Who Should Pick up the Check on a Date?

When it comes to dating, one question that seems a bit elusive to most daters is: who should pay? Is it the man's responsibility, the woman's, or should they split the difference? What about the first date compared to say, the fifth date? We all know that expenses can add up, so should only one person be responsible?

Traditionally, men have done the asking, planning and paying when it comes to dating. While some women still expect this kind of chivalrous treatment from their dates, it is no longer the norm. According to recent studies, most women do offer to pay when they are on a date, even a first date, and often they do the asking and/or planning as well.

But the politics of paying for a date turns out to be much more complicated. For example, if you let your date pay, will he think you're expecting him to wine and dine you? Or will he think you have more traditional expectations about relationships? On the other hand, if you offer to pay, does this send a statement that your feelings are more platonic than romantic? Or does it show your generosity?

To me, dating is all about understanding different perspectives. We'd like to think that everyone feels the same way we do, or they should if we're going to date them. If they don't it's a deal-breaker. But the thing is, nobody is a mind reader. We can't assume things when we're dating.

My general rule of thumb is this: whoever does the asking, does the paying.

If you plan the date, then expect to pay for it, no matter your gender. This is regardless of whether it's the first date or the tenth date. Remember, you don't have to worry about trying to impress someone by taking her to the most expensive restaurant. In this economy, most daters don't expect it.

When you plan, it allows you the freedom to choose the place you want to go that is within your budget. It also allows you to be creative. What's wrong with a walk in the park and a picnic, especially in the summer?

Most importantly, if you've been on three or four dates with someone you're interested in and he has paid each time, make sure you trade off. Ask him out and pick up the tab. Resentment can build easily if he is doing all of the work with no reciprocity. How can that conjure romantic feelings? By the same token, don't insist on paying all the time. Let the other person show her interest and take the lead.

Remember, dating requires mutual respect and consideration, no matter who grabs the check.