Dating

Recent studies have shown that while most people prefer one-on-one dates, a small but growing number of Americans are more interested in group dating, even for a first date. Perhaps because it takes some of the initial pressure off of keeping conversation flowing, or maybe because you can meet more than one potential single guy if you go with a dating site like Grouper.

But could there be another benefit of group dating for those already in relationships?

According to a recent study reported by DatingAdvice.com, double dating could actually help improve your relationship and connection with your partner.

The study was conducted by Richard Slatcher, an assistant psychology professor from Wayne State University. Slatcher recruited 150 couples for his research, all of whom were either dating or married for at least a year. They split the couples into two groups for two similar studies.

Double dates were conducted in the lab between couples who did not know each other prior to the experiment. The couples were given relationship questionnaires both before and after each date.

The questionnaires served a double purpose for the dates – in addition to Slatcher and his team collecting information for the study, they provided open-ended questions to spark conversation during the date. “What was the most embarrassing moment in your life?” and “What is your idea of a perfect day?” were two examples given.

“Opening up about your thoughts and feelings can increase feelings of passionate love,” Slatcher said. “When you and your partner are opening up to this other couple, the extent to which the other couple really responds to you in a way that conveys understanding and is really validating of you increases your feelings of passionate love toward your own partner.”

In other words, couples tended to feel validated about their own thoughts, beliefs, and form a deeper level of connection when talking about these things with another couple.

And maybe, you find out new things about your partner when you're in a group setting sharing life stories and ambitions, compared to a typical night of having dinner with your SO and talking about what happened at work that day.

So, if you’re in a relationship it seems that group dating might actually help break the ice with your partner, at least in terms of having a connection and memorable conversation, rather than if it was just the two of you.

The study will be discussed at a gathering in Austin, Texas at the annual conference of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology.

The results are in from Match.com and their annual Singles in America survey, and it seems that people are still looking for happily ever after when it comes to relationships.

Match.com surveyed over 5,000 singles to find out what they think about dating, love, sex and relationships today. The biggest find? Technology is changing how we meet each other and also how we date. The majority of singles met their last date online (31%) rather than through a friend (only 25%). Also, 29% of singles use video chat to communicate with a date. It turns out they want to see if there is a little virtual chemistry before they agree to meet in person.

It's no surprise however that women are pickier daters than men. The study found that the majority of men will date a woman who is more successful and makes more money than they do, or is more educated. However, the majority of women won't date a man who is less intellectual or shorter than they are.

What about turn-offs? Most singles judge their dates by how confident they are and by their teeth. It's also a turn-off if a potential date has bad grammar or uses text speak when sending an email. Most daters prefer someone who comes across as more educated.

A bit of advice for men: no sexy selfies! This is the number one turn-off for women. And for the guys? Don't text so often, ladies. If he doesn't respond, avoid sending two or three more texts to get his attention. This is the number one turn-off for guys.

Social media is another sticking point as far as turn-offs go. Avoid airing your dirty laundry and venting over Facebook, Twitter, or other social media platforms. It is the number one social media turn-off for both sexes!

Another big take-away from the study: be kind and respectful. One hundred percent of women and 98% of men value being treated with respect in a relationship and make it their number one priority. In addition, a whopping 97% of singles are turned off when a date is rude to the waitstaff at a restaurant and 96% are turned off by bad table manners. So mind your manners!

The best news? People are still romantics. Eighty-nine percent of singles surveyed agree that you can live happily ever after with a partner. And despite how much people seem to be hooking up, and the majority of singles are looking for commitment and want to get married.

For more information on the service that brought us this study you can read our review of Match.com.

File this one under “Cool Or Creepy?”

It’s no surprise that Facebook gathers a lot of data about its users, but what is surprising is the conclusions the site can draw by interpreting that information. Of course Facebook knows when you’re “Single,” when you’re “In A Relationship,” or when “It’s Complicated,” but it turns out the social networking site actually knows a whole lot more than that about your love life.

Facebook data scientist Mike Develin works on the site’s search function, studying how people use it, what they’re searching for that isn't available, and how to make it more useful. Along the way, Develin and his team noticed some intriguing romance-related patterns.

It starts with a period of courtship. On Facebook, ‘courtship’ means messages are exchanged, profiles are visited, and posts are shared on each other's timelines. During the 100 days before the relationship starts, there is a slow but steady increase in the number of timeline posts shared between the future couple. The peak is reached 12 days before the relationship begin, at 1.67 posts per day

At “Day 0,” when the relationship officially begins, a couple’s Facebook interactions start to decline. Presumably because they are now spending more time together in person, the happy couple feels less need to communicate online. The lowest point is 1.53 posts per day, reached 85 days into the relationship. Along with that decrease in Facebook interactions comes good news about the content: the interactions may be fewer, but they also get sweeter and more positive. Warm fuzzy feelings are dramatically on the upswing after Day 0.

On the not-so-warm-and-fuzzy side is the breakup data. The research team also took a look at couples who split up and got back together, and documented the saga on their profiles. The maximum, Develin reports to USA Today, was a couple who went in and out of a relationship 27 times in one year. Yikes. It’s a good thing Facebook also found an increase in private messages, timeline posts, and comments from supportive friends during tough times.

What all this means is that horoscopes won’t accurately predict lasting love any time soon, but Facebook might. "We have such a wide-ranging set of data, including on places there may not be data on otherwise," Develin told USA Today. And because Facebook knows so much about its users’ authentic identity, there is very little territory its researchers couldn’t explore. The patterns they identify could be instrumental in mapping human interactions and proving or disproving theories about relationships. 

For more on how to use this social network to find dates you should read our Facebook review.

Confession: I’m one of those irritating people who, every February, talks about how Valentine’s Day is a crock of you-know-what because it shouldn’t take a special, sickeningly sweet, Hallmark-y holiday to remind you to love your partner. Every year it gets hipper to hate on Valentine’s Day, to the point that the scales almost seem poised to tip back in the other direction. In 2015, will the cooler-than-thou kids have to start celebrating V-Day instead of condemning it? What a strange world that would be…

Though the anti-Valentine’s Day forces are loud, it seems that most of us are secretly celebrating anyway. eHarmony asked 3000 people if they had plans for Valentine's Day 2014 and about 64% of them said that they would be spending the holiday with someone special. Here’s what they had planned (or not):

• 17% of people said they had not planned anything at the time of the survey (which was done only three days before Valentine's Day!).
• 6% said they had put a lot of planning into the event.
• Most people, unsurprisingly, fell somewhere in the middle – they’d put at least a little bit of thought into the holiday, but weren’t going all-out.
• Men were the romantics of the bunch. While women were more likely to say they had done very little to no planning at all, men were more likely to say they had done a fair amount of planning or a lot of planning for their valentine.

Good news for married folks: marriage may get a bad rap for dulling the spark, but the damage – at least where Valentine’s Day is concerned – is seriously overstated. Couples who were dating exclusively were most likely to have plans, at 89%, but at 82% married couples weren't far behind. Couples who were engaged were the least likely to have made any plans, perhaps because they’re too busy planning their weddings.

When the big day finally arrives, here’s what we’re up to:

• 37% of people head to dinner with their honeys.
• 26% prefer a romantic dinner in.
• 18% skip the dinner half entirely and go straight to a movie date.
• 71% of people plan to give their valentine a gift (79% of men, 65% of women).
• Women ranked their gift preferences like this: flowers (17%), jewelry (16%), intimacy (17%), a card (12%), and a spa day (11%).
• Men voted strongly in favor of intimacy as the ideal Valentine's Day gift (40%), but next in line was a card (11%).

And for all the naysayers, eHarmony also found that the biggest reasons people say they celebrate Valentine's Day are romance, connection, and genuine enjoyment of the holiday.

I've met a lot of very attractive women who have come through a divorce or break-up looking to meet someone new. The problem? The men who are their ages (in their 40s and 50s) seem to want to date younger women only.

Many women wonder why this is. After all, they aren't looking at only younger men. It doesn't seem fair, does it?

There is an element of truth to this notion: many men do prefer to date younger women, and we see this reflected in TV shows and movies. It's not a problem for a man to date someone half his age, and in fact it's expected. Maybe it's due to biology, or maybe he just wants to ignore his own aging process.

There's also a certain amount of relief in dating a younger woman because she likely doesn't have the baggage that an older woman does. Chances are he looks for simplicity above all else - a woman who has no children, not much debt, or no messy break-up that has taken a toll on her psyche and finances.

So then we wonder - is it possible to find older men who are interested in women their own age?

Absolutely. Just because you've noticed a pattern in your own life or among your friends (or even in a Hollywood movie) doesn't mean that it is true for everyone. There are many single men in the world, and a lot of them enjoy the company of women their own age. You just have to know where to look and what to look for.

First of all, it might be time to refresh your online dating profile. Make sure you are focusing on what you want to bring into your life, not on what has happened in the past. Mention your interests, your career, or whatever makes you happy - and let that be the tone with which you craft your profile. Men can pick up on the energy and tone a woman sends from a profile or a first message. It's important to keep it positive so you can attract as many men as possible.

Second, I would suggest picking a new dating site. OkCupid and PlentyofFish are great for people looking for something casual (i.e. younger), but if you're looking for an emotional connection, it's better to go with a paid site like eHarmony or Match. OurTime is a good niche option specifically for older daters, so you know that your dates won't discount you because of your age.

Third, keep an open mind about the possibilities open to you right now. Say yes to more men that you might not normally consider, just to see what dating someone new is like. Allow yourself a little more fun in the dating process - it doesn't have to be so focused on the end result. It's a journey, after all.

Match.com's Singles in America study, now in its fourth year, examines the attitudes and behaviors of over 5,300 American singles from all walks of life in order to get a glimpse into how love and relationships are viewed today.

I don't need to tell you that cell phones have completely changed the way we relate to one another. And that goes double for dating. In fact, as much as we may want a committed relationship with someone else, the most committed "can't-live-without-you" relationships we ever have might be with our mobile phones.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get the picture. We're pretty much inseparable from our devices. Match.com's fourth Annual Singles in America Study took a look at how the rules of dating etiquette have changed now that were stuck at the hip (or pocket or palm) with our smartphones. Whitney Casey, a Match.com relationship expert, suggests observing the following seven do's and don'ts when it comes to your cell and dating etiquette:

• Know thy self(ie). Most men report loving any kind of photos sent their way, whether sweet or sexy, but most women say sexy pics are a phone faux pas. 75% of women rank racy photos as their #1 foul, while 76% of men say it's their #1 form of phone foreplay.
• Save the slang. Emoticons are a-ok, but abbreviations are another story. Steer clear of slang that requires a Google search for decoding.
• Text timing is everything. As with the Great Selfie Debate, men and women disagree significantly on the ideal time for texting. 63% of women say they enjoy texting during work hours, but men prefer to stay focused on their jobs from 9-5. "Texting during work hours" ranked 2nd in the top three phone fouls for men.
• Be trained in text tempo. Cool your jets. Both men and women dislike it when you're too quick on the text message draw. Sending a second text before receiving a reply is a major no-no for everyone. Nearly 60% of men say it's their #1 phone foul, while women rank it in their top three.
• Cast a wide net. The more dates, the merrier! 72% of women say it's ok to casually date more than one person at the same time and 60% of men agree.
• Save the drama for your mama. 84% of women and 80% of men think using social media to air emotional drama or chronicle personal life details that are too personal is a huge turn off. Pause before you hit Post and think carefully before you select Send.
• Say hi with your eyes. Video chat is the next big thing. Nearly half of singles in their 20s are already using this trendy technology to keep in touch with their dates. Welcome to the future.