Sex

Do you approve of sex on a first date, or would you avoid it at all costs? People typically fall into very distinctive camps in this heated debate – yes or never. Maybe you use Tinder every night, swiping right until you get lucky, or perhaps you completely reject the idea of first date sex because you want to maintain a certain level of interest from the object of your affection by playing coy.

If you’d rather wait to have sex, you’re in agreement with a majority of Americans. According to a recent study by website Dating Advice, 66% of Americans do not approve of having sex on the first date – two out of every three people.

This seems counter-intuitive to our culture. After all, dating apps like Tinder – an efficient and speedy app that connects people quickly, often for hooking up – are becoming the new norm. We are inundated with sexy images in the media, and our views as a culture have become increasingly liberal. There isn’t the stigma that used to be associated with premarital sex. So why does this attitude towards first date sex remain?

According to Gary Lewandowski Jr., the chair of psychology at Monmouth University and co-creator of ScienceofRelationships.com, most Americans say they don't approve of first date sex but, "it may not indicate how much first date sex [they] are having themselves." He adds that the views respondents express "reflect conformity to expectations that society has, rather than a reflection of how they actually feel." In other words, they think they are supposed to disapprove of it, so they do.

He may be right, but attitudes vary among the sexes. There was a huge distinction between men and women in their responses, with 82% of women agreeing that they wouldn’t have first date sex while only 48% of men said they wouldn’t.

"Women are the harshest judges of other women's behavior," said Robin Milhausen, an associate professor of human sexuality at the University of Guelph. "Many women wouldn't think it was OK for a woman to have sex on the first date, thinking this would be 'slutty behavior'. Women also are aware of the double-standard, recognizing they could be judged negatively if they had sex on the first date, making first date sex an unwise behavior for them." Men however, have more supportive attitudes about casual sex, so they are more likely to say they would have it.

1,080 people over the course of three weeks were surveyed for the study.

A recent article in Time Magazine focuses on the so-called “hook-up culture,” which has become a subject of much concern and debate. Particularly from older Americans who graduated from college a while ago. Now, the students and twenty-something are speaking out.

The writer of the Time article complained about the media coverage of a college professor in Boston named Kerry Cronin, who requires her students to go on a “real date” as part of their class credit. “No thanks,” the writer says in her article, “I’m here to inform that professor that we 20-somethings don’t need help, thank you very much.”

She goes on to reference statistics to disprove that hook-up culture is an epidemic, citing less than 15% of college students have more than two hook-ups per year. Also, “hooking up” means anything from sharing a kiss to having sex, so the lines are a little blurry as to how much people are engaging in risky behavior.

She also argues that it’s much more natural to socialize with people and get to know them in groups and at parties where it feels more organic, rather than over coffee and forced conversation. While she makes good points, she also admits that it is easier for her generation to hide behind a screen, especially when it comes to being rejected. Text is the preferred method of interacting, rather than asking someone out face-to-face as Professor Cronin argues they should.

Her points are valid, but there is definitely room for improvement. While college students (at least in the past couple of generations) have engaged in a higher level of casual sex and hook-ups than at other times in their lives, there does seem to be a shift in college students’ thinking today. Because they are attached to their smartphones, pulling them out at parties or in dorm rooms instead of engaging with the people sitting next to them, they aren’t really learning how to be alone together, to engage in conversation without distraction. This doesn’t help them learn to communicate better in relationships.

Also, there is the drinking that goes on at college. Much of the hooking up takes place after indulging at parties, which means people aren’t making the best decisions when it comes to their bodies.

But does all this mean they aren’t prepared for dating?

I think that college provides a good backdrop for learning how to interact and flirt. There are plenty of single, available people who you have something in common with – which likely you wouldn’t encounter again. So why not experiment with dating in a group setting, among your friends?

All of the formal asking out will happen once they graduate. And even then, hook-up culture exists in even more removed ways – through dating apps like Tinder. Dating is still part of growing up, no matter how you try to avoid the particulars.

Olympic athlete and heartthrob Ryan Lochte has been quoted saying he’s never had a one-night stand (even while people were hot and heavy on Tinder in Olympic Village). And he’s not alone. Most Americans – 53% - claim they’ve never had a one-night stand.

A new study by Dating Advice found that while most Americans haven’t participated in this type of casual sexual encounter, men were more likely to have participated than women. Sixty-four percent of women said they’ve never had a one-nighter compared to only 41% of men in Lochte’s camp, which means that traditional gender roles when it comes to sexuality are still at play in American society.

Age was a factor in the study. Americans aged 18 to 24 had a 25 percent higher likelihood of saying they’d never had a one-night stand than those aged 25 to 34. The age difference makes sense, as there might be more life experience or opportunities for casual encounters as you get older and break away from your college relationship, opting instead for clubs and bars with other singles.

Not surprisingly, those who are married are also least likely to have had a one-night stand, with 56% saying they had never. On the other hand, only 41% of divorcees have not had one-night stands, compared to 50% of singles who have never been married.

There seems to be a distinction between straight and gay Americans, with only 32% of gay people saying they’d never had a one-night stand compared to 54% of straight people. As for race, 45% of African Americans and 47% of Latinos have admitted to never having a one-night stand compared to 74% of Asians.

It seems there isn’t much difference among income earners, with about the same percentage of people earning less than $25,000 a year saying they’ve never had a one-night stand compared to those earning $125,000 or more at 56% and 55% respectively. However, those earning in the median range from $75,000-$99,000 were the most likely to have had a one-night stand, with only 49% saying they hadn’t.

As expected, the South and Midwest are more conservative, with 54% of their residents saying they’d never had a one-night stand compared to the Northeast at 50% and the West at 51%.

The study surveyed 1,080 respondents over the course of three weeks, balancing responses by age, gender, income, race, sexuality and other factors in order to accurately represent the U.S. population.

How important is sex in your relationship? Is it a deal-breaker if you and your partner don’t see eye-to-eye in the bedroom? According to a recent poll, nearly a third of Americans say if they didn’t have a good sex life with their partner, it would cause them to break off the relationship.

The study was conducted by website DatingAdvice.com, which surveyed 1,080 respondents over the course of three weeks, balancing the data to accurately represent the U.S. population.

Men are definitely more invested in a good sex life than women, with 33% saying they would end a relationship over unsatisfactory sex, compared to only 22% of women.

In addition to gender, the study broke down the data according to marital status, sexual preference, race, age, income, and geographic location.

Divorced people were more likely to respond in the affirmative than those who were still married. More than one in three divorcees said they would leave relationships that provided unsatisfying sex whereas only one in five married respondents did.

Gay men and lesbian women were 50 percent more likely to leave a sexually unsatisfying relationship than straight men and women – higher than any other group. Thirty-eight percent of African-American men and women would discontinue a relationship if they weren’t happy in the bedroom, which is three times the rate of Asian-American men and women.

In terms of age, older people were more likely to choose to stay in the relationship (24% ages 65 and older) compared to their younger counterparts. Interestingly, those ages 35-44 were the most likely to leave the relationship at 32%, compared to those aged 18-24 at 29% and 25-34 at 27%.

Geographic location doesn’t seem to play a role in how people feel, with the Northeast, Midwest, West and South about equally comfortable with the idea of breaking up with a partner over unsatisfying sex. Income however, does seem to influence the decision, with those earning $125,000 or more (about 21%) finding it more difficult to break up over an unsatisfying sex life compared with those earning less (averaging about 30%).

Gina Stewart, a Dating Advice expert, said sex is a crucially important component of a relationship to many Americans. “While some think satisfying sex between two lovers can be developed, others believe sexual chemistry either exists or it doesn’t,” she said. “This study mirrors those attitudes, with a significant portion of people either unwilling to work at an unsatisfying sex life or believing such a relationship is doomed.”

What do romantic comedies, Sudoku puzzles, and Twitter have in common?

They were all tools used in experiments in TruTv's countdown of "10 Dumb Sex & Relationship Studies." We've already covered some of the most ridiculous research collected by Nick Nadel in Part I, so let's jump straight into more highlights from the list:

Dubious Study #4: Researchers at the University of Valencia in Spain studied 84 male students, who were asked to solve a Sudoku puzzle while an attractive woman was in the room. They found that the cortisol levels of some men were so high they had reached the level of a person jumping out of a plane. Contact with an attractive woman, the researchers then reasoned, can cause stress hormones to reach dangerously high levels.

Nadel's Take: This study is just plain ridiculous. "Who did the researchers bring in for this study," he wonders, "Sofia Vergara? Just how hard up are these guys that they can't solve a simple Sudoku while in the presence of a pretty face?"

My Thoughts: Maybe it was a really hard Sudoku puzzle?

Dubious Study #5: Women love men with mystery, according to a team from Virginity University and Harvard, who found that women were more drawn to the Facebook profiles of men who showed little interest in them.

Nadel's Take: Isn't this basic dating wisdom that everyone learns in elementary school? Was a scientific study really required?

My Thoughts: Once again, I find myself taking Nadel's side, with one important addition - yes, it's a well-known fact that women are drawn to men they think are unattainable, but men are also consistently drawn to women they think they can't have. Playing hard to get works both ways.

Dubious Study #6: "Children of divorce tend to lag behind in math test scores and interpersonal skills," says a doctoral candidate at the University of Wisconsin.

Nadel's Take: Divorce isn't easy on anyone, but does it deserve to be blamed for everything?

My Thoughts: Divorce is rough on all involved, there's no doubt about it. It should come as no surprise that the end of a marriage - or any other traumatic experience - may have negative effects on other areas of a person's - child or not - life.

Dubious Study #7: Women who marry men who are less attractive than they are have happier marriages, according to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology.

Nadel's Take: These findings represent nothing more than the stereotype that men place more value on physical appearance than women, while women seek out support and stability.

My Thoughts: There is also plenty of research, as Nadel points out, that suggests that people seek out partners with matching levels of attractiveness. So perhaps what all these studies are really telling us is that love and attraction cannot be quantified and explained - merely enjoyed.

Read the original post here.

A quick glance at my history on this site will attest to the fact that I'm a huge fan of relationship studies. I'm mesmerized by the ways we try to apply science to sex and love, in hopes of one day being able to explain the mysterious ways of the heart.

Some studies provide fascinating insight into modern mating rituals, but many (if not most) are, as TruTv.com writer Nick Nadel puts it, "forehead-slappingly obvious." Nadel collected a list of 10 studies that most definitely fall into the latter category. Here are a few of the highlights:

Dubious Study #1: Researchers at Radboud University of Nijmegen in The Netherlands found that men tend to have difficulty performing cognitive tasks after socializing with members of the opposite sex. In other words, Nadel says, "interacting with women makes men dumb."

Nadel's Take: "As obvious studies go, this one is up there with 'people sometimes bend the truth online.'" It shouldn't take a research team to figure out that men's brains get distracted around women.

My Thoughts: I have to side with Nadel on this one. It shouldn't come as a surprise that men's brains get a little addled around attractive women, and I bet that a study on women's brains would find that they are equally as addled around attractive men.

Dubious Study #2: According to the findings of one of OkCupid's many studies on the OkTrends blog, people who use Twitter every day have shorter relationships than those who do not.

Nadel's Take: OkCupid doesn't even believe their findings. A spokesperson for the site said "Unfortunately, we have no way to tell who's dumping who here; whether the Twitterati are more annoying or just more flighty than everyone else." In other words, there's no actual proof that Twitter has anything to do with the length of a relationship.

My Thoughts: If the people responsible for the study aren't even sure what their findings are, they're probably not worth paying much attention to. The OkTrends studies are a lot of fun, but are by no means the definitive word on all things dating.

Dubious Study #3: The length of a man's ring finger is related to his attractiveness, according to a team at the University of Geneva in Switzerland. The ratio that compares the length of a man's index finger to his ring finger is known as "2D:4D."

Nadel's Take: The study claims that men with longer ring fingers have "rugged, caveman-like" faces. "Right," Nadel says, "because women always go for the caveman look. It's not like some of our most popular male celebrities are non-threatening, baby-faced types or anything."

My Thoughts: Many studies examining female perception of male attractiveness have found that women are attracted to different types of men during different phases of their menstrual cycles. A woman could, therefore, be interested in both the "baby-faced types" and the "rugged cavemen" over the course of a month. And as far as the fingers go, "correlation is not causation" - though there may be a link between finger length and attractiveness, one does not necessarily cause the other.

Stay tuned for more frivolous findings and silly studies from Nick Nadel and TruTV...