Cheating – How to know, and What to do

It's an unpleasant situation - suspecting or finding out your partner is cheating can be devastating. However, it's important to know the truth and, if it's bad news, to know how to deal with it.

Signs they’re cheating on you

No matter how hard someone tries to hide their cheating from their partner, there will almost always be tell-tale signs in their behavior. Here are just a few of the common changes to look out for:

1. Starting to take more care of their appearance – if he or she suddenly starts to spend more time in the bathroom, starts wearing makeup or aftershave or starts taking more care over their clothing before heading out of the house, this is an indicator of potentially cheating behavior, especially if he or she has never really paid much attention to such things before.
2. Hiding their phone – if your partner has suddenly stopped leaving their phone where you can see it or has suddenly set up a password so you can’t access it, this is a red flag. There are some specific signs to watch out for that suggest your partner is cheating on you.
3. Showering when getting home – if your partner has suddenly started rushing into the bathroom immediately after arriving at the house this indicates they may be trying to hide something.
4. Changing sexual habits – if your partner is suddenly doing something new in the bedroom, you may wonder where they’ve learned these tricks from. Alternatively, they may have started refusing to have sex or be intimate because they feel guilty about cheating on the person they’re having the affair with.
5. Arguing more – cheating partners often feel guilty and so will start arguments to put more distance between themselves and you.

Things you shouldn't do when you find out your partner cheats

If it does turn out that your partners has been cheating, there are better and worse ways of handling it. Here are some things to avoid:

1. Being dramatic - Always act with maturity and integrity. Theatrics, screaming, and accusations are not becoming of an adult. A calm discussion is the proper way to deal with such situations. This way you can get on with your life without worrying about repercussions later on and without feeling ashamed of your behaviour.
2. Running away - Although you might be tempted to run away and hide, you have to face the music. You might want to say you have to leave to attend to a work or family situation, but if this is a lie, you are only hurting yourself. If your feelings have changed, you need to let your partner know. They might be feeling the same way, or, on the other hand, they may still be in love with you. You can only state the truth and let them take it from there. It may hurt both of you, but honesty is the best policy.
3. Sending texts or emails - This comes back to honesty and maturity; put on your adult hat and face the inevitable. Everyone deserves a one-on-one chat, as hard as it may be. Call your partner and ask them to meet you somewhere impersonal: a park or a cafe. If you feel like you won't be able to say what you want without being interrupted, write what you want to say and just give them this note to read. You will still have things to discuss afterwards.
4. Being unsafe - If you plan on confronting your partner and think they may react violently, don't do it without seriously thinking it through. Plan to meet somewhere close to family and friends. This way you have quick back-up support in the event your partner goes crazy. If you happen to be dealing with someone who is physically abusive and/or mentally unstable, this could be a good time to send an email or letter instead. Remember, your safety comes first.