When to Share Your Horror Story
- Sunday, August 28 2011 @ 08:21 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,531
It’s common knowledge that you should avoid talking about past relationships as much as possible, but sometimes that’s harder than it seems. If your previous relationship was particularly long, or particularly bad, editing yourself in mid-conversation can make your date feel like they’re watching a broadcast with bad reception. When you absolutely can’t avoid it, how should you handle talking about past relationships?
First and foremost, consider the length of your new relationship. It’s particularly easy to stumble onto the topic of past relationships on a first date, when you’re casting about you things to discuss. While it’s never good to lie outright, this is a time where you might want to bend the truth as much as humanly possible.
So maybe your ex really was a terrible person; maybe your heart was really broken. Still, try to avoid the gory details and put as positive as spin as possible on the situation. Your new date doesn’t know if you’re someone who was honestly in a bad situation or if you’re the type to turn on your exes with excess vitriol. They may be wondering what you’ll say about them if your relationship ends. The same rules that apply to general gossip apply here.
However, if you’re really in a deepening relationship, you can’t smooth over the truth forever, particularly if anything happened that might affect your current relationship. Start off with anything that’s absolutely pertinent, and play it by ear; if your new partner wants to hash everything out at once, that’s fine, and so is telling your tale in installments. The thing is, making a good first impression is drastically different than being in a relationship where you entirely trust your partner. You don’t want to scare them off immediately with your epic tale of woe, but eventually you should be able to tell your partner anything.
Navigating issues of history and trust can seem like a minefield in a new relationship, but really it’s something we do all the time - acquaintances become friends, who in turn become best friends, and we dole out information as we deem appropriate. So too is it with romantic relationships; once you’ve made a good first impression, it’s ultimately up to whenever you feel the time is right.
First and foremost, consider the length of your new relationship. It’s particularly easy to stumble onto the topic of past relationships on a first date, when you’re casting about you things to discuss. While it’s never good to lie outright, this is a time where you might want to bend the truth as much as humanly possible.
So maybe your ex really was a terrible person; maybe your heart was really broken. Still, try to avoid the gory details and put as positive as spin as possible on the situation. Your new date doesn’t know if you’re someone who was honestly in a bad situation or if you’re the type to turn on your exes with excess vitriol. They may be wondering what you’ll say about them if your relationship ends. The same rules that apply to general gossip apply here.
However, if you’re really in a deepening relationship, you can’t smooth over the truth forever, particularly if anything happened that might affect your current relationship. Start off with anything that’s absolutely pertinent, and play it by ear; if your new partner wants to hash everything out at once, that’s fine, and so is telling your tale in installments. The thing is, making a good first impression is drastically different than being in a relationship where you entirely trust your partner. You don’t want to scare them off immediately with your epic tale of woe, but eventually you should be able to tell your partner anything.
Navigating issues of history and trust can seem like a minefield in a new relationship, but really it’s something we do all the time - acquaintances become friends, who in turn become best friends, and we dole out information as we deem appropriate. So too is it with romantic relationships; once you’ve made a good first impression, it’s ultimately up to whenever you feel the time is right.
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