Sex

For the sixth year in a row, Match.com surveyed singles from across the United States to examine what it means to be single and looking for love in the 21st century. More than 5,500 were surveyed for the 2015 edition of the annual ‘Singles in America’ study. The report covers a wide range of topics, but two are especially hot: sex and exes.

The survey begins by comparing the two most talked-about generations. Match found that Boomers, despite being older, are hardly prudes. They’re 118% more likely to have a one-night stand on vacation and 53% more likely to have a threesome. Millennials, on the other hand, are 165% more likely to have filmed sex and 236% more likely to be completely drunk the first time they sleep with someone.

Singles In America goes on to present sex stats on a range of subjects:

• 44% of respondents lost their virginity by 18
• 75% had sex by 21
• 16% of women said they’re open to making a sex tape
• 24% of men admitted to having sex in public
• 55% of women have had multiple orgasms
• 3% of men never orgasm from sex
• 50% of singles have had 6 or fewer partners
• 47% of singles have had fewer than 15 partners
• 46% of singles have had a friends-with-benefits arrangement
• 25% of singles have turned a one-night stand into a relationship

What happens that those relationships don’t work out? Match.com also studied the behavior of exes in America. Unsurprisingly, sex was still a hot topic. Twenty-five percent of singles said they've hooked up with an ex, while 33% confessed to dreaming about doing it.

The biggest questions involved breakups and friendship. Forty-two percent of women said they would stay friends with an ex, but fifty percent of female respondents said they wouldn't be okay with a friend dating their ex-boyfriend. However, 25% of women and 50% of men said dating an ex’s friend is totally cool.

Your likelihood of scoring that date in the first place depends on the language you use in your profile. A ‘LOL’ or a ‘Haha’ boosts your odds of a date by 255% and your chances of hitting the sack by 39%. But the real winner of the language race? It’s 2015’s most trendy phrase: ‘Netflix and chill.’

Match.com found that the sneaky sex reference increases your odds by an astronomical 99%, a sizable advantage over some of the year’s other trendy terms. ‘Ghost’ bolstered your chances by 63% and ‘Bae’ by 64%, with ‘on fleek’ pulling up the rear at a disastrous -26%. Time to give your profile a linguistic spring cleaning. Read our review of Match.com for more information on the dating service which conducted this study.

We all know that what you wear on a date gives off a certain impression of who you are. Flirty dresses are feminine and sexy, while pants and more tailored outfits convey some reserve.

But what about your lips, the starting point of any romantic triste? Apparently the color lipstick you wear says a lot about who you are and what you want.

Mashable decided to look into this phenomenon by asking Professor Karen Pine, a notable fashion psychologist and author of Mind What You Wear, The Psychology of Fashion, what her thoughts were about lipstick and dating. While all of the shades she examined were various shades of red and nude, they each provide a very distinct impression of the person wearing it. A small change in hue can make a huge difference in how your date perceives what you are really looking for.

Not surprisingly, classic red lips provide a lot of sex appeal with very little mystery. Professor Pine states: "You are sending out emotionally charged signals, wearing a color associated with passion, energy and action. You’re a bold, confident woman and one in her sexual prime."

As lipstick shades go lighter, the woman’s intentions come across as a little more mysterious. For instance, Pine notes: "Pink is the color of innocence, but you’ve added some heat too, signaling a mixed message of approach-avoidance. Your date may be confused as to what you want from a relationship..."

Purple hues indicate strength, but depending on whether you go bright or dark, you can give off different impressions. A bright fuchsia for instance indicates artistic sensibility and creativity – and you’ll likely expect your date to be interesting or at least a good conversationalist. Burgundy however is much more serious. It shows your strong, decisive character but there is an element of reserve. Your dates might feel that you take a while in getting to know someone, and they should expect to be patient.

Orange hues, much like pink, indicate a certain degree of playfulness, without any specific intention of where you want the date to go.

Neutrals and wearing no lipstick also give off a distinct impression to your date. Nude lipsticks let him know that you want to be taken seriously. Pine states: “There’s a vulnerability and sensitivity to your approach but with the right partner, you're willing to bare your soul and wear your heart on your sleeve.” Wearing no lipstick however, means business. Your no-nonsense approach to dating says “take me as I am, I have nothing to hide.”

Don’t take this article’s word for it. Why not try out a few different shades of lipstick on your next several dates, and see what kind of response you get? At least you get to have a little fun with color.

We all know the heady feeling of passion – how it makes us feel and how we crave it in our love lives. There is the rush of emotion when you get a text from the object of your affection, or see him standing in front of you. There is that warm feeling that comes over you when you kiss, when you have sex, when you are wrapped up in each other. Desire, passion, lust – these are extreme emotional highs that we crave.

Maybe you’ve been on a few dates with someone who fills you with that passion. You’re already planning trips together, dreaming about how perfect he seems for you. You look forward to the relationship progressing, to moving in together, to him being “the one.” You fantasize about your love, and how he brings out such emotion in you.

Then a few weeks later, the sex isn’t so hot. He isn’t so attractive. He has this annoying habit of interrupting you every time you start to say something. His house is a mess and you feel like his mother when you clean up after him. He is still in touch with his ex girlfriend. He starts calling you less and less often, and isn’t so excited to see you anymore.

Needless to say, the seeds of passion have not brought the bloom of long-term love that you were craving in the first place.

When it comes to long-term relationships, these passion-filled romances don’t typically stand the test of time. They are intense, but like every high, at some point, you must come down. And then comes the true test of the relationship.

Long-term relationships require a deeper connection than passion. They often take a long time to grow. Which is why it’s not the best idea to reject dates who don’t bring out that passion you crave right away.

Passion isn’t just about heady, immediate lust. While that is always tempting to follow, it’s important to consider what you truly want: a life filled with short-term, intense flings? Or a long-term companion where love grows deeper?

Seeking long-term love as opposed to chasing passion isn’t about settling. It’s about understanding what you really want. It’ thinking about more than heady feelings of lust – but rather, about mutual respect, kindness and about having a real and lasting connection with a partner. Passion wears off no matter what relationship you are in, so you have to ask yourself: what is left after that? Do I even like the person I’m with?

What is it that I’m really hoping to have?

Most of us crave deeper connections. We don’t want someone who is just around for the good times, and takes off when things get rough or boring. We want someone we can trust, who we like, who makes us laugh, who respects and cares for us, who is committed for the long haul. This isn’t the stuff of passion – it is the stuff of deep relationships. Be clear about what you want before you keep chasing passion.

Japan has a well-deserved reputation for being a techno locally advanced nation, but there's one piece of the technological puzzle they haven't mastered: online dating.

Japan is a cultural and economic powerhouse faced with a serious population crisis. The country's overall population will reportedly contract by almost a third within the next 90 years. Its birthrate is one of the lowest on earth, and the marriage rate is also declining.

On top of that, a 2014 survey conducted by the Japan Family Planning Association found that 49% of all respondents had not had sex in the past month, and 18% of men said they had no interest in sex at all.

Add it all together, and you have a country facing some very unique problems. What happens when people no longer want to procreate?

The answer to that remains to be seen. For now, many are asking how Japan got there in the first place and what can be done about it.

Comedian Aziz Ansari and sociologist Eric Klinenberg address the issue in their new book, Modern Romance. "The Japanese are legitimately worried about running out of Japanese people," they write.

One reason could be a cultural fear of being perceived as the sleazy, superficial player-type known as “charai.” Online dating carries a similar social stigma in many countries, but it could be amplified in Japan, causing Japanese singles to avoid it entirely.

Another issue could be online dating's reliance on profile photos. "In Japan, posting any pictures of yourself, especially selfie-style photos, comes off as really douchey,” reads Modern Romance. Instead of posting selfies, which are considered too narcissistic, Japanese singles post photos with multiple people – or even no people at all. It wouldn't be unusual to come across a profile with a picture of a pet or a posession, like a rice cooker.

And that's not all. According to a recent Fast Company article, many singles in Japan view online dating as a scam. Scams sites proliferated back in the 90s, and reports of scams aren't scarce today either. It's scared many singles away and done nothing to reduce the stigma.

Some are using social networking and meetup sites to meet new people, but out-in-the-open online dating is still a controversial subject in a country that prizes subtlety. Companies like Tinder, Match, and OkCupid can't flourish in Japan because the cultural differences are too great.

With young Japanese singles increasingly expressing frustration, the country's dating scene is ready for the “disruption” Silicon Valley startups are so fond of touting. The question is, which company will step up and be the first to blaze a trail into the brave new world?

Digital dating services have helped millions of people worldwide find love, but critics say they've also increased public health risk. The use of dating sites and apps continues to rise, causing some to believe STIs are on the rise as a result.

Rhode Island health officials recently reported that the state has seen an uptick in a number of STIs over the last year. Between 2013 and 2014, the number of RI citizens diagnosed with syphilis increased by 79%. The numbers of newly diagnosed HIV patients and cases of gonorrhea also increased, by 33% and 30%, respectively.

Rhode Island’s health department says the increase in diagnoses is due in part to better and more frequent access to STI screening, but also believes dating services are at fault for allowing users to easily “arrange casual and often anonymous sexual encounters.”

This is not the first time dating services have been accused of fueling rising STI rates, but others believe the accusations are unwarranted.

In a study published in 2007 in the journal AIDS Care, Dr. Brian Mustanski, a professor of medical social sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, concluded that those already prone to high-risk sex use dating services to meet partners, not that meeting partners online causes high-risk sex.

Still, a number of dating apps have taken steps to address the issue. Gay dating app Hornet, for example, prompts users to update their HIV status every three months. Scruff, another app for gay men, gives free and geographically targeted banner ads to local non-profits that work with the LGBT community, some of which address sexual health. There are also niche dating services that cater to users who know their STI status.

David Semerad, the CEO of STRV, a mobile and digital agency that has helped develop a number of dating apps, told Newsweek “There's so much power in the hand of these apps. If a dating app is a big part of your life, it has a huge impact on your decisions. You need to make it cool to be healthy and get tested often.”

Mustanski also believes dating companies should support larger public health efforts, though he doesn't see a direct correlation between online dating and risky sexual behavior. He says research shows people are most likely to take positive actions regarding their health when they're pointed directly to a place for help, like a dating app offering GPS directions to the nearest clinic for STI screening.

Weigh in: should dating services help promote safer sex?

Popular dating apps like Tinder and Grindr have a reputation of being so-called "hook-up" apps. While more and more people are turning to dating apps to meet singles for long-term love and/ or a casual affair, this trend appears to coincide with a rise in the rates of syphilis and HIV, too.

Public health officials in Rhode Island released a health report last week stating that there has been a 79% rise in syphilis cases in the state between 2013 and 2014, and that it’s attributable in part to the use of social media and dating apps to arrange casual or anonymous hookups. People having unprotected sex, multiple sex partners, and having sex under the influence of drugs and alcohol were also cited as reasons for the increase in STDs.

“These new data underscore the importance of encouraging young people to begin talking to a doctor, nurse, or health educator about sexual health before becoming sexually active and especially after becoming sexually active,” Rosemary Reilly-Chamma of the Rhode Island Department of Education said in the report.

A rise in STDs, particularly HIV and syphilis, were also reported in New York, Utah, and Texas, where officials have warned of increased risk of transmission. The New York City Health Department announced earlier this year that men in the neighborhood of Chelsea had the highest infection rate of syphilis in the country.

Anindya Ghose, co-author of a study that monitored the rise of STDs along with the launch of Craiglist personals ads, believes that online dating apps have had a similar effect. "Basically what the Internet does is makes it a lot easier to find a casual partner," he told VICE News. "Without the Internet you'd have to put effort into casual relationships, chatting with someone at the bar or hanging out in places, but these platforms make it a lot more convenient and easy. That's essentially what the primary driver is."

Others disagree, citing a lack of education and resources, especially for young people, the largest group at risk. They argue that community health providers, doctors, and even schools should educate people about the risks of not using condoms and other protection when engaging in casual sex. Access to condoms and affordable healthcare are two big concerns.

Social media and dating apps make it easier to meet people, but they didn’t create the problem of STD risk. They magnified a problem that already existed – casual sexual encounters without adequate knowledge of safety and protection leave people vulnerable to risk.