When You Shouldn't Work
- Thursday, October 06 2011 @ 11:27 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,301
People like to say that “relationships are work.” And, in some respects, they are. Communication, for example, is a skill that needs to be developed and occasionally requires maintenance. Also, you tend to think about not only your own happiness, but the happiness of someone else; thus, you’re expending twice the mental effort. But some aspects of a relationship should not be difficult; these should be the easy parts. Below are just a few.
First and foremost, you should not have to work to be attracted to your partner, especially at the beginning of your relationship. This doesn’t mean they have to be drop-dead gorgeous, or that you should have lust at first sight; however, you should have chemistry. If you have to talk yourself into your first goodnight kiss, you’re already putting too much effort in.
Secondly, they shouldn’t be already attached to someone else. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, but by and large if you spend all your energy pursuing someone who’s already in a relationship, you’re setting yourself up for pain. Additionally, if you’re looking to make your potential partner choose between you and another, you’re probably more likely to get a response by walking away from the situation than allowing yourself to be the “other person.” It’s a painful, exhausting way to begin a relationship - and the beginning of the relationship should be the part that’s exciting and easy.
Finally, merging two schedules and two lives can be difficult and full of compromise; however, it shouldn’t be hard to find the motivation to make it work. Some people become so set in their ways that they dislike the slightest disruption; well, thinking of two instead of one is definitely a disruption, but often a welcome one. You might need to shift around your schedule to manage hobbies and dates, work and time together; it can be a pain, but there are certainly worse problems to have. Someone who doesn’t want to put in the effort at all might not be emotionally ready for a relationship.
There are aspects of relationships that need vigilance; however, the majority of it isn’t complicated at all. It’s true, however, that we aren’t really taught or prepared about being in a successful relationship; we have to find our own way. So make it easier on yourself - don’t let yourself get in a relationship that’s difficult from the beginning.
First and foremost, you should not have to work to be attracted to your partner, especially at the beginning of your relationship. This doesn’t mean they have to be drop-dead gorgeous, or that you should have lust at first sight; however, you should have chemistry. If you have to talk yourself into your first goodnight kiss, you’re already putting too much effort in.
Secondly, they shouldn’t be already attached to someone else. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, but by and large if you spend all your energy pursuing someone who’s already in a relationship, you’re setting yourself up for pain. Additionally, if you’re looking to make your potential partner choose between you and another, you’re probably more likely to get a response by walking away from the situation than allowing yourself to be the “other person.” It’s a painful, exhausting way to begin a relationship - and the beginning of the relationship should be the part that’s exciting and easy.
Finally, merging two schedules and two lives can be difficult and full of compromise; however, it shouldn’t be hard to find the motivation to make it work. Some people become so set in their ways that they dislike the slightest disruption; well, thinking of two instead of one is definitely a disruption, but often a welcome one. You might need to shift around your schedule to manage hobbies and dates, work and time together; it can be a pain, but there are certainly worse problems to have. Someone who doesn’t want to put in the effort at all might not be emotionally ready for a relationship.
There are aspects of relationships that need vigilance; however, the majority of it isn’t complicated at all. It’s true, however, that we aren’t really taught or prepared about being in a successful relationship; we have to find our own way. So make it easier on yourself - don’t let yourself get in a relationship that’s difficult from the beginning.
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