Your Worst Enemy
- Wednesday, September 15 2010 @ 07:50 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,639
Recently a friend of mine was feeling down about herself. I asked her what was wrong.
“Well,” she said with a sigh, “I just feel like I'm getting closer to 40, and I don't have a family or a career to show for it.”
“Listen,” I said. “Do you think of all the people in the country, the vast majority of them are doctor, lawyers, and actors? Do you think they all have exciting careers? And of the people who have been at the same job for twenty years, how many of them really enjoy it, and how many have simply kept it due to convenience?”
“Well, true,” she said. “But I don't have a family, either.”
“You've been caring for family members who needed your help,” I said. “There's no shame in that.”
“Maybe not,” she said, “but I have no guarantee that anyone else will understand.”
“What if someone new started work tomorrow, and she was a sixty-year-old widow who had been a housewife all this time? What if she had no idea how to pay bills, and had just learned to drive? Would you judge her, make fun of her?”
“Well, no,” my friend said, startled.
“So why do you judge yourself more harshly than others?”
My friend is not unique. It's something we all do, really. While we might be perfectly understanding of the circumstances that have led others to where they are today, we hold ourselves to a higher standard. Often our overinflated expectations have less to do with our own happiness, and more to do with what we think we should be doing, or what we think others expect of us.
In reality, those “others” would probably be happy if we are, just as you would delight in the happiness of your friends and family. So as you meet people, from an online dating site or otherwise, hold your head up high! You have nothing to apologize for, and the universe does not have a schedule that you should be following. Before you fret over what the world is thinking, remember: hardly anyone is more judgmental of you than yourself.
“Well,” she said with a sigh, “I just feel like I'm getting closer to 40, and I don't have a family or a career to show for it.”
“Listen,” I said. “Do you think of all the people in the country, the vast majority of them are doctor, lawyers, and actors? Do you think they all have exciting careers? And of the people who have been at the same job for twenty years, how many of them really enjoy it, and how many have simply kept it due to convenience?”
“Well, true,” she said. “But I don't have a family, either.”
“You've been caring for family members who needed your help,” I said. “There's no shame in that.”
“Maybe not,” she said, “but I have no guarantee that anyone else will understand.”
“What if someone new started work tomorrow, and she was a sixty-year-old widow who had been a housewife all this time? What if she had no idea how to pay bills, and had just learned to drive? Would you judge her, make fun of her?”
“Well, no,” my friend said, startled.
“So why do you judge yourself more harshly than others?”
My friend is not unique. It's something we all do, really. While we might be perfectly understanding of the circumstances that have led others to where they are today, we hold ourselves to a higher standard. Often our overinflated expectations have less to do with our own happiness, and more to do with what we think we should be doing, or what we think others expect of us.
In reality, those “others” would probably be happy if we are, just as you would delight in the happiness of your friends and family. So as you meet people, from an online dating site or otherwise, hold your head up high! You have nothing to apologize for, and the universe does not have a schedule that you should be following. Before you fret over what the world is thinking, remember: hardly anyone is more judgmental of you than yourself.
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