lapse in communication? Was there a lot of jealousy? Were you happy in your relationship or was there something missing? The more honest you can be in identifying the problems that were already there, or even how your partner treated you, the more likely you'll avoid the same pattern of cheating in the future.

Causes of break-ups in the poll were as follows:

The poll was taken by readers of DatingSitesReviews.com.

Everyone knows that double dates can be awkward: another couple, begging to be directly compared to your relationship. What you might not realize is that the temptation to compare relationship to someone else’s doesn’t only occur when they’re sitting across from you at dinner. We tend to relate to others by sharing and comparing our own experiences, so when you’ve embarked on a new relationship it’s not uncommon to get a lot of “helpful tips” and stories from others. And when that happens, it’s probably best we stuff some proverbial cotton in our ears.

You see, comparing yourself to another relationship is not often good, but comparing it against an established relationship can be even worse. Yes, there is the occasional kernel of wisdom, but in general it’s best to maintain a “take it with a grain of salt” policy. Here are just a few reasons why:

First, there’s what, in the literary world, is called the “unreliable narrator.” Not that the person talking to you is a liar, or in any way malicious or untrustworthy; it’s just that they can only tell you their story from their own perspective. They may think their relationship had a turning point thanks to some event, while their partner may think it was due to a completely different motivation. Combine that with the fuzziness of time, and even the most cherished memories might be closer to a vague approximation of the truth rather than gospel.

Next, there’s the benefit of time. It can be tempting to observe another couple and long for the closeness they might have: a one-word answer and a look that seems to equal an entire message to a partner, or two people who make the same joke at the same time. Those people might even say they “clicked” at once. The truth: they may well have had a spark, but they likely weren’t that close at first sight. No matter how compatible you are, some things only come with time - doing activities together, watching the same movies, actively working on communication.

Finally, remember this: whenever you see another couple, they know they’re in public, potentially being observed, and thus, are always on their best behavior. Even when you can spot the cracks in a public facade, know that you’re only seeing half the story. This doesn’t mean that every relationship is terrible behind closed doors; in fact, some might be even more loving and affectionate when they’re not feeling self-conscious and exposed. It simply means that you’re not getting an accurate picture of how the relationship really works.

So you can’t really get an accurate sense of someone else’s relationship, even if you observe, even if they tell you all about it - and that’s okay! Because there’s no point comparing your relationship that closely with someone else’s; every relationship is somewhat unique anyway. Sometimes you can make the tips and tricks of others work for you; sometimes you and your partner have to find your own way. As long as you’re seeking your own happiness, and not what you think happiness should look like, you’re on the right path.

TV's biggest bachelor seems to have become a matchmaker too, according to the latest buzz in Hollywood. Ryan Seacrest, who has launched such successful reality TV shows as "Keeping up with the Kardashians" (and their spin-offs) and "Married to Jonas" under his Ryan Seacrest Productions banner, has announced that he will be producing a dating competition series called "Dream Date" which will air on FOX.

According to Deadline, which first reported the news, the show will revolve around a group of women looking for love as well as a "celebrity element." No information on which celebrities might be involved, in what capacity, or even how many has been revealed.

Nationwide auditions began last spring, calling for women ages 21 and over to apply. Those auditioning were reportedly given surveys with questions that included: "Do you think chivalry is dead? Are you asked or expected to pay half the final bill? Would you like to be wined and dined? Are you ready to have a life-changing dating experience?"

The questions in the survey point to the failings of today's dating culture. It seems producers are looking for women who are disillusioned with dating and romance on some level. (It makes for good TV, too.) With all of the talk about "the end of dating" and "hook-up culture" in The New York Times and other notable publications, many daters are feeling disheartened, and wondering if they will ever find someone, or if they will ever be romanced at all. Perhaps focusing on the problems with dating is a good way to attract not only contestants, but viewers. The challenge for the show becomes: can we deliver a genuinely positive, romantic dating experience?

We don't know for sure. Producers have started shooting but are tight-lipped on the details. According to Deadline they are looking for a mid-season fall premiere but so far no date has been set.

One thing's for sure: The Bachelor and Bachelorette won't be the only popular dating dramas in the media this fall. With the launch of "Dream Date" and the serial blog posts from two co-workers at Forty Days of Dating (which has gained considerable buzz and is in consideration for a TV deal), we will have more interesting dating stories than ever to follow. And perhaps it will help us figure out our own relationship goals, habits, and challenges so that we can improve our love lives.

Or at least we can have fun watching other people's drama.

I will always be the first to say that I have a pretty sweet gig. I get to read, write, and coach people about relationships every single day, which is exactly what I've always wanted to do. The downside is that I'm also bombarded with online dating tips from other experts and coaches every...single...day...which, if I'm being honest, can get a little boring.

Sometimes I like to mix it up a little. Sometimes I like to hear from people who aren't your average 'dating experts' and 'love coaches.' That's where Damona Hoffman and Sarah Monson come in. They may consider themselves dating experts now, but once upon a time they were toiling away in an entirely different career: Hollywood casting director.

One worked on 'some wildly popular prime-time hits' as well as a few 'pilots that never saw the light of day.' The other took what she learned as a casting director about developing a personal brand for actors and transformed it into advice for online daters.

So what did casting teach these ladies about life and love?

Lesson 1: Guys Are Never As Tall As They Say They Are

Ok, so it's not just guys. There's a lot of white lying going on online, and men and women are both at fault. Subtract a few pounds here, add a couple of inches there...what's the harm, right? There are certainly worse lies you could tell, but the truth is that it's always better to avoid the lies in the first place.

Lesson 2: A First Date Is Just Like a Reality Show Audition, Minus the Background Check

No matter what guidelines you sent out, you still might end up with someone totally different from what you expected. Maybe you'll get lucky, and it'll turn out that what you needed wasn't what you thought you were looking for. But maybe you won't. In that case, you could try ducking all the post-date phone calls, but it's better to be an adult about it. Let them down gently, but be honest and clear about your feelings.

Lesson 3: Most People Have No Idea How To Advertise Who They Are Or What They're Looking For

Think of yourself as a product. Online dating is the release of the premium version of the 'You' product after years of beta testing. Identify your strongest assets, then design a marketing plan for your profile that presents those assets to potential dates. Understand your product inside and out, so you know exactly what's going to make a casting director or future date say "Yes! That's the one!"

If you ever want to get a heated argument going, or a million responses with absolutely no consensus, just ask one question: What is the appropriate length of time before a relationship becomes “serious”? So serious that you’re talking a long-term commitment like marriage?

Chances are, you’ll hear everything under the sun. You’ll hear oddly specific but arbitrary amounts of time, like “five months” or “a year and a half.” You’ll hear touching sentiments, like “As soon as you know you can’t live without the other person.” You might hear vaguely gloomy pronouncements like “You can never know, and the odds are stacked against you, so whenever you feel up to making that gamble, I guess.”

Most of all, though, you’ll hear anecdotes. You’ll hear about the couple who got engaged after five weeks and ultimately divorced, and the couple who got married after two weeks and stayed together the rest of their lives. You’ll hear about “love at first sight” and celebrity marriages that crumbled after days. If the person you’re talking to is or was ever in a relationship, you’ll hear the details on that and how that’s shaped their perception of what a lasting relationship requires.

You’ll hear a bunch of noise, but chances are, it won’t be very helpful. Simply put, every person is different, with different strengths and different blind spots. They’re in a relationship with another unique person, who brings their own set of factors. You could even factor in the current circumstances (the reason you hear things like, “The right people, the wrong time”). Thus, every relationship is slightly different from the next.

So, what is the appropriate length of time before you get serious? Perhaps the real answer is a mishmash of everything you’ve heard. There’s certainly no hard-and-fast rule. Maybe you’ll “know when you know,” or maybe you’re the kind of person who just has to make that “gamble.” The one thing you do know is yourself; you know if you’re the kind of person who tends to make impetuous decisions. You know if you’re the sort of person who never feels one hundred percent about a decision until it’s made. You know if this is something typical for you, or wholly different.

And, of course, you know how you feel about your partner, and hopefully you’re communicating with them about this as well. You can’t go by a pre-ordained length of time to know if the two of you are ready for the next step, but you can know if you’re ready to take that “gamble” together. You can survey hundreds of people and just get more noise; ultimately you and your partner are the only two opinions that matter.