Dating

Dating and communication between two potential romantic partners has reached a whole new level thanks to the growing popularity of apps. If you’re nervous or shy, you can approach a woman or man through an app and never experience firsthand rejection. You can swipe left or right, without having that uncomfortable conversation if one of you isn’t interested.

Tinder is an app where users interact with each other through profiles and information pulled from Facebook. You can see, at least through photos, who is messaging you. But other apps are surfacing to channel all of that flirting through a new, underground form of communication.

Truth is the latest in a series of anonymous messaging apps that sends private flirtations or missives to people on your contacts list. It's undercover one-on-one messaging between friends.

So, if you like a guy but aren’t sure if he likes you, you can hide behind an avatar and anonymous username with Truth to message him and see if he might be interested. If he doesn’t have Truth on his phone, he can download it to read your message, making him another user. This is a cool and exciting feature for shy types.

On the other hand, if you want to slam your friend without her knowing who did it, you can do that, too.

Truth is different from popular apps like Secret and Whisper because it utilizes your own contacts list instead of broadcasting through a feed like Twitter. So, the focus of communication is between friends. But all of these apps share one thing in common – they allow you to be anonymous. Which means in the online world – you can say or do whatever you want with no accountability.

One of the objectives for the app is to allow people who are uncomfortable flirting or asking someone out face-to-face a means to do it without having to feel the sting of rejection. On the other hand, it’s a perfect platform for bullying.

Truth’s co-founder Ali Saheli tells website Mashable that, “We try to keep it light and playful,” but acknowledges that from day one they have seen the potential for abuse. He estimates content reported as abusive represents less than 5% of all messages. "The most common usage is flirting with classmates. And obviously we've seen a range of uses, like people giving feedback in workplaces.”

The app has taken off among the most vulnerable age groups – specifically high school and college-aged people. But is it making dating any easier or a better experience? As one young woman told Mashable, “You're just playing a game to figure things out."

If you would like to try the Truth app you can visit their site called Use Truth.

Aaron Schildkrout and his friend Brian Schechter founded HowAboutWe four years ago as an alternative to traditional online dating. In a recent article in The New York Observer, he said that the fundamental problem with online dating sites was that they needed to keep subscribers. The sites work best when people are looking for dates, not when they are in relationships and dropping out. Dating sites depend on a huge database of subscribers.

HowAboutWe’s focus is a bit different for an online dating site. For one, they have branched out from their online dating platform to creating a valuable resource for all people interested in dating and relationships.

The primary goal of their dating site is to help people meet offline (and get them there as quickly as possible), so they can move towards forming relationships. Instead of searching through profiles, members can create an idea for a first date, put it out to the network, and see who’s interested. Schildkrout says it’s a way for people to meet more organically.

Because of the site’s focus on date activities, it was a natural progression to create a site for couples who are looking to be inspired. Many couples are bored with the same old dates they do all the time, but don’t have the time to research or a lot of money to do something more unique. This is where HowAboutWe comes in – they curate dates particular to each city they service, and set the whole thing up for a discounted price.

It’s an appealing idea for couples. As Schildkrout says, “We make the booking process and the reservation process extremely easy — you never have to show a voucher, your name’s already on the list. We do all the work for you. We take care of all the details.”

The company is also getting into media content, acquiring sites like The Date Report and Nerve.com and creating two additional new blogs related to dating and relationships. “We built out a world-class editorial team,” says Shildkrout, “and for the last three months, we’ve been working really hard to create a media wing focused on becoming the authoritative voice on all things love, and have grown traffic dramatically in that process.”

Popular apps like Tinder and the bigger or more traditional dating sites like OkCupid don’t seem to bother Shildkrout. He sees Tinder as more of a lightweight hook-up experience and OkCupid as an algorithm-matching experience which might not match you with someone outside your type. He is focused on his product, on connecting people in a real-world way. And he’s looking to build content that gets a conversation started. 

Are you online dating? Chances are, you’re spending some time searching through profiles, emailing, and trying to meet new people. This can get overwhelming if your time is tight between work, school, and family obligations. But it doesn’t mean that you should put online dating last on your priority list.

Have you ever come home from a rough day at work, knowing that you’ve set up a coffee or drinks date to meet one of your online matches, and just didn’t feel like going? Did you cancel? After all, you’ve never met this person, and you have nothing invested in whether or not you see each other again. What’s wrong with canceling or rescheduling for another night?

A big problem with online dating is that people can get really flaky. Other parts of your life take priority from time to time, so your personal life gets put on the back burner. Or maybe you're just not that interested in pursuing a relationship. Unfortunately, this means a lot of people are cancelling at the last minute and just don’t care how it might come across to your dates.

Have you ever been frustrated with an online date who kept canceling or rescheduling? Did this make you rethink your own behavior?

Following are some tips to help you avoid being flaky yourself:

Confirm the date in advance. This shows that you are respectful of the other person’s time which makes a good first impression. It also helps you stick to the plan you made without texting a cancellation at the last minute.

Don't schedule to meet someone if you’re not interested in getting to know them. If you aren’t feeling it, then why make plans to meet? There has to be a spark of interest for both of you to be motivated to try and connect.

Cut it short if you need to. If your work schedule is an issue with dating, there are ways to work around it without canceling at the last minute. Book your dates close to your office. Cut them short if necessary instead of canceling altogether. Make it work if you really want to meet someone.

Don't text if you're cancelling. Call. If an emergency has come up, don’t text to say you won’t make it. Call your date. It shows that you are considerate of his time and makes a good first impression.

Follow up after the date. Don’t leave your date hanging if you weren’t all that interested. Be polite and direct instead by saying thank you for a nice time, but he’s not the right fit for you. When you practice doing this, you’ll notice fewer people “disappearing” on you in return.

Embarking on an office romance might seem like a nerve-wracking idea, but many people in long-term relationships have met each other this way. It’s easy to get close to a co-worker, because you get to know them a friends and colleagues first. There is a comfort level that you just can’t get on a first date.

Not to mention you’ll get an extra little bounce in your step on Monday mornings when you get to see each other again. Your focus, time and dedication to work will become even more commendable. Plus, the workday will fly by with a little flirting over texts or IMs.

Unfortunately, carrying on an office romance can also make things much more complicated at work. Chances are your co-workers will notice, and they might assume that it either affects your work quality or you’ll have an unfair advantage if you’re dating a supervisor or someone at a higher level than you are.

So what can you do? Following are five tips if you’re thinking of dating your co-worker:

Know the company rules. If your office doesn’t permit workplace relationships, then you have a choice: stay in your job and let go of the relationship or be willing to change jobs. Don’t take a chance with your job and risk being fired. The rules are in place for a reason, so know how the company operates.

Know your career goals. Are you in a job that leads to your dream career, or are you willing to sacrifice your career trajectory for a chance at a great relationship? You are the only person who can make that decision. If you want to keep your job and get promoted, then reconsider getting involved with someone at work.

Visualize what happens when things go wrong. I know it’s not a pretty thought, but you have to go there – what happens when you break up? Will you have to walk by his cubicle every day? Can you tolerate him flirting with other women? If the thought of working with an ex makes you crazy, then reconsider dating a co-worker.

Don’t date a supervisor or subordinate. If you’re going to pursue a workplace relationship, it’s better if there isn’t a power struggle between you. Don't date your boss or someone in a higher position, and don’t take advantage by dating someone who is a subordinate. If you’re hiding your relationship, assume that everyone already knows. Office gossip spreads fast and likely it will be hard for you to hide.

Be professional. Don't let your work suffer. In many ways, when you’re dating a co-worker you might have to go that extra mile to ensure your personal life doesn’t overshadow your job.

There are certain codes of conduct we are expected to abide by when it comes to love. We shouldn’t cheat on our partners, and we shouldn’t go after another friend’s boyfriend / girlfriend.

But what happens when you enter into the murky territory of dating your friend’s ex?

Let’s say your friend has moved on, or at least she’s over the break-up and dating again. Does this mean that you can act on those feelings you suppressed while they were dating, harboring a secret crush? After all, he’s not with her anymore. He’s single. That means he could date anybody, even you.

But how would your friend feel?

This is a tough spot to be in, because you want to pursue love. However, if your friend considers you making a move a betrayal, then it’s good to ask yourself how you would feel in her situation.

There are many factors to consider. How long did they date? How recent was the break-up? Did either of them cheat? Were they planning to marry, or was it something less serious?

If the relationship was serious or they were planning to marry, this can be a real shock to your friend. It’s good to consider how your new romance will be perceived, and have a plan of action. It’s not a good idea for your friend to discover that you’re dating her ex by seeing you together holding hands, or gossip from a mutual friend.

Instead, it’s important that you be brave and let her know how you feel and that you’re seeing her ex. It won’t be a comfortable conversation, but you owe it to your friend to be honest and upfront. She will appreciate it more than the humiliation of finding out through someone else. Have some respect for their previous relationship – it goes a long way.

While technically you aren’t doing anything wrong by dating your friend’s ex – he’s a free agent after all – you need to consider the importance of your friendship, too. Is she a person you want to maintain contact with? Will you see her at gatherings of family and friends? If she is upset by your actions, then she might decide that she doesn’t want you in her life. That decision is up to her. Are you willing to let the friendship go?

It’s important to consider what kind of man your new boyfriend is. Will he treat you and his ex with respect? Is he man enough to let his ex know that he’s fallen in love with you? His actions speak loudly, so listen.

Have you ever been on a first date with someone you didn’t know – who you’d never seen before? Even in an online dating photo?

If you said no, you’re in good company. According to a recent survey by Dating Advice, over half of Americans – 57% - have never been on a blind date. As it turns out, there is no real gender difference among respondents either – 58% of women have never been on a blind date compared to 56% of men.

Interestingly, singles who have never been married were also among the most likely to have never been on a blind date – about 70% total. Compared to their married counterparts at 50% and divorced respondents at 48%, they don’t appear to be so open to the idea.

Also, 80% of young people ages 18-24 have never been on a blind date compared to senior respondents. Among those 64 and older, only 42% had never been on a blind date.

There is a bit of a gap when it comes to sexual preference. Fifty-six percent of straight people surveyed have never been on a blind date compared to only 49% of gay respondents. And Latinos were the least likely ethnic group to have been on a blind date, with 70% admitting they hadn’t.

What does all this mean? Are blind dates considered a thing of the past, or is there a reason singles aren’t really interested in them anymore?

Blind dates might seem like an old-fashioned idea with all the dating apps and websites that people have to choose from. But they also require us to be on our best behavior – after all, word could get back to your friend or family member who set you up if you’re disrespectful or you neglect to call. It adds a level of safety and accountability to a date that online and mobile dating don’t provide.

Then again, if you’re not attracted to your blind date, it might be a little harder to explain to your friends or Aunt Mary just why you don’t want a second date.

So should we be more open to the idea of a blind date? In the same way that we have adapted to a dating culture that uses mobile apps and websites to find love, this is yet another avenue. And while it might take more time to set up and promises little return unless you hit it off, it’s worth a try.

When it comes to dating, if you’re not exploring your options, you might be wasting some good opportunities.